Monday, December 19, 2011

Can't Save My Daughter

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

Our daughter is a wonderful girl who fell in with a bad crowd.  She began doing hard drugs and got addicted.  All the bad things that you can imagine followed:  she lived in squalor, stole to support her habit, went in and out of rehab facilities, even went to jail.  We’ve paid for the rehab and lawyers, bought her food, clothes, everything.  Our hearts have been broken and since she’s an adult, now 27 years old, there is less and less we can do when she’s in trouble – she refuses to come home and live with us. 

She’s out of jail now and sober, but we cannot relax and feel like this is the time she’ll finally rise out of her problems.  If we miss our regular phone conversation with her, we start thinking the worst right away.

We are now one week past our normal phone call/check in, and I had three short, terrible dreams:

First, she’s in a mud pit, or some kind of quick sand.  I cannot get to her and help her.  She keeps rising to the top, gasping for air, and going back under.

Second, we’re in a strange house, almost like a hoarder’s house – all stacked up with junk and clutter.  There’s a piece of bread in a weird toaster and it’s burning.  I can smell the smoke.  When she opens the toaster, the bread is black and ruined.

Third, in the same house, the same heaped up terribly disorganized kitchen, an egg is frying in a skillet, but it has a huge yolk, almost like a tennis ball, and it’s red like it’s filled with blood.  The fire is up too high, and I’m searching for a spatula in the mess, hoping to turn the egg, or get it out of the pan before it’s too late.

Needless to say, these three dreams have me frantic with worry.  What should I do?

Signed,

Helpless Parent



Dear Parent,

You may have heard me say - your dreams are your dreams.  They come from you and are about you and your feelings.   

The terrible images in your dreams provide metaphors that you may have used in describing your daughter:  she’s drowning in drugs and you can’t get to her; her brain is burnt up; it’s toast; she’s fried her brain.  It’s significant in each scenario that you want to help, but cannot.  You acknowledged it yourself, she’s an adult now. 

As you alluded to in your comments, in these extremely sad cases, most if not all the work of recovery must be done by the addict.  You dreams play that out in stark images for a loving and frightened parent.  You feel helpless.

But there is something you can do:  Take care of yourself.  Seek out a support group for parents in similar circumstances.  You are not alone.  Your daughter is lucky to have you.  Be sure she does.

Best Wishes and Sweeter Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD
sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

Mom Becomes a Vampire!


Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My father passed away just over two years ago, and my mother has been on a downward slide since then.  She has become frailer, and occasionally she seems confused.  But the thing is, sometimes I get the feeling she just wants to be that way.  She doesn’t want to take care of herself or even be active in her own life since Dad’s gone.

I have three strong brothers and we all live close by, but it seems like whenever Mom needs something, I’m the one who gets the call.  We’ve always been close and I actually love doing things for her and helping her, so I don’t want to complain, and this dream really shocked me:

Something wakes me up and I realize I was sleeping in my Mom’s bed in Mom and Dad’s house.  I have that creepy feeling that I’m being watched and sure enough, when I look toward the foot of the bed, Mom is standing there, just staring at me.

Suddenly she raises her arms like wings and kind of hisses at me!  She looks horrifying with long sharp teeth and evil eyes!  I am frozen with fear.  Then I really do wake up!

Why would I have such a terrible nightmare?

Signed,

Scared of My Own Mom!



Dear Scared,

Our Dreaming Selves can certainly choose some dramatic images to make a point!  In this case, I can’t think of a more explicit picture to express your very normal worries in a scenario that is playing itself out in this stage your life.  Children do become the caretakers of their parents.  No matter how you feel about your mom, the hard truth is that caring for a needy adult is difficult… and “draining.”

Maybe you’d call it a corny kind of pun, but what better method for illustrating this circumstance than having your mom transform into a vampire, one who drains your energy, your life’s blood.  Even in the best of situations, what you’re doing is taxing.

You didn’t mention your brothers being in the dream, and it’s notable since you all grew up in the house where the dream takes place.  Yet, they’re absent, just as in your waking life.  While you all are close enough to lend a hand, they don’t offer to pitch in, and you don’t ask them to.  Your Dreaming Self shows you alone with your mom, facing her and what she becomes, without support or assistance.

Your dream suggests an outcome that you’re already feeling on some level – caring for her alone may be too much.  You could come to dread the encounters and to be exhausted by the demands.  You mentioned that your brothers are all strong.  Go to them Dear Dreamer.  Work out a system of sharing the weight so that all can feel good about their contributions, and all can maintain a loving attitude toward your mom and each other.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD
sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Monday, December 12, 2011

Wolf in Sherpa's Clothing

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,
I had an emotionally abusive marriage and acrimonious divorce more than twenty years ago.  I feel certain that my association with such a destructive and controlling man kept me from flourishing for too many years.  I have not dreamed about my ex-husband even once since then.  I have been grateful for this because I don’t want to relive such painful memories.  Once free of his negative and discouraging influence, I built a happy and successful life.  So I was completely dismayed to wake up this morning from a dream in which my ex-husband played a prominent role!
My dream:  I was in a long, narrow restaurant with two rows of single file tables and an aisle down the middle.  The restaurant was diner-like, casual with windows on the right.  I was in a hurry....in a rush to sit down, but I couldn't find an empty chair.  Then I saw my ex-husband just standing right in the middle of the aisle.  He was dressed in outdoor hiking gear with a funny, Asian hat on his head.  He looked like one of those guides in the Himalayas!  But he just stood there in the middle of the aisle, looking off to the side and I know he didn't see me.  
This dream has me feeling extremely anxious!  Please don’t tell me I’m going to run into him!
Signed,
Do NOT Want to See My Ex!

Dear Do NOT,
Our Dreaming Selves have a knack for choosing perfect images, packed with meaning and emotion.  Dream images are often filled with passionate feelings and are surely worth the proverbial 1000 words.  It makes them hard to ignore, and you should not ignore this one.  It employs a powerful combination of a familiar and dreaded person with novel, unmistakable clothing.
By dressing such a despicable person in such benign and even appealing garb, your dream suggests you must consider someone (or something) in your waking life with extreme caution.  On first sight, you might trust him, even seek his guidance.  He looks like a Sherpa, after all. 
But you have encountered a “wolf (symbolized by your ex, a very bad guy) in Sherpa’s clothing,” and he’s blocking your path.  This person may be especially deceptive as he cloaks himself in the guise of someone you can rely upon, someone who will guide you.  He appears to be unconcerned with you as he looks to the side, but do not let your guard down.  He can easily throw off his disguise and show his true self. 
Does this dream image mean you‘re likely to run into your ex?  No.  But if you do, you can be sure he is unchanged no matter how he may present himself to you.  More likely your dream chose him to represent a person or circumstance in your current waking life that you cannot and should not trust.  Do not be fooled by his outer appearance!
Beware Dear Dreamer!  And Sweeter Dreams to you, next time!
SMYD
sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Greetings Dreamers from Around the World!

Hello Dreamers in Russia, the United Kingdom, and Germany!

Thanks so much for reading Send Me Your Dreams

I look forward to hearing from you!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Advice from the Other Side

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My father passed away 2 1/2 years ago.  We were very close and his death came too early.  I felt heartache like I've never felt before.  My grandmother, his mother, passed away the year before.  I was also very close to her.  I miss them so much.  My other grandmother, my mom's mom, was an angry woman who wasn't exactly the typical warm and fuzzy grandmother.  She passed away ten years ago from a brain tumor.  I loved her, but just didn't bond with her. 

A month after my father died, I reconnected with an old childhood friend, David, on Face Book.  We have been dating since then.  Now here's the dream:  I was walking into a community pool area.  I walked through a gate and was greeted by my mom's mom, Nana.  She hugged me wasn't angry anymore.  I felt a lot of love coming from her.  I thought to myself, "This is who Nana really is."

Then I was greeted by my MamMaw.  She hugged me and we "talked," but it was telepathically.  The understanding of this "talking" was more of a feeling. 

My father was there too.  He was sitting on a lounge chair.  We didn't hug or anything, but I remember thinking, "That's Dad!  Just chilling out."  I had one question for them all and it was, "What do you think about David?"  They all "said" yes, as if they all approved.  And that was it.  That was the end of the dream. 

Do you believe loved ones who have passed can visit us in our dreams?  What do you make of this dream?

 Signed,

Missing My Loved Ones



Dear Missing,

Thanks for sharing your dream with me!  Having the background makes understanding much faster and easier.

Regular readers of SMYD will know the name of Carl Jung, a renowned psychologist.  He theorized that all human spirit or psyche is connected in what he calls the "collective unconscious."  There we can access each other and make meaningful connections on levels not always possible in waking consciousness.

 Your dream seems to allude to this possibility, first of all with the "community pool."  What a great metaphor for collective unconscious:  a pool accessible to the community of spirit/mind/unconscious energy.

So yes, I do believe that dreams such as yours can be understood literally.  You had the beautiful and reaffirming experience of connecting with your loved ones at the community pool!  The communications you engaged in with them can be taken at face value:  Nana has released her anger and expresses her love for you (finally); your MamMaw still feels close and expresses her love with a hug; your Dad is happy and chilling out, just as you remember him.  And maybe most affirming:  They all agree that David's a good guy.  Lovely.

Now, there are less "far out" ways to look at your dream, for anyone who's uncomfortable with what I've just said.  But, the bottom line would be the same:  Those parts of your loved ones still alive in you confirm what you want to know:  David is a "yes."

 Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD



Monday, November 28, 2011

Hippos in the Produce Aisle

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

In my dream I got in a golf cart and drove to the grocery store, but the store was practically in my front yard!  I went into the store on a sort of conveyor belt, and it even carried me through the store!  But sometimes I got the feeling it was trying to bump me off.

I was looking for russet potatoes.  Then I saw an enormous display sitting directly ahead of me.  The potatoes were huge, and I wanted big ones, as always.  But when I got closer, I saw that they were not potatoes, but baby hippos!  They were stacked up perfectly, but they just looked awful!  All muddy and fat!  I loaded up my cart anyway, but the conveyor belt (or was it a treadmill?) bogged down.  I couldn’t move!  Suddenly I knew I didn’t want to buy baby hippos!

Bet you’ve never heard a dream about baby hippos at the grocery store!

Signed,

Potato Shopper



Dear Potato Shopper,

You’re right ~ these baby hippos in the produce department are a first!  Our dreams rely on curious and quizzical images to get our attention and relay crucial information!

There are several notable elements to your dream. 

First of all, you don’t seem to move at all in your dream using your own power.  You travel a short distance from your front door to the grocery store in a golf cart!  Why?  You even seem to marvel at this fact in your dream.  Have you asked yourself whether you ride when you could walk?  Your dream seems to suggest that riding or driving in some situations is ludicrous for you.

Next, in the store, you again are conveyed throughout without exerting any effort.  Your Dreaming Self may be pointing out your lack of physical effort.  And after all, you only go from home to the grocery store.  Since the conveyor tries to throw you off, it’s worth considering throwing yourself off an unhealthy habit by engaging in more exercise instead of taking the easy way every time.

Finally, it seems that your Dreaming Self is sending a strong message by using the image of baby hippos for potatoes ~ the potatoes have become baby hippos!  Those hippos are stacked up neatly, but you find them unattractive, even calling them “fat.” 

Think of the possibilities for word play here:  are the potatoes (carbs) stacking up on you?  Do you think of yourself as well proportioned (“stacked”), only to be faced with an unpleasant possibility --- that stack is now baby hippos!

When you load up on the carbs anyway, your conveyor almost breaks down.  This could be critical in your dream which seems so clearly health related.  Dear Dreamer, you do not want to bog down and become immobile!

Your dream reflects your habits and state of mind.  It suggests that you review your exercise and eating habits, Dear Dreamer.  It predicts that if you keep buying the hippos anyway, you could be in for a real problem in your physical abilities.  Better to be proactive than reactive!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com           


Monday, November 21, 2011

Drat! Passed Over Again!


Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I am a very good employee, always on time, and my work is accurate and reliable.  I never cause problems for my boss.  I just follow directions without making a big deal of it.

I’ve been upset and disappointed several times because when it’s time for raises and promotions at my work, I am passed over.  It just happened again.

I went to sleep in this upset state of mind, and dreamed that I was standing in the middle of my office just looking around at all the workstations.  Each of them was very colorful, with flowers, photos, and nice new flat screen TV’s playing with lots of action on the screens. 

When I looked at my workstation, it was small and actually in black and white!  It looked like something out of the past!  Even the volume on the tiny black and white TV was turned down so low you could hardly hear it.  People were hustling around me like I wasn’t even there!  My boss walked right past me without even saying, “Hello.”  It’s so unfair!

What do you make of this dream?

Signed,

Deserves a Raise

Dear Deserves,

You are probably right --- you may deserve a raise.  You’re the perfect employee who does what he’s told without question.  And, you do it reliably, accurately, and right on schedule.  You seem to be exactly what every boss professes to want.

Why then are you in this predicament of working hard with no reward or recognition?

The way you describe what happened before this dream is an almost perfect implementation of incubating a dream:  You reviewed all the things that are bothering you in some detail.  You thought about your feelings at the injustice you perceive at work.  In essence, you even posed an incubation question:  Why was I passed over again?

Your Dreaming Self offered up a fine descriptor of what is happening at your workplace:  Everyone is bustling about, also doing their work, but in contrast to you, with color and flair.  Every workstation displayed a new TV sporting new technology and vivid color.  The action was audible and visible. 

In comparison, your workstation is stuck in the past.  The technology isn’t “classic,” but old and out-of-date.  Who would choose to look at it with all the other colorful and modern equipment so effective and easily accessible?  Even your boss barely notices you!

Perhaps it is unfair, but your Dreaming Self paints this graphic picture of a drab you in a vibrant workplace.  Maybe it’s time for you to consider up dating your appearance and your approach to work.  You don’t say so, but you could be clinging to the way you’ve always done things, when newer, more modern methods are now considered better.

Your volume is too low in the dream, indicating that your soft-spoken “do what’s expected” approach may be a part of the disservice you feel.  Speak up for yourself, Dear Dreamer!  Be sure you truly are competitive with the fast-paced workplace around you.  Your rewards will come soon enough.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD



Sunday, November 13, 2011

War Zone in Mom's Back Yard


Our Dreamer Writes:
Dear SMYD,  

Having my mother and a war in the same dream doesn't surprise me.  My mom can be difficult!  But I am peace-loving woman who does not watch violent television or films.  I even turn away from commercials with violence.   

I dreamed about going to visit my mother's home.  My mother did not tell me that some important people would be visiting.  Guests showed up without notice. 

In the dream I took the dog for a walk in the backyard.  The entire yard had become a violent battlefield.  One man's head had been cut off.  Someone I know stood up to her ankles in earth-orange mud and was beating up another man.  

Why would I have such a violent dream as this one? 

Signed,

Startled by the War Zone 

Dear Startled,

Sometimes our Dreaming Selves choose bizarre or violent images to shake us up and get our attention, especially if there’s an issue we’re avoiding.  Since your dream has these characteristics, I suspect you avoid confronting the key issues with your mother.

In your dream, you go to visit your mother whom you say can be difficult.  In spite of this, you don’t expect the “important people” who show up.  These people could represent the important issues that have been unaddressed in your relationship.  You didn’t expect to have to deal with the important issues between your mom and yourself.  So you avoid them by taking the dog for a walk outside instead of staying in the house with them and your mom. 

Perhaps you’re accustomed to faking it in the living room, avoiding the unpleasantness in public.  But the back yard tells the real story:  Behind the scenes, it’s a war zone!  Because it’s your mom’s back yard, the implication is that these people represent issues in her/your history (behind her house) that are out of sight, but still influential.

It is important to think more about the man whose head was cut off.  Who is he?  Who does he remind you of?  As soon as you figure out who he is, you’ll be able to identify the issue he stands for.  Without his head, he has no direction, no ability to think or speak.  What he would say may be so painful that your mom (and maybe you, too) chose to cut him off before he speaks.

Who is that woman wading in the blood, er mud?  You say it’s someone you know.  Explain her to me ~ what is she like?  Does she listen to others and argue with reason and logic?  Or does she fight dirty?  How about you and your mom…do you fight fair? 

The man this woman is beating ~ does he deserve to be beaten?  Does he fight back?  Why is he losing the battle?

These are tough questions, Dear Dreamer.  The key to understanding this dream, your mom, and your difficult relationship with her lies in teasing out the metaphors in that back yard battle.

Sweeter Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD



Monday, November 7, 2011

Crocodile Wrestling


Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I haven’t had a dream in many, many years, so it was a surprise to me when I woke up with such a vivid dream after such a long time!

Here it is:  I dreamed there were two horses in a pen with a tiny pond containing an old crocodile.  The horses were reddish with black tails.  They stood a “safe distance” from the crocodile.  The croc was old and supposedly not any danger to the horses.  But he began inching on his belly toward the horses and I jumped in to stop the crocodile.  I grabbed him and held his mouth shut just like those guys on TV.  He started rolling over and over and fighting me.  Then I woke up feeling scared and anxious.  What does this mean to you?

Signed,

Crocodile Wrestler!



Dear Wrestler,

First let me tell you that research indicates that we all dream every night!  Most likely you’ve been dreaming, but haven’t remembered your dreams.  Too bad!  Looks like you have some good ones!

Consider keeping a notepad and pencil next to your bed.  First thing when you wake up, jot down even the smallest fragment or tiniest detail from a fleeting dream.  Your Dreaming Self will take note of your interest and offer you more and more tantalizing morsels of dreams to enrich your waking life.

Your dream could be offering plays on words as a method of delivering insights.  For example:  The horses (perhaps representing a relationship of some sort ~ they seem to be a matched pair) are in a pen, penned in.  Maybe a couple you know is penned in with “an old croc.”  This is a family newspaper, so I’ll just refer to an expression you may know:  a crock of “stuff,” suggesting something worthless, or lacking credibility. 

To carry out the metaphor, something worthless or lacking credibility threatens a healthy relationship.  The pair is penned in by this; it seems they’re unable to move away from it or leave their containment.  Though they think they’re unaffected by him, keeping a safe distance, you know the situation is dangerous.  The croc looks to injure or sabotage their healthy relationship.

You jump in to stop the croc.  He’s a “big croc (fish) in a tiny pond,” and perhaps because of this, his power is great.  They have no escape from him or the pen. 

You are the protector, trying to stem the influence of the croc, and wind up in danger yourself.  You try to shut him up, keeping his mouth closed, but your dream suggests he is a formidable foe.  He thrashes and fights you.  He may be stronger than you are.

Examine your own relationships, Dear Dreamer.  Do you find yourself hemmed in by a tenacious, negative force?  Does this force have more influence that it deserves?  It may be time to find a gate in that fence and escape to greener pastures.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD



Monday, October 31, 2011

Dreams: Body & Mind


Dearest Dreamers,

Ernest Hartmann, M.D., world-renowned authority on sleep and dreams, writes about the physiological, psychological, and emotional links in dreams.  In his book, Dreams and Nightmares, Hartmann devotes a large portion of his discussion to the metaphors used by dreams to help dreamers integrate their feelings of fear, or anticipation, even dread, for a healthier approach to life’s problems.  
Hartmann’s analysis of the state of mind and dreams of those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder makes fascinating reading.  He also offers several examples of dreams found to help clarify emotions that may be less dramatic than those accompanying PTSD, but that nevertheless could be, without discussion and understanding, debilitating to the dreamer.
One example comes from Al, a retired veteran, hospitalized because of a vascular blockage requiring surgery to remove the femoral aneurism causing the problem.  Al “created the impression of being tough…and having little room in his life for fear or weakness.”  He “continually emphasized that the anticipated surgery did not make him worried, fearful, or anxious in any way.”
His dreams however, clearly pictured his concerns:
First ~
My daughter and I [were] talking about a quarter of beef…We were talking about cutting it up…to preserve it…we were…more or less arguing about how the meat was gonna be cut.  Then it turned into a surgical [setting]…it turned into an operation….
Then ~
[We were] working on a stove…We had it all apart to clean…We kinda hammered that hole and…I don’t know what the heck we [were] going to do with it.

And finally ~
We [were] looking at this engine…It was a complicated thing.  We got down there and [were] digging things out of the pipes…They hadn’t used it for years and naturally sand and dust had [gotten] into the pipes and it was all rusty.
Hartmann concludes that these dreams about cutting up beef , about stoves and engines needing fixing, all preceding Al’s surgery, reflect his emotional concern with having a defect in his body, if and how it can be repaired, and if he will be further injured or disabled from the surgery.
Al’s worries represent normal human concerns anyone might expect when facing major surgery.  Most of us agree that we are better able to deal with our fears when we acknowledge them and confront them.  Al’s dreams provide him with a context for discussion with his family and even his surgeons.  Sharing the dream’s story might be an easier opening for Al than saying plainly, “I’m afraid.”
Hartmann goes on to cite examples from research showing how dreams alerted dreamers to the presence of a physical anomaly or early symptom of illness that may have gone unnoticed in waking life.
So I always say, Dear Dreamer, if you dream of having a tire blowout while driving on the freeway, it’s a good idea to consider the literal and check your tires.  You might also play out the metaphorical – your Dreaming Self could be using your car as a representation of your body.  Get a physical checkup from your doctor.  Then of course, we can also talk about how life in the fast lane may be creating enough stress for you to “blow.”

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               


Monday, October 24, 2011

Not Ready for the Rocking Chair

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,
I work in a bustling atmosphere surrounded by young people.  We have a problem-solving attitude and thrive on teamwork.  I love my job and get a lot of satisfaction from the work.  I’m paid well too.  So I woke from this dream pretty upset:
I dreamed of a typical workday, fast-paced with multiple priorities.  I stood near my boss at work.  Another young man, Steve, stood with us, arm-in-arm with me.  Someone said to my boss, “When are you going to fire Steve?”  I was surprised at the question because Steve is a good worker.  He never misses a day of work.  He is a self-starter, and he’s smart and dependable. 
But then, I felt totally shocked when my boss answered, “When he’s 55!”  Well, not only is Steve 55, I am 55!  I’m not ready to quit, retire, or be fired!  Why should I be?  I’m at the peak of my game and love to go to work every day.
Is this dream trying to tell me something I don’t know?
Signed,
Not Ready for the Rocking Chair 

Dear Not Ready,
Dreams of work offer a fertile ground for professional as well as personal insights.  Your workplace dream seems to be speaking to some thoughts or worries you have about your viability at work and the time you have remaining there.
Steve’s about as close to you as he can be.  It’s logical that you not only share the same age, you think of yourself as the type of worker he is in your dream.  He stands for you.
It’s perfect that you describe Steve as a young man with all the desirable qualities of a perfect employee.  This is how you see yourself.  But, at 55, Steve may not meet the standard for truly “young” anymore for most folks.  In fact, he’s past middle age unless the average life expectancy has risen to 110!  Still, in current times, 55 is far from finished in terms of vitality and contributions on the job.  Your dream suggests a thread of self-doubt has crept into your thinking.  You have to do a double take to consider this alternate point of view.
Your Dreaming Self seems to defend your waking self against the suggestion that it’s time for you to step down from working when you are clearly not ready to do so. 

Now, where did that suggestion come from?  Is your company offering an early retirement package?  Are they looking to thin the ranks in tough economic times?  Is your spouse urging you to step down and spend more time at home?  Or perhaps you have simply come to doubt yourself or feel insecure at work.
You mention that you are surrounded by young people at work.  Now is the time to capitalize on your experience and wisdom.  Conversely, don’t shy away from learning new things and staying on top of advances in your field.
Don’t try too hard, Dear Dreamer!  Never let ‘em see you sweat!
Sweet Dreams!
SMYD
sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

A Dream Incubation Experience


Dearest Dreamers:

Last week, I outlined the steps for incubating a dream to answer a question.  This week, I’m proud to share a dream incubation experience discussed with me (with the permission of) Janell Moon.

Janell is a graduate of Ohio University in Athens, Ohio, and is a San Francisco Bay Area counselor and hypnotherapist in private practice, as well as an instructor at the College of Marin Community College.  She is an award-winning author of 4 books of spiritual nonfiction and 6 volumes of poetry.  She is Poet Laureate of Emeryville, California.

She writes:

Dear SMYD,

Years ago when I was first publishing as an adult and was divorcing, I didn't want to use my married name that started with “Szyd,” as it was too difficult, and not my own ethnicity.  I didn't want to return to my maiden name, “Pfau,” my dad's name.

It was the year before women had the right to go back to their maiden name automatically at the time of divorce, if they wanted.  But in California, usage of a name without intent to defraud is a legitimate way to have your name changed in time.  So I decided to dream a name and begin using it! 

I began suggesting to myself every night at my own twilight/falling-to-sleep time that I would dream a new name for myself.

In several nights, I dreamt of my Aunt Nell whom I had visited once a year, as a growing child, and had admired for being a solid of-the-earth type that she was: plain, hardworking, and good to me in a matter-of-fact way.  I realized my first name of Jan could incorporate my aunt’s name, and be changed to “Janell” pretty easily.  (I spelled it with only one “n” so my Aunt Nell and I could be closer.)

Not too long after (I was in no hurry), I dreamt of the lovely frost and snow of my childhood Ohio.  I loved waking in the morning to the white covering of the world.  I thought “Janell Frost” would be a good new name:  It had the three syllables I had wanted, better than the less interesting (I thought) two syllables of my maiden name, Jan Pfau.

I thought of how I loved frost.  I remembered how I wrote with my fingers on the window and liked the filigree look of the frost crystals.  But still, I wasn't sure.  In a couple of days, I realized Frost was a cold name and I was a warm, affectionate person.  I realized I could choose anything, i.e., I could have the moon!  And so I chose “Moon.”  Janell Moon.  It became my writing name and name of usage thirty years ago.

Signed,

Janell Moon, Poet Laureate of Emeryville, CA

Dear Janell,

Thanks so much for sharing your dream incubation experience!  Your dreams certainly gave you some practical guidance for addressing your question of changing your name.  Readers of Send Me Your Dreams can be encouraged to try the incubation process, asking their dreams for assistance with their own concerns.

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com           


Monday, October 10, 2011

Incubate the Dream You Want


Dearest Dreamers:
You may have noticed that your Dreaming Self pays attention to your waking life.  Your Dreaming Self has a unique angle, almost as if observing you from a helicopter.  From that perspective, your Dreaming Self can offer insights to your waking dilemmas and troubling circumstances. 
You’ve heard the advice when you’re struggling with a problem:  Sleep on it.  Of course!  Allow your Dreaming Self to work with you and you will awake with good advice or new ideas to help you resolve the problem.  This can be a lucky phenomenon, or you can make it a regular part of your life by learning to incubate dreams.
My reference for this exciting and rewarding process is Living Your Dreams, by Gayle Delaney, dream researcher, and past president of the International Association for the Study of Dreams.  Delaney spells out seven steps for dream incubation:
Step 1:  Choose the Right Night – when you’re not too tired, haven’t been drinking or using prescription or recreational drugs.  On this night you’ll need an extra 10-15 minutes to make notes before you fall asleep.
Step 2:  Make Day Notes – Record the activities, thoughts, and feelings that filled your day.  No need to write an essay; just a few lines will do.
Step 3:  Incubation Discussion – Use your mind and heart to describe the situation that concerns you in detail.  Consider and write down what you see as the causes of the problem, the alternative solutions to the problem, how it makes you feel, what you might gain from taking action or doing nothing.  Churn up your feelings.  Get those thoughts down onto the paper.
Step 4:  Incubation Question or Request – Write a simple sentence on the next line that expresses your deepest and clearest desire to understand your predicament.  For example:  “What’s really going on between X and me?”  Or, “Give me an idea for my next painting.”
Step 5:  Focus!  – Set your notes aside.  Relax.  Put all your attention on your Incubation Question.  Repeat it; concentrate on it; push distractions away and return to the question or request. 
Step 6:  Sleep & Dream!  – The easiest step!  As many psychologists, psychiatrists, and students of dreaming have found, our Dreaming Self sees our life and problems more clearly, more objectively, and from a broader perspective than we usually do when we’re awake.  Your Dreaming Self will connect with sources of experience and wisdom often available only in your sleeping state.
Step 7:  Record Your Dream – Try to re-experience the dream and include any feelings, thoughts, songs, or fantasies that came with it.  Jot down any associations that come to mind regarding different dream elements.  Even sketch unusual images.
Chances are excellent, Dear Dreamer, that the dream’s insights will be clear and apparent to you.  If not, spend some time with its images and actors.  Talk it over with a trusted friend or dream worker.  Be honest with yourself!  If it truly stumps you, send it to me!  I’ll be happy to work through it with you.
Next week, I’ll share a dream recently told to me by someone who incubated an important dream at a crossroads in her life.  She credits the dream with making all the difference in her decisions.
Until then, sweet dreams to you, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               


Monday, October 3, 2011

Too Late to Adopt


Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I'm not thinking of adopting a child, but I dreamed I was with my old college roommate “Katie,” who was a good friend but whom I feel now puts her career ahead of people.  She had a wonderful job and showed me the new office she was hoping for - much larger and better.

She had a special needs child who her roommate helped with.  Katie’s hands were full.  The roommate was neglectful.  Somehow I ended up with daughter and I could tell Katie wanted me to be responsible for her.

The baby needed food and cleaning.  I gathered scraps, mushed them up and the child ate.  She grew from newborn to a few years to a talking youngster.  It’s rewarding.

I decide to adopt this girl.  I’m pleased with my decision, but Katie just wants to give the girl to me.  Katie is mad that I don’t trust her and just take the child without legal papers.  I think Katie will take her back when she’s ten and not so needy of parenting, at least the food and diapering and the like.

I hadn’t thought of taking a child or this child.  When I see she needs help, I help out of kindness; but when I see it working and how much she needs it (and by the way, I don’t see why she’s considered special needs), I feel myself starting to bond.

Signed,

Will I Be an Adoptive Parent?

Dear Adoptive,

Your dream plays with a role that you have taken on, or are considering taking on, perhaps one that you have let diminish in your life.

Your dream has you visiting an old roommate, and says that her roommate (you) helped her with a child (a task or project, work of some kind), but put other things first and the child languished.  You were her college roommate; her roommate was neglectful of the child; she wants you to pick up those responsibilities.

It’s possible that your Dreaming Self is showing you a part of yourself in Katie.  Did you embody Katie’s more positive qualities “back in the day”?  Could it be that now you too often put work ahead of people?  Hard questions to ponder.

In addition, your dream suggests you have taken on (or are considering taking on) a task you weren’t expecting (the child - pun intended), maybe something you neglected before.  This could be something that you worked on in the past, but set aside in favor of other priorities.

You seem surprised at your success, and with the rewards of the work.  You don’t now see why you   considered it to be a difficult job, one requiring extra work or sacrifice, a “special needs case.”  Your minimal efforts at mushing scraps together yield positive results.

To your delight, you begin to bond with the work/task, and want to make it yours legitimately – an informal adoption will not do for you. 

You don’t want to be like Katie (your old self) who puts career before people.  Your dream suggests you’re a bit fearful that your old Katie-like self will reclaim your “baby” after you’ve worked hard, bonded, and felt the rewards.  You want to make the commitment to make this new “baby” yours.

Best of luck in your endeavors, Dear Dreamer!  And Sweet Dreams to you!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com