Get a handle on recurring dreams

Recurring dreams can be upsetting and frustrating until you make sense of the pattern of their recurrence.  Once the connection to recurring events in waking life is made, the dream’s message for the dreamer is easier to see.  From there, the dream will usually disappear.

Dear SMYD,

My family is wonderful and has always been very supportive of everything I want to do.  My mom and dad are there for me no matter what.  And my three older brothers are so helpful and protective.  I hate to complain, but it kind of gets to me sometimes.  They are all so eager to give me advice and tell ‘the best’ thing to do even if I don’t ask!  Family dinners and special events almost always turn into guidance sessions for me whether I asked for help or not.

I followed your suggestion and began making notes about a recurring dream of mine.  I’ve noticed that I have the same dream after these intense family get-togethers.  It’s a little different each time, but usually goes like this: 

I drop my contact lens.  No big deal.  I lean down to look and there it is on the ground at my feet.  But when I reach down to pick it up, I see another lens close by.  Is that my lens, or is the first one the right one?  Then, when I look a little farther, I see five or ten lenses, and then hundreds and thousands of lenses scattered out around me.  I don’t know what to do.  How can I be sure which lens is the right one?

I always wake up feeling confused and upset.  I know the dream is related to the family meetings, but what does it mean?

Signed,

Dreading Thanksgiving

Dear Dreading,

Good work!  By connecting the recurrence of this dream to your family’s ‘support’ sessions, you have made great strides in understanding its metaphor.

You mentioned that each of your family members is bent on being helpful to you by offering advice even when you don’t ask for it.  Your dream uses your contact lens as a symbol for how you see things.  In the barrage of help from your family, you lose your own point of view – drop your lens.  And when you go to retrieve it, there are so many alternate points of view – lenses – that you come away confused and unsure which way to look!  No wonder you’re upset.

It’s time to assert yourself with those who love you a little too much, Dear Dreamer.  Consider establishing some ground rules for discussion of your life before you go home for the holidays.  Let each person know how much you appreciate their input, but stand your ground.  You are not their project and no longer need the kind of hovering intervention they insist upon.  You will need to be skillful in changing the subject and maintaining a happy attitude while sidestepping their well-intentioned but overbearing advice.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

Dream Interpretation: New make-up could mean a new you

Speaking in metaphor and using a richly creative process, our dreams condense a lot of information into a few images.  So always be on the lookout for puns and plays on words in your dreams as these provide a lot of understanding in a few words.  For example, being arrested in your dream could speak to legal problems, but might also refer to being stuck, or stopped in your tracks - arrested.  Today’s dreamer has a play on words to consider too.

Dear SMYD,

“Mike” and I have been friends for many years.  He is extremely well-read and has traveled everywhere, it seems.  We talk about culture and art and trends in society – things that I don’t often talk about with anyone else.  We live close to each other and have coffee and talk for hours.

A few days ago I dreamed that Mike did my make-up.  My husband wasn’t very happy about it, but I knew it was no big deal.  From my viewpoint, there was no need to attach any ulterior meaning to it, particularly because Mike is gay.

Mike did a very professional job.  My make-up looked great, almost as though I was air brushed.  I don’t usually wear much make up, so this was very different for me.  And then, I did seem to have another interest in him.  It felt odd since he’s gay, but I pulled him toward me and it felt kind of sexual.  Then I was a confused and pushed him away.

Signed,

New Make-Up

Dear New Make-up,

In working with your dream, it will be useful to think about an alternate meaning for “make-up.”  Your dream uses Mike’s actions and the term to illustrate your make-up, that is, your traits, or the characteristics that make you up.  It appears that you and Mike have a lot in common, and these are things you don’t have in common with anyone else, even your husband.  This could explain why your husband could feel a twinge of jealousy about the long conversations you share with Mike, even though Mike isn’t his sexual rival.

In addition, your dream suggests that you are drawn to Mike for the intellectual stimulation he provides – his make-up.  He adds to your experience of life in a way that others do not.  This leaves you feeling uncomfortable, perhaps because of your loyalty to your husband.

As you’ve demonstrated through years of friendship with Mike, he enriches your life, Dear Dreamer.  You pull him toward you because of a yearning to develop that part of yourself to a greater degree, thus the sexual tone to that moment in your dream.  This need not mean an infidelity to those you love and have committed your life to.  You may pursue your interests in art and culture and all the rest in good conscience.  You will be happier and more attractive to your husband than you would if you stifled this part of your “make-up.”

Sweet Dreams to You!

A leech from the past sucks at today's dreamer!

Recurring dreams can be among the most upsetting of dreams and by that same token, among the most helpful in moving a dreamer forward in her waking life.  Consider today’s example – a recurring dream of leeches sucking the lifeblood from our dreamer!

Dear SMYD,

A few nights ago I dreamed of an old boyfriend from way back in my past, “Johnny.”  I became so frustrated with him!  He got the idea early in his life that he didn’t have to work very hard.  At a young age he was already head and shoulders above any competitors.  Then, as he grew up and rose in the ranks, he found himself among others equally talented.  It was harder him to stand out.  But instead of working harder, his efforts became lackluster.  So he plateaued.  He lived on his laurels and outgrew them.  Instead of sending him to the top of his game, his talents and early success sent him on a low trajectory. 

For whatever reason, I dream of him two or three times a year!  The dreams vary a little, but most of them are like the one this week:  I feel an itch and look down and see that to my horror, a leech is clamped onto to my arm.  When I pull it off, I see that it has Johnny’s face!  As soon as I throw it away, another one is sucking at my leg or my breast or my neck.  They all have his face.  I push them away and struggle with them, but they keep coming back, sucking at me.

Signed,

Creeped Out by Leaches

Dear Creeped Out,

While you don’t mention that you have a similar talent or the same level of early success that Johnny had, it seems likely that you do.  After all, your dream is suggesting that you parallel him in pattern of behavior.  Whatever it is in you that gives in too quickly and resists working hard when the going gets tough is very Johnny-like.  It is sucking at you, draining your lifeblood, your vigor and your chances for greater success in your chosen endeavors.

If you do not recognize the similarity between yourself and Johnny immediately, here’s a method that will help you pin it down:  You’ve just had ‘the dream.’  Write it down along with the events and circumstances of your waking life.  Chances are excellent that something’s going on that has you feeling defeated.  You just don’t have any more energy to give it.  Face it.  That’s what Johnny said to himself.  Why try when it’s so hard?

Still not ringing a bell?  That’s OK.  Wait until the dream comes again.  Write it down again along with the current events and circumstances.  You will begin to see quickly that this dream comes when you are in your “Johnny mode” of giving up instead of trying harder to achieve the goals to which you give lip service.

You must break this habit Dear Dreamer or your trajectory will flatten as well.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Sex, death and automobiles!

In anticipation of the 31^st Annual Conference of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, to be held at the Doubletree Hotel at the Berkeley Marina, June 4-8, 2014, let’s take a look at some timeless insights into dream meaning by the Reverend JeremyTaylor, Co-Founder and Past President of the IASD.

Dear Dreamers,

You most likely have known me to dissuade you from subscribing to any source of information about dreams that claims to know definitively that “if you dream ‘this’ it means ‘this.’”

Dreams are too personal and too complex to be reduced to such simplistic terms!

But, having said that, we can look to certain archetypal images that occur in dreams across the spectrum of dreamers.  Even their implications for an individual dreamer cannot be summed up in a pat “definition;” but as former President of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, Reverend Jeremy Taylor says, their metaphorical message “turns out to be true so often, that it’s worth asking if it might be true” for the current dream you’re working on. 

Keeping mindful of the already-stated caveat, Taylor goes on to discuss several dream images with which you are no doubt are familiar:

1.      1.  Vehicles, specifically automobiles:  These will frequently provide analogies to the physical self.  If something is wrong with your car in your dream, it is a good starting place to look for a corresponding physical symptom in your own body.  Or, there may be a literal tie to your actual, waking-life automobile.  Brakes fail in your dream; check your brakes in your waking life.

      2.   Death:  In our dreams, is not to be feared.  Death represents a dramatic change through emotional growth.  You cannot grow up and become, let’s say, a more empathetic person until you experience the death of your self-centered, uncaring self.  Even dreams of suicide speak to our deliberate choice to change our way of being in waking life.  In effect, death is the necessary precursor to rebirth as a “new, improved” person!

3.     3. Sex:  Almost always, overt sex in our dreams will be addressing a longing in our waking life.  Here it is important to spend time understanding our sex partner.  If your dreaming self has you in an intimate embrace with a former professional colleague, for example, it will be helpful to think about the salient qualities that person has.  Your dream suggests that you are longing to make them your own.  According to Taylor, dreams of same sex love or attraction reflect your own deepening sense of self-acceptance.

There are, of course, many more archetypal images that frequent our dreams.  Beginning your exploration with such timeless approaches is a sure gateway to understanding your dreams.  From there, dream work shifts naturally to the personal application that will change your thinking and change your life!

If you can attend the IASD Conference in Berkeley, by all means do!  You will have a rich and worthwhile experience.  In any case, please continue to Send Me Your Dreams!

Sweet Dreams to You!

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

Dreamer throws hand grenade down the storm drain!

If your dream presents you with an explosion or even the potential for one, you must pay close attention to its implications.  Today’s dreamer seems out of harm’s way, but still should validate that conclusion with her doctor.

Dear SMYD,

At a reunion recently, I sat at the kitchen table with four generations of women from my family.  I had a great time except for learning one extremely troubling thing:  My mom and aunts and grandma all talked about a debilitating condition that they say runs in our family.  I know it’s partly superstition, but now I’m really scared.

Then I dreamed I was standing on a metal grid over a storm drain.  I was with another woman who was dressed as though she was from the 30’s.  She wore a big wool camel-colored coat with broad padded shoulders.  She had auburn hair in a 1930’s coif.  She was beautiful with perfect skin and red lips.  We were standing side-by-side on this grid over a storm drain.  It must have rained - the streets were wet.

Then a young man came and handed her something.  I could see that it was a hand grenade and he had pulled the pin.  It had that lever on the side that when released would allow it to explode.  Somehow I got it from her and pushed it between the metal bars of the grid.

It started to fall and I knew it was going to explode below us.  But it continued to fall for a long, long, long time.  When it finally did explode it was so far below us that it was amazing.  We had no idea the drainpipe was so long and deep.  We heard it explode and could see the flash of the explosion, but we were unharmed and laughed a little laugh of relief.

Signed,

Family Bombshell

Dear Bombshell,

Your dream seems to speak about the things deep in your family history -  from grandmother’s generation and earlier - that you are worried could be harmful to you.  You are standing there with someone who could be your grandmother, looking beautiful and perfect, when this bomb arrives, similar to the way the news was delivered to you at the table.

You mention your belief that the condition your family members referred to is mostly superstition.  So in your dream, you stuff it into the drain pipe even though you know it is going to explode.  This is not your best plan of action.  While you do not want to assume a literal meaning for your dream, it is prudent to respond to all possibilities.  Check with your doctor about the condition and its propensity to follow families.  Then you can set your mind at ease.

Happily, in your dream the explosion is so deep, so far below, it is essentially harmless.  This is most likely the outcome you will find as you complete your due diligence in researching with your doctor.  Then you can again laugh that little laugh of relief.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

Driving with Miss Cindy

Any time you let someone else do the driving, you are subject to their whims.

If a dreamer takes a back seat in her own car or relinquishes control to someone she barely knows, as today’s dreamer did, caution is called for.  Notice how the tone of her dream changes when she asserts her feelings.

Dear SMYD,

I have been living on my own for over a year now.  It’s good because my dad died and my mom couldn’t really afford to feed me.  The hard part is that I can’t always afford to feed myself!  I have two pretty good jobs and pay my rent on time every month, but my diet is mostly cereal and milk, mac and cheese and Top Ramen!  Not so good.

I have met a new friend at one of my jobs, “Cindy,” and we are talking about becoming roommates.  It would definitely help me to have someone share the rent and buy the groceries.  We are about the same age, but she is married, and they aren’t getting along.  So she needs a place to stay for a little while so she can think things over.

Last night I dreamed that Cindy was driving my car and I was riding in the back seat.  She seemed careless and I was concerned about her driving.  So I did some backseat driving of my own.  I warned her to look out for a curb and watch out when another car came too close.  She didn’t like my directions very much at first.  But soon we both relaxed and she drove us to a nice old foreign looking town.  We stopped there and had a good time.

Signed,

Riding Around with Cindy at the Wheel

Dear Riding,

Your dream offers two powerful metaphors that demand your attention.  Taking a back seat speaks clearly to the idea of putting yourself in the background in a relationship.  You do not say your exact age, but assuming you are quite young, perhaps it is normal to step back and observe how someone more worldly, a married woman, does things.  But the fact that you let her drive you – your car – can be worrisome.  Generally, it is not a good idea to let someone else run your life, especially someone you know so little about!

Still, you speak up for yourself when you feel uncomfortable with how things are going.  That is important for you to remember, Dear Dreamer.  Your dream suggests that when you assert yourself, Cindy will respond in such a way that you both can relax and be comfortable.

You wind up in a place you are both unfamiliar with, the foreign town.  The implication is that you both will learn some things you did not expect to learn and enjoy the ride as you do.  This bodes well for your time with Cindy so long as you watch the road closely and make your feelings known.  Just because you let her drive this time, doesn’t mean it’s OK to let her run your life!

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dreamer worries about losing her head at work

Anne Boleyn lost her head, perhaps because she failed to understand the politics in Henry VIII's castle.  But today's dreamer has a good role model to help her avoid the pitfalls  at work.

Today’s dreamer has taken big steps toward putting her dream into the context of her waking life events.  We can readily see how her dream offers insights into her new job and the office politics she fears.

Dear Carolyn,

I had a dream about navigating customs at a Turkish airport.  A manager from my real-life office, a woman of Middle Eastern ancestry, helped me through customs in my dream world.  There was a bathroom at the airport with make-up bottles that women had thrown away because they knew they could not take liquid make-up through customs.  There was a maze-like hallway in the dream with switchbacks and dead ends.  The bathroom was at the end of one of these turnaround points.

 In real life, this particular woman from the dream seems to be one of the up and comers, one of the insiders in my new office situation where a surprising number of seemingly good individuals (in my judgment) have been re-assigned, demoted, or have resigned recently.  Could it be that things are not always what they seem on the surface, whether it is a woman painted with make-up or a people engaged in office politics?  Will it help to stop wearing make up to work?  Or, could it be that make-up is a metaphor for wearing a game face or not wearing make-up could be a metaphor for being my authentic self?  Just curious.  In real life, I realize there will always be office politics, but it always makes me shiver a bit when the axe falls and heads roll.  Now I know how Anne Boleyn must have felt.  Please don't use my real name in your column.  I would hate to lose my head by someone else's hand!  I have enough trouble keeping it on my shoulders.  

Signed,

The Queen’s Sister

Dear Sister,

You have many good leads to follow in your dream and your insights are right on track. 

You mention that you are in a new job and the manager who guides you in your dream is helping you “navigate customs.”  Consider it a play on words.  Rather than the literal meaning of passing through airport customs, you have to learn the norms and conventions – the customs – of your new workplace.  Happily, you have a guide or role model who is an “up and comer, an office insider” who knows the pitfalls of the terrain.  Follow her example.

You don’t have to stop wearing your make-up to work!  Rather, your dream suggests that you should be yourself, and you can do that with your make-up on as usual.  True, we all have game faces, or work faces that differ from our casual faces.  We adjust our manners and mannerisms to the various situations in which we operate during the course of a day.   

Be yourself, work diligently and you will fare well in your new environment – so long as you don’t dally with the King!

Sweet Dreams to You!

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Dreamer test drives a re-marriage

Dreams of driving a car are often dreams about how we move along the roads of life.  How the car handles the curves may speak to how the driver manages the challenges of daily life.  Today’s dreamer has a test drive of a car she used to own as she considers going back to a life she used to live.

Dear SMYD,

My husband “Ray” and I split up about a year and a half ago.  It was about as amiable as a divorce can be, especially since I broke his heart.  Maybe it was amiable because I broke his heart!  I think he wanted to keep everything friendly and easy so it wouldn’t spoil the chances of our getting back together.  He told me he has always held out hope of that.

We have been talking lately and going for coffee, things like that, all very public, nothing serious or intimate in any way.  I can tell he still wants us to remarry.  I’m not sure how I feel about it.

Now here’s my dream:  I bought a new car, but it was my old car, the one I drove when Ray and I were married.  It was waiting for me in a parking lot.  When I got in it, it was cramped and seemed a lot smaller than I remembered it.  But I adjusted the seat and was comfortable enough. 

I drove it fast over dirt roads and muddy roads.  I skimmed over ruts and potholes, slippery spots and puddles.  The car became a go-cart and I was grumpy about it because there wasn’t much to it.  I was annoyed that I might be splashed by one of the puddles, but the water splashed away from me.  In the end,  I was surprised and pleased that the little car made it through everything, handled so well, and was comfortable overall.

Signed,

Car Shopping

Dear Car Shopping,

As you describe him, it seems that Ray has been in a holding pattern since your split, hoping to get back with you.  You might say he was in a parking lot, like the car in your dream.  It is the car you drove when you were together.  And now, as you are giving Ray a second look, your dream represents this as taking that car, Ray, for a test drive! 

The car is different from the way you remember it, just as a second marriage might be different.  For one thing, it seems cramped at first.  But when you make an adjustment, you are comfortable.  Maybe the first time around you were unnecessarily grumpy because you expected more than you truly needed.  Perhaps you were the pessimist, expecting to be splashed before you saw which way the water would fly.

Keep in mind Dear Dreamer – you would need to adjust yourself to make things work with Ray.  If you do that, you could travel many a road nimbly and in pleasant and surprising contentment.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

How to heal a broken heart

Whenever we dream of our money, our valuables or the places we store them, that dream is not necessarily speaking about actual cash or jewelry, but something intangible we hold dear.  Then the setting or the outcome of the dream is most relevant.  What happens to your “stuff” and how you feel about it are keys to understanding your dream’s message.  Today’s dream shows the dreamer’s loss of everything out of her wallet, almost.

Dear SMYD,

My parents say that someone my age cannot experience true love.  Teenagers are too young to know the meaning of the word, so my mom says.  I know she is trying to help me get over being dumped by my boyfriend, but it doesn't help.  I am in pain, real pain!  Even my best friend just says to go out with other guys as a remedy.  I tried it with a really cute guy and broke out crying in the middle of the date!  “Just get over it!” is not working.  I am so sad every day and I don’t know what to do.

Now I have had this weird dream and it really bothered me.  Please tell me what you think it means:  Someone stole everything out of my wallet – my paycheck and my first credit card, everything!  I was so upset I cried and cried.  I was sobbing my eyes out until I suddenly realized that I still had my ID and pictures of my mom and dad and my brother.  For some reason then I knew that everything was going to be OK. 

Signed,

Broken Hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

While it is not the same as a more mature, “eyes wide open” love, young love is real, and first love is most poignant.  A broken heart is painful no matter how old you are!

Many of us, young and older, put so much value into our relationship with a significant other that we lose a bit of who we are without that person.  We surrender too much of ourselves and think our lives have meaning only in relation to the other person.  This may be what your parents are trying to guard against.  They know that the best relationships most often come when two fully-formed, independent people decide to join forces.

Your dream suggests that you gave up a lot of yourself to be with the guy who dumped you.  When he left, he “stole” your most valued possession, your self-esteem.  At first, through your sobbing and grief, you thought you had lost your very identity.  But no, Dear Dreamer!  Your dream reveals that you still have your ID and your family, those who truly love and support you.

You have heard that time heals all wounds.  It truly does.  So while it seems impossible to you now, it is certain that you will emerge a stronger person and better partner in your next go-round.  As for the young man who hurt you, remember also that Time wounds all Heels.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Don't let the pond scum keep you down!

In dreams, animals that live below the surface can signify thoughts kept private.

When the action of a dream takes place underground or in the back yard, or behind any building, it suggests thoughts or a state of mind that is private or behind the scenes.  Today’s dream provides an example of how background can affect foreground.

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed that whales and dolphins were swimming in my backyard!  They were leaping and splashing, extremely playful and fun to watch.  I was thrilled, and so excited and happy to see them.  I knew they were a good sign, that they meant good things.  I couldn’t wait to tell my husband about them.  But I also felt frustrated when I tried to find him.

Then, when I went back to see the all the animals and to show them off, there weren’t as many there.  There weren’t any whales at all.  All that was left were seals and dolphins and they seemed less playful.  And the water had some scum in the corner nearest the house.  It was green like algae that forms on stagnant water.  This was upsetting to me.  I didn’t know what to do.

The next day, when I tried to talk to my husband about it, all he said was that I worry too much about pollution!  I am concerned about the environment, but even though the pond scum bothered me, I think the dream is about something else.  What do you make of it?

Signed,

Sad about the Whales

Dear Sad,

Your dream has selected an image and a concept that are important to you to draw attention another aspect of your life that may be languishing.

In your very own backyard, or below the surface of your consciousness, are playing some beautiful and powerful animals.  Whales and dolphins inspire awe not only fortheir wild beauty, but also for the intelligence we are learning more and more about.  Even in your dream you knew their appearance signaled positive things.  For you, this dream illustrates those powerful, positive and playful energies playing just below the surface.  You have kept this part of yourself behind the scenes, but now you’d like to show it off to the world.

The scum suggests a negative element creeps in and keeps you from expressing the joy and creativity that is thriving within you and ready to burst forth.  Don’t give in to pedestrian or pessimistic thoughts that seep into your mind, Dear Dreamer!  If allowed to expand, like the algae in your dream, they can suck the air out of your playful self, limit your creative impulses, and consign you to frustration and acceptance of the mundane.

Your husband mentioned your caring concern for the environment, and this may the appropriate focus for your talent and energy.  But you may also have an idea that you have not yet expressed to the outside world, something that you have dreamed of, but are shy to pursue.  Find anoutlet for this part of yourself and you find a richer life.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Security doesn't always mean happiness

Our pets may appear in our dreams acting as an aspect of ourselves.  Is your pet courageous?  Always there to protect you?  Or, is she timid and afraid of her own shadow?  Her personality trait in your dream most likely points to a trait of your own that is helping you or holding you back.

Dear SMYD,

My mother is impatient with my love life.  She has thrown up her hands at me.  I was divorced more than 10 years ago and she wants to see me remarried, settled down and secure.  I have dated a few men since the divorce and mom has approved of every one.  But each one has had a personal habit or a character flaw that I did not want to live with.  She thinks I am too picky and unrealistic.

Now I have been dating Don for several months, and mom and I are going through the same argument.  She thinks I should marry him (he seems inclined to propose sometime soon) and I am feeling uncertain.  He is a good man, but holds on a little too tight if you know what I mean.

Here’s my dream:  I have Sweetie, my dog, under my arm and I am running toward a storm shelter.  Sweetie didn’t like what was happening and struggled to get free and run away.  I kept her with me knowing what was good for her – that she would be safe with me and that I would know where she was, which would make me feel better.

Storms were coming.  There were big clouds coming toward me.  They were white and the sun was also shining.  We had to run up a hill to the shelter.  A man was there showing us the way, waving his arms like he was directing traffic.  He looked kind of like Don.

So what do you make of this dream?

Signed,

Running from a Storm

Dear Running,

It seems clear that you and Sweetie have a prominent trait in common:  Neither of you likes to be held too closely or prevented from enjoying your freedom. 

In your dream, you force Sweetie to go with you toward the “shelter” where Don beckons.  But she struggles to free herself, even though you, or more likely the mother in you, purports to know what is good for her. 

What is there to run from, Dear Dreamer?  Sure, there are clouds in the sky, but white clouds on a sunny day, not dark threatening stormy clouds.  Why would you go into a shelter?  Don calls you to join him.  He clearly represents a safe place, but perhaps more safety than is called for.  That kind of “safety” can be stifling, as you already know. 

Your mother’s intentions are good, Dear Dreamer.  She “knows what’s good for you,” and for her that means security above all else.  But you, not she, will have to live in the confined space where Don controls the traffic.  Your dream says to trust your own instincts. 

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dreamer's grandma still knows best

Dreams of a loved one who has passed away can be especially powerful.  All the memories and emotions associated with that person emerge.  Many feel that these are actual communications from the departed.  But even for those who do not accept that explanation, such dreams can offer important insights for the dreamer.

Dear Carolyn,

My grandmother and I became very close after both my parents died when I was still a young woman.  We could talk about everything!  This was a wonderful discovery for me since I didn’t really know her that well before because we lived in different states across the country.  At that time in my life it was amazing to talk with her about men!  I had several failed relationships and she had experience I never knew about.  (Up until then I only knew “grandma stuff” about her.)  She gave me some great advice that has stuck with me all these years.

Now, she has been gone many years and I am at a very different point in my life.  This week I had an extremely poignant dream about her.  In it, I am kneeling in front of her and I am so happy to see her!  She takes my face in her hands and looks at me with such love.  We both are teary-eyed.  But then, just as she is about to tell me something important, the dream ends.

I felt so glad to have had this experience – it wasn’t like other dreams.  It seemed like I was really with her!  I was sad to wake up and especially sad that I didn’t get to hear what she had to say!

Signed,

Missing Grandma’s Advice

Dear Missing,

A Freudian approach to your dream would suggest that your yearning for your grandmother produced a dream about her, and dismiss it as that.  At the other end of the spectrum are those who would say that this is without a doubt a visit from beyond the grave.

The distinction may be less important than the application of the dream’s content to your waking life. 

One of the most important things you have retained from your days with your grandmother was learning about her life’s experience and the advice she offered to you in what seems to have been a tumultuous time in your life.  You do not give too many details, but perhaps there is something in your life now that could use a bit of Grandma’s wisdom.  Chances are good that if you review key relationships you have now, at home, at work and in the community, there is a place where her kind of wisdom applies. 

You mention that your grandmother surprised you with her knowledge and understanding of romantic relationships.  That’s a good place to start.  Did she offer you a cardinal rule?  Even though she didn’t speak it in the dream before you woke, chances are good that she would say that rule still applies today.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

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