Flaky dream points to important thoughts

Sometimes our dreams shock us into awareness of something we would rather not face.  Today’s dream offers an excellent example of what happens when we ignore our nagging thoughts:

Dear SMYD,

My husband and I are practically newlyweds, only married 14 months.  But I’ve already noticed a lag in our romantic life!  I expected that things would change as we got older, but we’ve slowed down a lot, and much sooner than I thought we would.  There seems to be that sexual tension between us, but we don’t act on it, maybe because we both work hard and are just plain tired.  I love him completely and would never do anything to harm our marriage, and so it really bothers me when I realize that I’m having “stray” thoughts at work when an attractive man comes in the room!

Now I’ve had this dream:  All through the dream I have big flakes of dandruff itching on my scalp and coming loose, falling all around.  I don’t want them to show, but they do, so I have to keep brushing them off.  While this is happening, I find myself in bed with a very young guy!  Completely inappropriate as far as I’m concerned!  Then, I was in a different setting and I was attracted to a woman!  I am totally straight, but in the dream, it looked like something might happen between this woman and me!

OMG!  What do you suppose all this means?

Signed,

Shocked by My Own Behavior

 

Dear Shocked,

Frequently, dreams of our heads, our hair, or perhaps even our scalp, will point to changes in our thoughts, or our patterns of thinking that call for attention.  Your dream has you constantly brushing away the evidence of pesky, unwanted thoughts.  No matter how many times you brush the flakes away, they return as a reminder of your underlying state of mind.

In your dream your attraction to a younger man might be reflective of your desire for a younger, more vibrant love life – with your husband!  You say quite plainly that he’s the man of your dreams, but the two of you are behaving like a much older couple.  And your attraction to a woman in your dream, something you designate adamantly as forbidden, again speaks to that part of your mind that wanders, fantasizing about the excitement of a sexual encounter instead of the unresolved tension in your marriage. 

Just like brushing away the flakes does not treat the dandruff, pushing aside the changein your intimate relationship with your husband will not help thesituation.  You’ve got to have ‘the talk,’ Dear Dreamer.   Otherwise, the problem simply persists and your uncomfortable thoughts will continue to trouble you, at the very least!  Your relationship is founded on commitment and love, so who better to talk to than the man in question?  Chances are excellent that he will be relieved when you open the conversation.  Or of course, you could follow the advice in that ad and “Just do it!”

Sweet Dreams to You!

Cross the threshold to your new life!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve been widowed a number of years now.  I had a wonderful marriage and I’ve missed my husband so much.  At the same time, I’ve continued an active and stimulating life alone.  Recently, for the first time, I found myself very attracted to a ruggedly handsome man I met in professional setting.  Then I had this dream!

I don’t remember all the details, but here goes: I was in an office with a young woman.  I can't describe her.  I just get the feeling she was younger than me and we needed to go somewhere.  A man (can't describe him either!) offered to give us a ride in a Jeep.

We drove a very short distance and came to a very wide creek.  There was frozen ice on top of the creek, and there was snow on top of the ice.  I was apprehensive and said that we couldn't go this way.  But the man said we would drive into the creek and go under the ice and come out on the other side!

Then he drove the Jeep into the creek and we became stuck under the ice.  The man died.  The next thing I remember I was out of the jeep and in the water.  My face felt cold and I could feel the ice over my head.  I felt trapped under the ice and I couldn't get out.  Finally at the bank, I managed to work my fingers through the ice where it was thinner.  I banged it with my hand and it gave way.  The young woman and I managed to break through the ice with our bodies and emerge from the creek.

That is my scary dream!  What do you think of it?

Signed,

Still Alive

 

Dear Alive,

You mention an interest sparked and a stirring of feelings that have been “on ice” since your husband’s passing.

Your dream suggests you're approaching a threshold in this regard, depicted by that icy creek.  You’ve kept your emotions in check, and perhaps now feel trapped by the cool exterior you’ve practiced for so long.  In your dream you said, “We needed to go somewhere,” suggesting you need to cross this barrier to reactivate that dormant part of your life.  The transition requires that you take up a younger state of mind represented by the young woman traveling with you.  

On first consideration, you don't think it's possible or likely that you'll be successful making the transition through the icy waters.  In spite of your hesitance, the man in the Jeep, a rugged and sporty vehicle (perhaps your attractive new acquaintance), says, in effect, “We’ll just take the plunge.”  His strategy did not pay off for him!  And it's a scary struggle for you to make the crossing.  But take heart, Dear Dreamer!  You break through the ice and come out on the other side with that younger woman and state of mind.

Best Wishes and Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Do you deserve a mansion?

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

This is a unique situation, at least in my mind.  I’ve only known this girl over Xbox, Facebook, and the constant texting we do.  Even though I've never met her I know a lot about her.  Because of the media through which we communicate we're able to open up and be real with each other.  I really care about her.  She isn't rich, but there's no doubt in my mind that she will be.  She's nothing short of a genius.

The dream starts with us driving in my beat-up, old car.  I'm just glad she's there with me.  She seems to be happy as well.  

I feel intimidated when we pull up to a tall metal gate.  It opens and we proceed up this very long driveway.  I don't feel nervous until I notice how long the driveway is.  We pull up to an extravagant house.  When I see the house, my jaw drops a little.  My house is nice but it's nothing compared to hers.  She gets out and says, "We're home." 

I get out and walk to the door, but when I turn around my car is gone.  I walk through the large doors of her house and her family is standing in the foyer.  Everyone is dressed elegantly except me.  It was as if they were part of a sailing club.  But I'm wearing my normal street clothes, a jacket with a t-shirt, skinny jeans, and a pair of skate shoes.  Nobody mentions it though.   

Everyone is very welcoming and friendly, until we go into the living room that is.  I've never seen her family, but the one I recognize her mother to be asked me to leave.  She said it kindly, "Could you please leave," not smiling but very politely, with a friendly sort of voice.

 

I wasn't surprised, I was expecting it.  My friend didn't say or do anything other than look at me.  She didn't seem displeased, but neither was I.  And then I woke up. 

I'd really like to hear what you think about this dream.  

Signed, 

Visitor to a Mansion

Dear Visitor,

Our dreams most often provide perspective on our circumstances, offering opportunities for insight and problem solving.  Less often, they focus outwardly on people we know, situations and the world around us.  These outward-facing dreams can give us a clear perspective of an objective nature; sometimes they simply show us how we perceive other people and situations.

In either case, your dream has you expecting to be dismissed, asked to leave, by polite people with whom you think you don’t fit.  Perhaps that’s a mindset you’ll want to explore in your waking life.  Give yourself permission to belong in a setting indicative of high-level success. 

Why not, Dear Dreamer?  You’re comfortable being with the girl whom you believe is a genius.  You expect her to be rich someday - why exclude yourself?  After all, she doesn’t say, “I’m home,” does she?

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Dream's firey dragon could be dangerous

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I had a dream every day for about a month when I was about sixteen.  It starts out I am a little boy with these old fashioned tan shorts, suspenders, a paper boy’s hat, long sleeved white shirt, long knee high socks and old leather shoes.  (I have never dressed this way.  I am only forty-one years old; this was the kind of dress that would be in the twenties or thirties.) 

Anyway, I am rolling a whiskey barrel ring with a stick down a pebble-layered road.  The road seems to be in a foreign place like England or something like that.  I never played that kind of game before either.

Then I trip and fall at the edge of a well.  I seem to be all right, not hurt.  I land at the feet of a properly dressed man with a cane.  As I start to look up to see the man I can see up to his neck.  I seem to be a little scared of the man, but he had a hand stretched out to help me up.  That’s how I saw his ring.  He had a gold dragon ring with a ruby in the mouth of the dragon.  I’ve never seen a ring like it before.  I then wake up.

What does this dream mean?

Signed,

Never Forgot this Dream

 

Dear Never Forgot,

Your dream can be understood from a couple of different standpoints.  Consider both as they both offer benefits in your waking life:

First, your dream has the hallmarks of a past life experience:  In the dream, you are yourself, but much younger, a “little boy,” not the sixteen-year-old who dreamed the dream.  You’re not dressed as you dress in waking life; in fact, your clothes are indicative of another era.  You are in an area that’s unfamiliar to you, and engaged in unusual activities.  Even the road you’re on has the look and feel of another time and place.  Finally, the man who stands above you presents a formality that is uncommon today.  His dragon ring appears dramatic and frightening to a shocked and surprised little boy.

For those who subscribe to the possibility of past lives or a collective unconscious, such dreams can be considered a window into those other worlds.  Be sure though, that the value of such visits would be in the legacy they provide for your waking life today. 

This dream suggests that, at least when you dreamed it at 16, you might have been oblivious to dangers around you and fearful of a benefactor, perhaps appropriately. 

Could there be parallels in your waking life today, Dear Dreamer?  Since this dream continues to echo in your consciousness, it seems possible.  Don’t skip along naively unaware of your surroundings.  Survey your circumstances with a mature and experienced eye.  Accept the help offered to you, but cautiously.  Don’t be caught off guard when there are strings attached lest you  get burned by that fire-breathing dragon.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Beware the Fire Breathing Dragon

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I had a dream every day for about a month when I was about sixteen.  It starts out I am a little boy with these oldfashioned tan shorts, suspenders, a paper boys hat, long sleeved white shirt,long knee high socks and old leather shoes.  (I have never dressed this way.  I am only forty-one years old, this was the kind of dress that would be in the twenties or thirties.) 

Anyway, I am rolling a whiskey barrel ring with a stick down a pebble-layered road.  The road seems to be in a foreign place like England or something like that.  I never played that kind of game before either.

Then I trip and fall at the edge of a well.  I seem to be alright, not hurt.  I land at the feet of a properly dressed man with a cane.  As I start to look up to see the man I get as far as to his neck.  I seem to be a little scared of the man, but he had a hand stretched out to help me up.  That’s how I saw his ring.  He had a gold dragon ring with a ruby in the mouth of the dragon.  I’ve never seen a ring like it before.  I then wake up.

What does this dream mean?

Signed,

Never Forgot this Dream

 

Dear Never Forgot,

Your dream can be understood from a couple of different standpoints.  Consider both as they both offer benefits in your waking life:

First, your dream has the hallmarks of a past life experience:  In the dream, you are yourself, but much younger, a “little boy,” not the sixteen-year-old who dreamed the dream.  You’re not dressed like you dress in waking life, or in an area that’s familiar to you.  Nor are you engaged in activities that you know.  In fact, your clothes are indicative of another era.  The game you’re playing is as well.  Even the road you’re on has the look and feel of another time and place.  Finally, the man who stands above you presents a formality that is uncommon today.  His dragon ring appears dramatic and frightening to a shocked and surprised little boy.

For those who subscribe to the possibility of reincarnation, such dreams can be considered a window into their past.  Be sure though, that the value of a past life would be in the legacy it provides for your waking life today. 

This dream suggests that, at least when you dreamed it at 16, you might have been oblivious to dangers around you and fearful of a benefactor, perhaps appropriately. 

Could there be parallels in your waking life today, Dear Dreamer?  Since this dream continues to echo in your consciousness, it seems possible.  Don’t skip along naively unaware of your surroundings.  Survey your circumstances with a mature and experienced eye.  Accept the help offered to you, but cautiously.  Don’t be caught off guard when there are strings attached and get burned by that fire-breathing dragon.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Give dead dad a second chance

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My dad passed away in 1995, just after his 48th birthday.  He was an absent parent, alcoholic, and a pathological liar.  But in spite of all that, everyone liked him and thought he was nice!  I think he had a depression problem, but that was not really something that was discussed freely at the time.  He was very talented:  He flew airplanes; he could draw, write and play the guitar.  However, as far as being a father goes, he was not a role model, that is for sure!  If he taught me anything, it was that I did not want to be like him.  He was more of a negative in my life.  I believe he loved me the best he could and I accepted that.  I think it baffled him though.  Obviously, we were not close, and he had no real effect of on my life.  So I’m completely unclear as to why he appeared in my dream.

In this dream, I am walking around a place like Fisherman’s Wharf.  It is not Fisherman’s Wharf but it is crowded and narrow like FW with outside vendors.  I am with my dad.  He wants to introduce me to all my dead relatives.  I don’t want to and he says, “Can’t you ever do what you are asked?”  I go to where there are a lot of people.  But then the dream ends!

Can you help me understand this?

Signed,

What’s HE doing in my dream?

 

Dear What’s,

Methinks thou dost protest too much!  You spend a lot of time explaining that your father was not an influence on you, but your dream suggests, at the very least, that he could be.  Of course, this would require a look back from your adult perspective and a healthy dose of forgiveness.

Beginning with the setting, you find yourself walking with your father in a place like Fisherman’s Wharf, lively and colorful, with vendors set up to sell.  As you know, fishermen pull treasures up from the depths, and your dream puts you in just the place where you might ‘catch’ a prize from a re-exploration of your relationship with your father.  Like the vendors, perhaps he’s trying to sell you idea about yourself:  a connection to your past, those dead relatives he wants you to meet.  He’s frustrated when you don’t want to follow his directions, or be like him.  Could you use one of his positive qualities in your waking life, Dear Dreamer?

You have the option of tapping into the constructive qualities and aptitudes that your dad displayed.  In your dream, he tries to introduce them to you – your dead relatives - those things dormant in you that stem from your heritage.  You may have learned that you don’t want to take on his negative qualities, the depression, the alcoholism, the mendacity.  But what about the charisma and talents that he also embodied?  Your dream suggests you have them too, if you’ll only stop resisting.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Dream cautions against wishful thinking

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My current boyfriend is the youngest of the three children.  He had two sisters that passed away.  I never met them and only know their names, what caused their deaths and that they passed rather young.  He was close to the middle one and she was 10 years older than he was, but not close at all to the one who is in this dream.  

In my dream I am with my ex-husband.  He was the guy I married, not the guy he was by the time we divorced.  (What I mean by that is he changed so much that he was not the same person I fell in love with or married).  I guess that I might have had thoughts of getting back together with him.  We are talking and he tells me that his addiction is not gone.  We are walking around a city that I don’t recognize and we decide to get something to eat. 

While we are walking to a table he tells me that a woman in the restaurant is my current boyfriend’s sister, who died a long time ago.  I have never met her and I ask him how he knows her.  He says he just knows.  I decide to go to the bathroom so I can walk past her table.  I don’t see her at first; then I see her and ask her if she is my boyfriend’s sister.  She says yes.  I ask her if my boyfriend knows that she is here and she says, “Noooo!”  They are not close.  She tells me I must know something about him and that it is important.  She tells me, but when I wake up, I don’t remember what it was!

I felt anxious because I could not remember what she told me and I felt it was something I should know about him, maybe to understand him better or explain something about him.  I felt sad because the ex in my dream was the person I married.  I realized how much I miss that person.

Please help with this dream! 

Signed,

Nostalgic for my Ex 

Dear Nostalgic,

Your dream reflects your wistful state of mind, and that you may be comparing your current boyfriend to your ex-husband.  Perhaps in your longing, you over-romanticize the early days of your marriage.

Your ex-husband brings you to your boyfriend’s sister saying he “just knows” her.  In turn, she suggests there may be something about your current boyfriend that is similar to your ex-husband.  This is something you "must know," since you know them both.  But it may be something about them both that you're not recognizing or not acknowledging.

It could be something that you don't want to recognize - something bad or unappealing - an addiction, for example.

Or it could be something about your current boyfriend that's like the man you married (not the one you divorced).  Search your heart, Dear Dreamer!  The answer is within.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD