Anchors away...again!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

          I have been out of the US Navy for about 30 years.  In those days I was a Radioman, the one who sends and receives electronic messages from onboard a ship.  Back then the radioman’s job entailed typing messages on a teletype and sending them to the appropriate addresses.  This was the manual form of today's email!  My current job at the bank is equivalent - kind like an IT tech.

In the past I never dreamed of my Navy days, but now I often do.  In these dreams, I am always in my old rate of radioman and making mistakes.  I would make errors in finding the right addresses, errors in my typing, not preforming certain procedures correctly and not knowing enough about my job for my rank.

Sometimes I do all right, but most of the time I made many errors and got into trouble for it.  Some of the dreams were on ship and some in barracks on land.  There was a general feeling of loss throughout my dreams.

             Since my tenure began at the bank, I have had a feeling of returning to my past and of not growing up, as if I have not learned anything and am making the same mistakes over and over, which in some cases is true in reality.  I get into the same troubles in my dreams and in reality!  These mistakes continue to haunt me to this day!  I just don’t understand why I keep dreaming about being in the Navy!

Signed,

Onboard Ship Again

Dear Onboard,

You have done a pretty good job of making the connections between your dream and your waking reality.  The mistakes you made as a radioman seem to be the same mistakes you’re making in your current job.  You’re still getting in trouble for your errors, and you still find it frustrating as evidenced by your feeling of being haunted by the past.  You said it clearly – “I have had a feeling of returning to my past and of not growing up, as if I have not learned anything and am making the same mistakes over and over.”

The parallels between your experiences in the Navy and your current life experiences are most likely the reason your dreams are set in the Navy.  So long as the experiences replay and repeat in your waking life, your dreaming self is likely to find ways to point them out, showing that your assessment is true:  the biggest part of growing up is learning from past mistakes and leaving them behind, not repeating them! 

Even a small change can help you break the cycle of making the same errors and suffering the same consequences.  Seek the advice of a trusted co-worker or friend in developing a game plan for improvement.  Taking small step after small step can free you in your waking life and in your dreams as well!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

You're in the Big Leagues Now!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’m not a star athlete, or even a baseball player, but I’ve dreamed twice now about the famous ace pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, Tim Lincecum.  In the first dream, I’m walking into a big league ball park for a workout and Lincecum falls in beside me.  We toss a baseball back and forth between us, and then we start jogging along together.  Tim has a big smile on his face; it’s a sunny day, and I feel great to be there with him even though it’s so incredible I can hardly believe it’s true.  Some scouts on the sidelines seem to be impressed with me, probably because I’m there with Tim.

In the second dream I’m with Tim Lincecum again.  In this dream, I am in a gym or workout area and Timmy is there.  I was just a custodian, or other low-ranking employee.  He seems surprised to see me.  I think I interrupted his thoughts or his workout routine.  Though he’s startled at first, he engages me.  He seems to do this out of duty or obligation at first, but even though the relationship is odd or awkward, we soon start having fun with the workout.

Signed,

Star-Struck Baseball Fan

Dear Star-Struck,

You don’t mention what’s going on in your waking life, but your dreams offer some insights.  The suggestion in both cases is that somehow, you’re getting ready for the “big leagues” in your chosen endeavors.  You’ve been putting in the work as demonstrated when you find yourself entering into a big league stadium to work out on your own; then a major league player, one you hold in high esteem, falls into step with you, and tosses the ball with you as an equal.  He jogs with you, smiling and relaxed with you at his side.  He accepts your presence as natural and so should you!  The scouts are impressed by your appearance there, even if you still can’t quite believe it.  You are coming into the major leagues. 

Your second dream seems to reaffirm the notion.  While you may think of yourself as a low-ranking employee, not in the same league as those around you; the circumstances may feel surprising, odd, or awkward, but go ahead and get used to it.  You’re working out like a big leaguer, and you’re accepted into the realm of high performers! 

In your dreams, it felt great for you to be there, and after an initial phase of incredulity or awkwardness, you fit right in.  Your next step in your waking life is to get comfortable in your new surroundings and do what you’ve prepared yourself to do.  You may set aside your lack of confidence and consider yourself to be where you belong - in the big leagues.  Your dreams show that you have the work ethic, the skill, and the talent, just like star pitcher Tim Lincecum.  You deserve to play in that arena.

Congratulations!  You’ve earned the elevated status you’re about to enjoy!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

We Naturally Incubate Dreams

Dearest Dreamers,

You’ve read here before about incubating dreams, a process by which a dreamer works with his or her dreams to solve problems or gain insight into puzzling circumstances.

Gayle Delaney’s pragmatic handbook, Living Your Dreams details the process.  Here is a streamlined version:

·         No alcohol or drugs on incubation night.

·         Make notes about your day, including thoughts and feelings.

·         Write details of the problem.

·         Write a concise question about the problem.

·         Concentrate on the problem and question as you fall asleep.

·         Then record your dream(s) when you wake.  This comprises the stuff of your solution, even if you don’t recognize it at first. 

What’s wonderful is that this is how our dreams routinely work!

Case in point:

Recently I went to bed worried about our funny little kitten, Uma, who left the house two days before and didn’t return.  She followed her nose like a puppy, not paying attention to her surroundings.  Far away and disoriented, she couldn’t find her way back.

I didn’t think of incubation that night, but there’s no question I hashed through the events of the day including the fears I felt when our efforts to find Uma failed.

The problem was clear and simple – I feared for my little cat who was lost in the big world. 

The question wrote itself:  Where is Uma?  I didn’t have to tell myself to concentrate on this!  It was all that was on my mind! 

I slept soundly until 3am, when I woke with the following dream:

I could see myself from the back peering through the slats of a redwood fence.  I stood on tiptoes trying to see over the top, and went to the corners hoping to see into the yard it enclosed.

This dream was in my mind as I walked our neighborhood the next morning looking for Uma and that fence.  I saw many redwood fences, but none with the clean new look of the one in my dream.  I pressed on, farther afield than my previous searches.

Then I saw it.  At the top of a steep driveway, a fresh-looking redwood fence formed the gate to the back of the home above.  I went to the gate and peered through it from every angle.  No one was home.  I called Uma’s name.  No sign of her.

I left feeling sad, and returned twice more, repeating the actions I saw in the dream.  No Uma.

At last, I had to accept we might never find Uma.  Dejected, I went home to find a message on my voicemail.  When I called, the woman said she’d found a little cat in her yard with a tag reading “Uma,” along with our phone number.  Would I come and get her?

Perhaps by now you’ve guessed it ~ she lived at the crest of that hill, just across from the house with the redwood fence.

Though he didn’t remember the details, my husband also dreamed of finding Uma that night.  

Interesting, yes?  If you've had a similar experience with a dream, I'd love to hear about it! 

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

Why's That Bear in My Dream?

Dearest Dreamers,

Our dreams use the beautiful language of metaphor when speaking to us. 

As you may recall, metaphors explain one thing by saying it is another thing with revealing traits.  “My boss is a bear,” for example.  My boss (one thing needing explanation or clarification) is a bear (the explanatory thing with revealing traits).

Once this metaphor is spoken, seen, and understood, no further explanation is needed.  Everyone gets it.  Steer clear of the boss ~ he’s a bear!

Applying this concept to understanding the metaphorical images of your dreams goes like this:  My state of mind is the house where I live.  Then, if your dream has you living in a house with all lights out and doors locked, you might consider your state of mind to be closed.  Maybe you’re can’t or don’t see any rays of hope (the lights are out).  Maybe you’re not open to visits from alternative points of view (the doors are locked). 

Say you dream there are strangers living in your house.  Again, you could explore the idea that the house in the dream is a metaphor for the state of mind where you “live.”  Who might the strangers be?  Do they make you feel uncomfortable in your dream?  Or are they foreign, but pleasing?  Your emotional reactions to the images in your dreams provide critical information that will help sort out the meaning for you.

Be careful, though, of a cookie cutter approach to dream symbols.  There is no hard rule saying “A house in a dream always means your state of mind.”  A house may be a metaphor for something entirely different if you’re a housing contractor, or a real estate agent.  Metaphors are built on the circumstances of a dreamer’s waking life and associations.

Another example:  A good starting place for the image of hair in a dream may be to equate hair to thoughts ~ those things emanating from one’s head.  So a funky hairdo, weird colored hair, or a disheveled appearance might connote quirky, odd, or disorderly patterns of thinking.  But the same caveat applies:  A hair stylist might not make the same associations to hair in his dreams as those of us who just wash it and wear it.  Look to the context of the dream, its attendant emotions, and the circumstances of the dreamer’s waking life to lead to a true understanding of the dream.

A baby in your dream may signify a new beginning or creativity depending on your waking circumstances and the context of the dream.  But it could also point to infantile behavior, lack of experience, or naiveté! 

Best not to piecemeal images and patchwork them back together in your efforts to understand the language of your nighttime cinema.  Better to take the gestalt:  Your waking life circumstances, the context of your dream’s images, and its emotional effect all work together to deliver powerful insights from the rich resource of your dreams.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Are You Flying in Your Dreams?

Dearest Dreamers,

If you take the time to understand them, you can’t help benefitting from the insights your dreams offer you.  So closely tied to our waking lives, and operating from a perspective neutral to our daily turmoil, dreams provide insights into our personalities and the paths we travel through life.  If we learn the beautiful, metaphorical language of dreams, we soon know ourselves and are more able to be true to ourselves.  Here is a case in point:

You may recognize the name of Amy Tan, an Oakland native, and bestselling author of The Joy Luck Club and The Kitchen God’s Wife.

In an interview published in Writers Dreaming by Naomi Epel, Ms. Tan speaks about the value of her dreams in her life:

“Fifteen years ago I realized how important dreams were in my life.  They weren’t just flotsam and jetsam, I could actually change the way that I felt about myself through dreams.”  She goes on to relate that her most significant dreams came to her shortly after her friend Pete died.  She tells of a vivid and emotional dream experience:

“One night I entered into a dream and Pete was there.  He said, ‘I want to take you to this place where I live…’  It was a wonderful idyllic setting with a lot of creatures flying around:  elephants, camels, people.  I said, ‘I’d like to try flying myself.’

“Pete said, ‘Sure, but since you’re not dead, you have to go over to that booth there and rent some wings.  They’re only a quarter.’

“I went and rented the wings.  I took off, and I was flying around with all the other people, having a wonderful time.  All of a sudden, I realized, ‘This is ridiculous.  How can I fly with these twenty-five-cent wings?’ 

“Immediately I started to fall.  I was terrified I was going to die.  Then I thought, ‘Wait a minute, I was just flying a minute ago,’ and I started flying again.  I went back and forth with this – falling and flying, falling and flying – until it finally dawned on me what this was about.  I said to myself:  ‘It is not these wings that enable you to fly, it’s your own confidence.’”

Ms. Tan then shared the epiphany her dream brought to her:  “I realized there were many things in my life that I was not allowing myself to do because I lacked the confidence.  I needed the props.  I could see all the props I’d been using, and they were just like those twenty-five-cent wings.  I could see how ridiculous it was.

“Even though it was a dream, I felt it on a gut level of experience – the fear of failing, falling, and the elation of flying…Without the dream, it probably would have taken me much longer to come to such a simple realization about myself.”

Don’t discount the power of your dreams to be transformative in your life!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamers!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Weeping When I Woke

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I need help about a dream.  First you should know I live alone and normally have an active lifestyle.  But I have had an illness and an injury keep me on the sidelines lately.  Having to sit at home got me into a “down” state of mind.  It’s been hard for me to force myself up and out again after this setback even though I’m back to normal physically.

Last night I dreamed about a group of small children, 8 or 9 years old.  One boy broke loose from the group, ran to me and gave me a hug.  I could see him so clearly.  He had red hair and wore a pale blue sweater.  It was my son Don who died 10 years ago.  I could actually feel that hug!  That’s all there is to the dream, but I woke up crying and I’m still feeling very weepy.  I know this dream was a message from my son!  My first thought was he wanted me to know he loved me, and I should take better care of myself and be happy.  

Maybe you can give me some insight into the meaning of this dream that left me feeling so emotional when I woke up from it.

Signed,

Weeping When I Woke

Dear Weeping,

I’m so sorry you lost your son.  It’s easy to understand why his appearance in your dream brought such profound emotions.

There are two approaches to your dream.  First is the one you’ve already taken when you say, “I know this dream was a message from my son!  My first thought was he wanted me to know he loved me, and I should take better care of myself and be happy.”  For those of us who believe that our loved ones can communicate with us through the collective unconscious of our dreams, this is the simplest and most logical explanation.  Trust your instincts and accept the powerful message this interaction brings to you!  How wonderful to be hugged again, and to receive your son’s encouragement.

For those who find that literal approach too far-fetched to accept, there is another way to look at your dream:  Your son would be a metaphor for that part of yourself that has been active and healthy and happy, almost like an 8-year-old boy!  He embraces you in your dream, leaving you with a clear feeling of love and encouragement.  His state of mind is apparent in your reflections about yourself:  You know you’ve been down and need to get up again, just as he urges you to do.  Your dreaming self dips into your reflections and memories of your beloved son, an active and happy boy, and brings them to your consciousness, reminding you how important it is to be as he remembers you – active, happy, and healthy.  

The message is clear either way you look at it:  Take care of yourself!  Be happy!  There’s a lot to live for and enjoy!      

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Childhood Nightmare: Chased by a Lion!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I recently came across your column and really liked your dream interpretations.  I have a recurring dream from childhood that I’ve always wondered about.

I had this dream over and over again as a child.  So much so that I was afraid to go to bed!  In it, I am alone on a heavily-jungled island being chased by a lion.  The lion is right behind me and I am running as fast as I can and I am terrified!  Just before he gets me I scramble up a palm tree to safety.  But suddenly I am naked and everyone I know is standing at the bottom of the tree and laughing at me.    

FYI - as a child I had a bully of a brother who tormented and humiliated me.

Signed,

Never Forgot

Dear Never Forgot,

Thank you so much for your kind words.  My goal is to be helpful, always.

Your childhood dream is a dramatic version of a type of recurring dream common to children:  being chased and threatened by a monster.  Children seem to know inherently that they are dependent upon those who are larger and stronger.  This in itself can hold an element of fear.  Being beholden to those who could harm you if they chose to doesn't lend itself to comfort!

World-renowned authority on sleep and dreaming Ernest Hartmann, M.D., puts it this way:

“…Every…child who is just developing the cognitive structure to realize…who’s safe and who’s unsafe or unpredictable, and to realize how relatively powerful all adults are, is bound to have some of this sense of vulnerability…Nightmares of being chased or attacked by monsters or strange animals are extremely common among the dreams of children.”

Your dream incorporates the added element of your daytime reality with a brutal brother!  So sorry you had to endure that! 

The fact that in your dream you are alone on an island intensifies your anxiety and sense of isolation.  Maybe in waking life you didn’t feel like you could tell your parents about your predicament for fear of their reaction.  Did they dismiss your nightmares or laugh at the images?  Your dream speaks to this by showing that even though you were able to escape to safety each time in the dream, all your fears and frailties are made known to others, exposed by your nakedness in the dream.  And they didn’t come to your assistance!  It just makes it doubly distressing and hurtful, doesn't it?  Children and adults prefer to suffer their insecurities in private.

What a powerful and fearsome set of images - still alive so many years later!  I'm sure you're glad to leave that dream behind! 

Such experiences are important to note for your own children now who may naturally experience similar fears.  Listen to the little ones, Dear Dreamer.  Their dreams are real to them.  Better to train them and rehearse with them how to deal with such fears, real or imagined. 

Do you remember your childhood nightmares?  Have you helped your own child after s/he had a scary dream?  I'd love to hear from you!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com