Anticipating the 29th Annual IASD Conference

Dearest Dreamers,

My deadline for Send Me Your Dreams comes up before the end of the 29^th Annual Conference of the International Association for the Study of Dreams.  So as I write this, I’m gearing up to spend four and half days in Berkeley immersed in a dream world of dreamers. 

In my own brand of nerdiness, I set goals when I registered months ago:  #1 - Meet, no, more than meet, actually converse with Gayle Delaney, Patricia Garfield, and Ernest Hartmann.  All Ph.D.’s.  All pioneers steeped in dream research and education.  All so cool.

I’ll report back later.  But in the short term, here’s my preview:

Gayle Delaney is the founding President of the Association for the Study of Dreams.  She wrote my go-to book for the understanding and practical application of dreams - Living Your Dreams.  She specializes in the pragmatic uses of dreams for problem solving and psychological insight.  My kind of gal.  Maybe you remember seeing her steps for incubating dreams in my columns.

Patricia Garfield is a renowned expert in the study of dreams.  She is the prize-winning author of eleven books on dreams, most notably her first bestseller Creative Dreaming (1974), considered a classic.  Revised in 1995, it's still in print and appears in fifteen languages.  Dr. Garfield is Co-Founder and Past President of the International Association for the Study of Dreams.

Ernest Hartmann is also a Past President of IASD, and Professor of Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine.  He’s the author of eleven books including The Nature and Functions of Dreaming.  Dr. Hartmann writes for non-professionals as well as professionals, making his cutting-edge research accessible and fascinating.

Finally, I am so looking forward to taking a cup of tea with Dr. Marcia Emery, noted psychologist, academician, consultant, and author of Dr. Marcia Emery's Intuition Workbook, The Intuitive Healer and PowerHunch.  She’s been in my column as well, sharing her process for understanding your dreams.  I’ll be attending her session on intuition and dreams.

More than 20 dream workshops offer experiences for putting theory into practice.  It’s hard to decide, but I think I’ll start with lucid dreams.  These are the ones where part of you is aware that the other part is dreaming.  Lots of possibilities here for speeding personal growth.  From there I’ll sample dream themes across cultures, then on to dream maps.

Auxiliary activities provide many opportunities as well.  There’s a dream art exhibition (where I’ll serve as a volunteer monitor), a dream hike, dream cruise with dessert, and … a dream telepathy contest!  I participated in such a contest at a past conference.  It was fun.  And I was pretty good at it!  Perhaps you, Dear Dreamers, would like to try your hand at dream telepathy?  I will offer an opportunity soon.

There’s not much down time in the next five days, but that’s OK.  I’ve dreamed of this for a long time!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Uncle Roger Tries to Make Amends

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed I saw my Uncle Roger in a white tuxedo at the wedding of someone much younger.  Even I know wearing white to someone else’s wedding is taboo! 

I didn’t see the wedding itself, but it was in a cheesy sort of place with cheap paneling and folding chairs.  Uncle Roger’s tux was white, form fitting, and covered in sequins.  It even had large areas where the fabric was sheer!  It looked like one Liberace would have worn in his heyday! 

Uncle Roger’s body looked younger and slender in the tight tuxedo, not like in real life; he’s 80 after all and time has taken its toll.  Just as he keeps it today, his hair in the dream was dyed an unnatural dark brown, styled perfectly, and sprayed into place.  His face was pretty much like it actually is today, quite old with heavy sagging jowls and eyelids.  Uncle Roger just stood there looking at me with a smile.

I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed of Uncle Roger before in my life.  But after not seeing each other for many years, he suddenly seems to be making a big effort to be my friend.  We live in different states and weren’t close when I was growing up with my cousins, his kids.  In fact, I didn’t much like him or trust him back then probably because my dad didn’t, though he never told me why.  Like kids do, I just picked up my dad’s opinion and made it my own.  In a way, it’s nice to be back in touch with Uncle Roger, though I feel some reservations.  My dad’s no longer around to ask, and I still wonder why he and Uncle Roger didn’t get along.

What do you suppose this dream means?

Signed,

Still Dubious

Dear Dubious,

Consider your dream as offering insight into your Uncle Roger and his recent communications.  It confirms the caution you’ve felt for many years.  In your dream, even though your Uncle Roger presents himself in the best possible light, your dreaming self still finds him “cheesy.”  He appears in an outfit that’s incongruous for him and unbefitting the occasion.  At best, his efforts to put up a good front fall short.

With his flamboyant attire, he distracts you from the event and its flimsy setting.  His efforts to be the center of your attention are based on creation of a false image.  He smiles at you, wanting to seem different from what he is, hoping you’ll approve.  But the setting, his frozen hair and haggard face are the same as they’ve always been.  They give him away as being unchanged. 

But don’t be too hard on him, Dear Dreamer.  It could be your Uncle Roger is seeking your attention out of loneliness or remorse.  Remember, he’s in the twilight of his life, and he has reached out to you, perhaps to make up for past transgressions you’ll never know. 

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Too Much Work Makes an Unhappy Girl

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed about Mary, a woman who works with me in a stressful environment.  Mary is intelligent and always seeking improvement; that’s the nice way of saying it.  The blunt way is that she can be a pain in the neck! 

I work hard and want things done right, but Mary works too hard!  She stays up until midnight and worries over the tiniest details that don’t matter to anyone else.  She pushes herself to the point of endangering her physical and mental health, her good humor and happiness.  Then she complains!  At least I keep my frustration to myself.

In my dream Mary was taking me to a Mensa meeting.  It was difficult to get there since we were at work, and very busy.  When we got to the meeting, it seemed to have no purpose!  The members were milling around and socializing, but not much more.  I felt frustrated at the waste of time.  I challenged them to define a purpose for their meeting and get moving on something worthwhile.  They were surprised at me and said I should be patient.

Signed,

No Time to Waste

Dear No Time,

It seems your dreaming self has chosen Mary to show you a bit of yourself.  Perhaps you are more like her than you’d like to acknowledge.  She is a perfectionist, and a worrier, stewing over details and devoting too much time to them, to her own detriment.  Consider your description of yourself – a hard worker who wants things done right.  Be honest with yourself; does this really mean done your way?

You don’t complain externally, but you admit complaining internally.  This type of keeping it all in may put you at greater risk of ruining your own health, good humor and happiness.  Suffering silently about a cause only you subscribe to is worse than pointless.  It’s self-destructive. 

You say Mary can be a pain in the neck.  A long-suffering martyr can also be difficult to work with.  You believe that keeping your complaints to yourself is the same as presenting a cheerful front.  But, chances are excellent that those negative thoughts show themselves in your attitude or actions toward those around you. 

Since you and Mary go together to a Mensa meeting, where people of the highest intelligence gather, the suggestion is that you, like Mary, are intelligent and always seeking improvement.  But in that meeting, when you pressure the members to find a purpose and get to it, they respond to you with a call for patience.  When people at the Mensa meeting weren’t doing what you thought they should be doing, you became impatient, even calling it a waste of time to relax.  Your dream suggests you fail to see that intelligent people also take time to relax, socialize and enjoy themselves.  They understand the necessity of “down time” and value it as highly as work. 

Keep your high standards, but don’t work yourself into an unhappy, unhealthy corner, Dear Dreamer.

Sweet Dreams to You!

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Dream Breakdown Warns of Serious Problems

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My family tells me I'm back from the dead!  I have severe sleep apnea.  Every now and then it causes me to quit breathing and my heart completely stops.  When I’m that in that state, I’m considered to be "clinically dead."  My family knows this and always keeps an ear tuned to my bedroom.  They’re afraid I won’t wake up!

In my dream I was trying to get my car started because the engine failed.  It finally started but it was running weak until two unknown guys pushed on the valves to make them move.  

With the car running, I kept on dreaming in a sound and peaceful sleep until there was a knock on my door.  It was my cousin.  I could detect a bit of panic in her voice as she was saying, "Are you alright?!"  She told me later that I was so slow to answer her knock that she was afraid my sleep apnea got the best of me.

It's a great day to be alive!

Signed,

Sleeping Too Soundly

Dear Sleeping,

Perhaps you’ve seen past columns in which we've said to dreamers that it makes good sense to consider a literal meaning to their dreams.  So, if this were a literal dream showing that the valves in your car are stuck, now would be a good time to check those valves.  Consider your car’s condition.  Does it need a tune up?

Your dream isn’t literal, Dear Dreamer, though its message is straightforward and should not be ignored.  This important health dream uses your car as a metaphor for your body.  It illustrates how your sleep apnea can cause your engine - your heart - to fail!  WebMD reports that untreated sleep apnea can cause hypertension, stroke, or heart failure.  This is a dramatic statement of the danger you are in! 

In your dream, your “engine” stops running and you can’t get it started again without the help of a couple of guys pushing on the valves.  You didn’t mention what those unknown guys were wearing when they helped you.  I wonder if they wore white doctor’s smocks! 

Dear Dreamer, if your car wouldn’t start or if its performance was weakened by sticky valves, I’m sure you would get it into the shop right away.  Your dream is speaking in the same terms about your most precious personal possession, your body.  Give yourself the same level of care!  Get right into the doctor and have yourself checked out.  Don’t keep living in a weakened state. 

And don’t leave your survival to the chance of a family member knocking on your door at the critical moment.  The expectation that they will always keep an ear tuned and constantly remain at the ready to save your life is an unfair one.  You are responsible to yourself and your family.

As you said, it’s a great day to be alive.  Take care of yourself and stay that way!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Anchors away...again!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

          I have been out of the US Navy for about 30 years.  In those days I was a Radioman, the one who sends and receives electronic messages from onboard a ship.  Back then the radioman’s job entailed typing messages on a teletype and sending them to the appropriate addresses.  This was the manual form of today's email!  My current job at the bank is equivalent - kind like an IT tech.

In the past I never dreamed of my Navy days, but now I often do.  In these dreams, I am always in my old rate of radioman and making mistakes.  I would make errors in finding the right addresses, errors in my typing, not preforming certain procedures correctly and not knowing enough about my job for my rank.

Sometimes I do all right, but most of the time I made many errors and got into trouble for it.  Some of the dreams were on ship and some in barracks on land.  There was a general feeling of loss throughout my dreams.

             Since my tenure began at the bank, I have had a feeling of returning to my past and of not growing up, as if I have not learned anything and am making the same mistakes over and over, which in some cases is true in reality.  I get into the same troubles in my dreams and in reality!  These mistakes continue to haunt me to this day!  I just don’t understand why I keep dreaming about being in the Navy!

Signed,

Onboard Ship Again

Dear Onboard,

You have done a pretty good job of making the connections between your dream and your waking reality.  The mistakes you made as a radioman seem to be the same mistakes you’re making in your current job.  You’re still getting in trouble for your errors, and you still find it frustrating as evidenced by your feeling of being haunted by the past.  You said it clearly – “I have had a feeling of returning to my past and of not growing up, as if I have not learned anything and am making the same mistakes over and over.”

The parallels between your experiences in the Navy and your current life experiences are most likely the reason your dreams are set in the Navy.  So long as the experiences replay and repeat in your waking life, your dreaming self is likely to find ways to point them out, showing that your assessment is true:  the biggest part of growing up is learning from past mistakes and leaving them behind, not repeating them! 

Even a small change can help you break the cycle of making the same errors and suffering the same consequences.  Seek the advice of a trusted co-worker or friend in developing a game plan for improvement.  Taking small step after small step can free you in your waking life and in your dreams as well!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

You're in the Big Leagues Now!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’m not a star athlete, or even a baseball player, but I’ve dreamed twice now about the famous ace pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, Tim Lincecum.  In the first dream, I’m walking into a big league ball park for a workout and Lincecum falls in beside me.  We toss a baseball back and forth between us, and then we start jogging along together.  Tim has a big smile on his face; it’s a sunny day, and I feel great to be there with him even though it’s so incredible I can hardly believe it’s true.  Some scouts on the sidelines seem to be impressed with me, probably because I’m there with Tim.

In the second dream I’m with Tim Lincecum again.  In this dream, I am in a gym or workout area and Timmy is there.  I was just a custodian, or other low-ranking employee.  He seems surprised to see me.  I think I interrupted his thoughts or his workout routine.  Though he’s startled at first, he engages me.  He seems to do this out of duty or obligation at first, but even though the relationship is odd or awkward, we soon start having fun with the workout.

Signed,

Star-Struck Baseball Fan

Dear Star-Struck,

You don’t mention what’s going on in your waking life, but your dreams offer some insights.  The suggestion in both cases is that somehow, you’re getting ready for the “big leagues” in your chosen endeavors.  You’ve been putting in the work as demonstrated when you find yourself entering into a big league stadium to work out on your own; then a major league player, one you hold in high esteem, falls into step with you, and tosses the ball with you as an equal.  He jogs with you, smiling and relaxed with you at his side.  He accepts your presence as natural and so should you!  The scouts are impressed by your appearance there, even if you still can’t quite believe it.  You are coming into the major leagues. 

Your second dream seems to reaffirm the notion.  While you may think of yourself as a low-ranking employee, not in the same league as those around you; the circumstances may feel surprising, odd, or awkward, but go ahead and get used to it.  You’re working out like a big leaguer, and you’re accepted into the realm of high performers! 

In your dreams, it felt great for you to be there, and after an initial phase of incredulity or awkwardness, you fit right in.  Your next step in your waking life is to get comfortable in your new surroundings and do what you’ve prepared yourself to do.  You may set aside your lack of confidence and consider yourself to be where you belong - in the big leagues.  Your dreams show that you have the work ethic, the skill, and the talent, just like star pitcher Tim Lincecum.  You deserve to play in that arena.

Congratulations!  You’ve earned the elevated status you’re about to enjoy!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

We Naturally Incubate Dreams

Dearest Dreamers,

You’ve read here before about incubating dreams, a process by which a dreamer works with his or her dreams to solve problems or gain insight into puzzling circumstances.

Gayle Delaney’s pragmatic handbook, Living Your Dreams details the process.  Here is a streamlined version:

·         No alcohol or drugs on incubation night.

·         Make notes about your day, including thoughts and feelings.

·         Write details of the problem.

·         Write a concise question about the problem.

·         Concentrate on the problem and question as you fall asleep.

·         Then record your dream(s) when you wake.  This comprises the stuff of your solution, even if you don’t recognize it at first. 

What’s wonderful is that this is how our dreams routinely work!

Case in point:

Recently I went to bed worried about our funny little kitten, Uma, who left the house two days before and didn’t return.  She followed her nose like a puppy, not paying attention to her surroundings.  Far away and disoriented, she couldn’t find her way back.

I didn’t think of incubation that night, but there’s no question I hashed through the events of the day including the fears I felt when our efforts to find Uma failed.

The problem was clear and simple – I feared for my little cat who was lost in the big world. 

The question wrote itself:  Where is Uma?  I didn’t have to tell myself to concentrate on this!  It was all that was on my mind! 

I slept soundly until 3am, when I woke with the following dream:

I could see myself from the back peering through the slats of a redwood fence.  I stood on tiptoes trying to see over the top, and went to the corners hoping to see into the yard it enclosed.

This dream was in my mind as I walked our neighborhood the next morning looking for Uma and that fence.  I saw many redwood fences, but none with the clean new look of the one in my dream.  I pressed on, farther afield than my previous searches.

Then I saw it.  At the top of a steep driveway, a fresh-looking redwood fence formed the gate to the back of the home above.  I went to the gate and peered through it from every angle.  No one was home.  I called Uma’s name.  No sign of her.

I left feeling sad, and returned twice more, repeating the actions I saw in the dream.  No Uma.

At last, I had to accept we might never find Uma.  Dejected, I went home to find a message on my voicemail.  When I called, the woman said she’d found a little cat in her yard with a tag reading “Uma,” along with our phone number.  Would I come and get her?

Perhaps by now you’ve guessed it ~ she lived at the crest of that hill, just across from the house with the redwood fence.

Though he didn’t remember the details, my husband also dreamed of finding Uma that night.  

Interesting, yes?  If you've had a similar experience with a dream, I'd love to hear about it! 

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!