My Grandma scared me!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My maternal grandmother died a few years ago; I was close to her.  My husband was always a favorite with my grandmother.  He made her laugh as he's quite the extrovert, as was she.  She was a very social person.  My husband is too and she loved him for it.

I had a vivid dream of my grandmother visiting me.  In the dream my husband walked in through the door that leads from our back yard to the family room and showed her through the door.  She was smiling.  He had a smile on his face and I'm sure he said, “Look who's here!”  When I saw her, I was in shock - I knew in my dream she was dead, so I was scared.  Then she fell over backwards and died!!  As soon as she fell over backwards, dead again, I woke up in a frightened state.  I was in shock at seeing her and breathing as though in a panic attack!  

The reason I'm trying to find answers to this dream is that it was so real.  She came in smiling and then fell over backwards and died.  In my dream, I knew she had died years ago, but I woke up as if I'd had a nightmare.

I'm really scared about the meaning of this dream - can you please help interpret this??

Signed,

My Grandmother Scared Me

 

Dear Scared,

Many dreamers report visits from beloved relatives who have passed on.  Frequently, these dreams have a powerful essence of reality, like yours.  Some say that in dream state, we are able to communicate with spirits on many planes.  And of course, your dream can also be understood by looking at the key players and how their traits and actions relate to you.

It seems unlikely that your grandmother would deliberately scare you in your waking life or in your dreams.  After all, as you said, you had a close relationship.

More likely, your dream is drawing your attention to the quality that is trying to come in from your background (through the back door).  It’s the characteristic that your grandmother and your husband share – that outgoing, social attribute that perhaps you shy away from.  Maybe there’s an opportunity in your waking life that calls upon you to be more like your grandmother, to be more outgoing and social, to show your sense of humor.  Your grandmother and husband encourage you to blossom in this way.

Your fear of her in your dream most likely showed your fear of taking on her (and your husband’s) easy social manner.  You are being asked to welcome this trait into your living space.  When she died again, your greater fear was evident:  What will happen if you don’t come out of your shell, Dear Dreamer?  It would be a step backward reflected by your grandmother’s backward fall. 

Can you imagine what your grandmother’s advice to you would be?  Follow it!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Am I dreaming right now?

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

In my waking life I'm fine with my achievements.  I’m not lacking in self-confidence, and gosh darn it, I like myself.

Then, just a few days into my new job, I had a dream in which a large white owl outlined the highlights of my past on a huge blackboard.  The chalkboard had an elaborate diagram drawn or, perhaps, painted with thick white chalk.  It had the painterly quality of Vincent van Gogh's "Starry Night."  (I've loved that image for decades.)

The owl pointed out that although I've held many jobs in a number of fields, my tenure in these various positions typically short.  He presented a case that I was a job hopper at best and a fraud at worst.  Yes, he seemed to say, you've done so many things, but where is the depth?

The image of the owl in the dream was very, very much like a cartoon figure who was telling me exactly what was what, the way an old-fashioned teacher would give a lecture.  

There was a lucid quality inasmuch I felt frustrated during the dream because I pride myself on my achievements and do not wish to lack confidence.

How can I change my dreams into scenes where I relax and enjoy my new job? 

Signed,

Frustrated with My Dreams

 

Dear Frustrated,

It seems you’re working on your self-confidence and appreciation of your own accomplishments.  This is suggested in two ways:  First, you begin by stating that you’re “not lacking in self-confidence,” but conclude with a declaration that you “do not wish to lack confidence.” 

In addition, the owl, the cartoon of an old-fashioned teacher, the kind who lacks credibility in modern classrooms, lectures you about your shortcomings while referring to a diagram of your life’s work that looks like a masterpiece!  Perhaps this dichotomy reflects an internal dialogue in which, on occasion, you must persuade yourself of the value of the path you’ve taken.

You mention feeling lucid in your dream – having the experience of knowing you’re dreaming while in your dream.  This can be most helpful in achieving the goal of changing your dreams into more relaxing scenes that bring enjoyment of your waking life.  Once lucid, a dreamer can interact with the elements of a dream and even influence the events.  These are powerful tools! 

Cultivation of lucid dreaming takes practice but as an experienced dreamer you can begin with a Reality Check:  Randomly throughout your day, ask yourself: “Am I dreaming right now?”  Don’t ask by rote, knowing the answer is ‘no.’ Pay attention to how you know.  Soon the distinction will spill into your dreaming experience.  The answer will then be ‘yes,’ and you’re on your way to creating a dream experience that supports your waking goals!

For details on how to proceed, read Lucid Dreaming: A Concise Guide to Awakening in Dreams and In Your Life by Stephen LaBerge, a pioneer in the field. 

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

Deceased relatives offer role models in dreams

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve always played the role of “Peacekeeper” in our family.  It’s something I do naturally - just who I feel I am.  I am very independent and want people to like me.  I am also known for my weird dreams but last night’s is really stumping me:    

I am running around busy getting ready for a funeral of a distant relative, Aunt H. Aunt H. was my Grandmother’s Aunt who did pass last year and I did attend her funeral in my husband’s hometown.    

The funeral was once again in his hometown but instead of graveside services it was in a school gym basement and we all had to slide into it.  We had the same sweet stories from all her grandchildren and respectful mourners, but we also had all of my husband’s extended family.  There are a lot of them and a lot of current drama amongst them unlike my own peaceful family.  There was no major drama at the funeral, just some laughs about banana pudding – Aunt H’s specialty.  But I did have to constantly remind everyone to be on their best behavior and make a seating chart of sort.  

What does all this mean?

Signed,

Family Diplomat 

Dear Diplomat,  

You don’t mention it, but your dream seems to have some signs of being a recurring one.  Maybe not the exact dream, but elements of it might have repeated for you over time.  This is suggested by the role you play as peacekeeper/room monitor.  In your dream it's up to you to establish and maintain order.  Perhaps there are events in your waking life that trigger a bit of anxiety and that same need to take on the peacekeeper/monitor role, to remind all the actors to 'play nice,' and to take their assigned places.  

 

It’s important for you to be on the lookout for situations in which you recognize this feeling of not trusting others to behave well or needing to control their behavior.  Once you recognize the circumstance in waking life, you can apply your dream’s insights to your advantage.    

As you mention, peacekeeper/room monitor is a role that’s familiar and comes naturally to you.  Chances are, your family, and perhaps even your husband’s family looks to you to fulfill this needed service.  The qualities of Aunt H. whom you admire, are the qualities that will serve you best in such trying circumstances.  Her passing leaves the vacancy, and you are the likely candidate to continue her legacy.  Another important part of the reason you're elected is to be a role model for others.  

Finally Dear Dreamer, these things may be true "on the outside" when you are anticipating tricky situations with drama among family members; but your dream also points to the idea that this is something you must work on for yourself, below the surface --- the basement of a school gym, a place where things are learned and replayed.  Perfect practice makes perfect! 

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Old Soul makes tough decision

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

Right after I met my boyfriend, I was at his house and I had extreme déjà vu about a dream that I had had about a year ago.  That dream was of the exact same present moment that I was in with him!  So I had a dream about being with him before I ever met him!

Then, about a week ago I had a dream that I was in my boyfriend's room.  We were hanging out just like we normally do.  Then I noticed that in the corner of the room was an abnormally small baby that was so smiley and so happy.  We both were admiring the baby and saying how cute it was for the longest time.  He and I are like that with his kitten, playing with her and admiring her cuteness.  So that is exactly what we were doing in the dream, but with this baby instead of the kitten.  

He says he doesn't want a relationship right now because he wants to focus on himself and his path.  He told me that he did love me too, but that he sees me in the future when a better time for him comes.  About four days later I told him that I needed to cut myself out of his life because it’s too hard for me to be with him when he's not fully committing himself to me.  Since that day I have not talked to him.  Was this what the dream was trying to tell me?

Signed,

Old Soul

 

Dear Old Soul,

A man called the “Sleeping Prophet,” Edgar Cayce, said we never experience anything without dreaming of it first.  Your seemingly precognitive dream about your boyfriend would support Cayce’s theory!

In the present, you’ve taken some steps to protect yourself and your heart; and your dream suggests you’ve done the right thing, even though it is painful.

In your dream, you and your boyfriend spend time admiring a baby and saying how cute it is, just as you do in waking life with his kitten.  Generally, a baby in a dream might be seen as a metaphor for new life, or a new beginning.  In your dream though, the baby is “abnormally small” and off in a corner of the room. 

You both treat the baby the same as you do the kitten, as a cute novelty, and nothing more.  Its future is limited.  This is the hallmark of the relationship you’ve just ended:  It was appealing, even laughing and happy, but small and underdeveloped, relegated to a corner of reality and not likely to grow into anything more.

Your boyfriend has spoken plainly to you Dear Dreamer, telling you what to expect – that he will not commit to you now.  He doesn’t ask you to hang around and you are wise to go.  Your dream precedes the actions you took since you cannot be satisfied with the small role you played in his life.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Dream Advice May Not Be Good News

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I met a girl a few months ago and we fell much in love.  I believe she is my soul mate and she agrees.  But she's been stressed due to family, school finals and work related issues; so I've been giving her space, mainly because she isn't returning my phone calls until a day or two later, and texting me that she would call me and not doing it.  

Anyway, here’s the dream:

It takes place in my best friend’s neighborhood.  (He's extremely wise and the first person I talk to whenever I run into relationship issues.  He gives great advice and always seems to help me through all of my problems.  But I haven't told him about this girl because she used to be with a guy that is close friend of his.)  I’m walking down his NYC street when I spot the girl.  She looks more beautiful than I've ever seen her look before.  She's dolled up with a new hairstyle, perfect makeup job and she's glowing, although, in her right arm is a bunch of items, the one standing out the most is a cheap low quality white bubble coat so dirty it’s turning brown.

I approach her calmly and say, “Hey, come here."  She grows angry and pushes me away.  I reach out for her arm aggressively and pull her in so she can listen to me.  She yanks her arm from me.  I try again to contain her but she pushes me away again and again.  Then everything in her arms falls to the ground; I push her up against this short steel fence, wrap my arms around her and hold onto the fence so she is completely locked in facing me.  I look her in the eyes.  At this point she hugs me with such intensity and love that I begin weeping vigorously.  As she holds onto me I slowly begin to sink into her body as if she was quick sand.  I feel love and oneness with a human more powerful than anything I've ever felt in my life.  

Thanks, Peace & Love Always

Signed,

Soul Mate in Waiting 

Dear Soul Mate,

The setting of your dream holds a key to its meaning for you:  When you’re in the mindset (the neighborhood) of the person whose guidance you trust most, you get a glimpse of the advice he might offer you about this “relationship issue.”  While this girl looks beautiful, she carries the trappings of a less attractive self - the worn and soiled low quality coat.  By your own description you must hold her aggressively, pin her to a fence and force her to look at you.  Only then does she hug you, Dear Dreamer. 

As much as you long for a deep loving connection, you dream suggests this relationship is one-sided, at best.  Proceed with caution!  Forcing a feeling could lead to heartbreak.  Confide in your friend, Dear Dreamer.  He won’t steer you wrong.

Sweet Dreams to You!

If you must kill, do it in your dreams!

Dear SMYD,

Oddly I'd only commented to my wife last night that I hadn't killed anyone in my dreams for a while.   

As if a message was registered in my brain, there I was hiding under a table with a sword.

A man walks past me and I run the sword into his chest, up to the handle, protruding the blade out the back of his spine.  I watch his dying breath and remove the weapon.

Knowing there are more men on the floor above me, I put my victim into the elevator and send the body up to them as a warning along with a small monkey to operate the buttons.

As the bell pings and the doors open the others are met by a bloodied corpse with a primate sitting on him.

The last part of my dream involved me pulling up outside a shop in a VW camper van with my mum.  She stayed in the van while I played a fruit machine that was in the shop window, using hessian dollar bills as cash.

I put one in and there suddenly appeared a hand written note in my handwriting saying, 'Out of order'.  

Signed,

Oh no!  A Killer Again!

 

Dear Killer,

One of the beauties of dreams is that we know they speak in metaphors! 

You say that you haven’t killed anyone in your dreams for a while indicating that this is a recurring dream.  Or at least its theme of killing someone is.  As with many recurring dreams, the setting or even characters may change, but the essential actions repeat themselves.

One of the best ways to get insight into a recurring dream is to make a note of it when you have it.  You won't need to write it out in detail unless you want to.  Just make a note like, "dreamed of killing the man again, this time with more upstairs."

Then ~ and this is key ~ make another note of what's going on in your waking life in the days preceding the dream.  Chances are excellent that the dream recurs when certain circumstances or trains of thought are prevailing in your waking life.  For example, does it always come on high stress days?  You'll only need to make notes like this two or three times before the connection presents itself to you!

Without more conversation with you some general observations might help:  Given that you’re under a table as well as on a lower floor, consider the idea that you’re killing a subconscious pattern of thinking or habit –suggested by the monkey on the dead man’s back.  The pattern or habit is persistent; therefore you must suppress it repeatedly, in recurring dreamwork, and issue the warning that this habit must not rise to the surface. 

Hessian money (used to pay mercenaries) is “out of order” indicating you must do the work of beating a bad habit yourself Dear Dreamer!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

Try to avoid it...It appears in your dreams!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve always enjoyed my dreams and appreciated the “inside information” they’ve brought to me over my lifetime.  As I scoot past the “golden years” and into the realities of old age, my thoughts and moods linger on the joy of being alive and the beauty of life itself.  Many of my dreams seem to reflect this.  They’re lovely.

On the other side is the unavoidable anxiety of knowing the end is approaching.  I don’t dwell on this, but instead try to always look on the bright side of life. 

Anyway, I’ve been lucky - I haven’t had many nightmares, but this recent dream fits that description:

I’m in my car and I’m coming up to a stop sign.  I step on the brakes, but the car doesn’t slow down.  I press harder on the brake pedal, but no response.  The car keeps rolling forward.  It even seems to be picking up speed!  Now I’m pumping the brakes, but it’s no use!  I know I can’t stop in time.  Then, I’m in the back seat of the car.  I can’t even reach the steering wheel now and we keep rolling forward.  Then someone climbs into the backseat with me.  He’s menacing.  He has a rope or something like it twisted between his hands and he’s going to strangle me!  That’s when I woke up, thank goodness! 

Signed,

Not Fair to Get Nightmares Now!

 

Dear Not Fair,

It’s wonderful to hear of your lifelong enjoyment of your dreams.  Your experience will bear out the power of a dream’s metaphors to express complex emotions and circumstances with only a few images.

Your thoughts of what the future holds may have triggered the images of this unpleasant dream. In keeping on the bright side of things, you try to avoid thinking about the inevitable.  So, your dream plays out the feelings you suppress in your waking life. 

In your dream, you’re frantically trying to slow your forward progress.  The stop sign you’re approaching suggests a threshold you’re bound to pass.  And as you’ve said, you cannot stop advancing, no matter how hard you try!  Adding to the feeling that things are out of your control, you find yourself in the back seat, unable to steer or even reach the brake pedal.

Then, bringing overt fear, a grim reaper-like character has joined you in the back seat with only one thought in mind.  It’s an unpleasant, but straightforward scenario.

It does seem unfair that you should have to face these fears in your dreams.  To remedy this, you can bring those thoughts and concerns into the light of day.  Consider talking more openly with a trusted friend or counselor.  Your family members may be more adept at listening and understanding than you would think.   You have the capacity to deal with the coming phase of your life with dignity and grace, Dear Dreamer.   Your dreams will reflect your new approach to the future.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD