War Zone in Mom's Back Yard

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,  

Having my mother and a war in the same dream doesn't surprise me.  My mom can be difficult!  But I am peace-loving woman who does not watch violent television or films.  I even turn away from commercials with violence.   

I dreamed about going to visit my mother's home.  My mother did not tell me that some important people would be visiting.  Guests showed up without notice. 

In the dream I took the dog for a walk in the backyard.  The entire yard had become a violent battlefield.  One man's head had been cut off.  Someone I know stood up to her ankles in earth-orange mud and was beating up another man.  

Why would I have such a violent dream as this one? 

Signed,

Startled by the War Zone 

Dear Startled,

Sometimes our Dreaming Selves choose bizarre or violent images to shake us up and get our attention, especially if there’s an issue we’re avoiding.  Since your dream has these characteristics, I suspect you avoid confronting the key issues with your mother.

In your dream, you go to visit your mother whom you say can be difficult.  In spite of this, you don’t expect the “important people” who show up.  These people could represent the important issues that have been unaddressed in your relationship.  You didn’t expect to have to deal with the important issues between your mom and yourself.  So you avoid them by taking the dog for a walk outside instead of staying in the house with them and your mom. 

Perhaps you’re accustomed to faking it in the living room, avoiding the unpleasantness in public.  But the back yard tells the real story:  Behind the scenes, it’s a war zone!  Because it’s your mom’s back yard, the implication is that these people represent issues in her/your history (behind her house) that are out of sight, but still influential.

It is important to think more about the man whose head was cut off.  Who is he?  Who does he remind you of?  As soon as you figure out who he is, you’ll be able to identify the issue he stands for.  Without his head, he has no direction, no ability to think or speak.  What he would say may be so painful that your mom (and maybe you, too) chose to cut him off before he speaks.

Who is that woman wading in the blood, er mud?  You say it’s someone you know.  Explain her to me ~ what is she like?  Does she listen to others and argue with reason and logic?  Or does she fight dirty?  How about you and your mom…do you fight fair? 

The man this woman is beating ~ does he deserve to be beaten?  Does he fight back?  Why is he losing the battle?

These are tough questions, Dear Dreamer.  The key to understanding this dream, your mom, and your difficult relationship with her lies in teasing out the metaphors in that back yard battle.

Sweeter Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

Crocodile Wrestling

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I haven’t had a dream in many, many years, so it was a surprise to me when I woke up with such a vivid dream after such a long time!

Here it is:  I dreamed there were two horses in a pen with a tiny pond containing an old crocodile.  The horses were reddish with black tails.  They stood a “safe distance” from the crocodile.  The croc was old and supposedly not any danger to the horses.  But he began inching on his belly toward the horses and I jumped in to stop the crocodile.  I grabbed him and held his mouth shut just like those guys on TV.  He started rolling over and over and fighting me.  Then I woke up feeling scared and anxious.  What does this mean to you?

Signed,

Crocodile Wrestler!

Dear Wrestler,

First let me tell you that research indicates that we all dream every night!  Most likely you’ve been dreaming, but haven’t remembered your dreams.  Too bad!  Looks like you have some good ones!

Consider keeping a notepad and pencil next to your bed.  First thing when you wake up, jot down even the smallest fragment or tiniest detail from a fleeting dream.  Your Dreaming Self will take note of your interest and offer you more and more tantalizing morsels of dreams to enrich your waking life.

Your dream could be offering plays on words as a method of delivering insights.  For example:  The horses (perhaps representing a relationship of some sort ~ they seem to be a matched pair) are in a pen, penned in.  Maybe a couple you know is penned in with “an old croc.”  This is a family newspaper, so I’ll just refer to an expression you may know:  a crock of “stuff,” suggesting something worthless, or lacking credibility. 

To carry out the metaphor, something worthless or lacking credibility threatens a healthy relationship.  The pair is penned in by this; it seems they’re unable to move away from it or leave their containment.  Though they think they’re unaffected by him, keeping a safe distance, you know the situation is dangerous.  The croc looks to injure or sabotage their healthy relationship.

You jump in to stop the croc.  He’s a “big croc (fish) in a tiny pond,” and perhaps because of this, his power is great.  They have no escape from him or the pen. 

You are the protector, trying to stem the influence of the croc, and wind up in danger yourself.  You try to shut him up, keeping his mouth closed, but your dream suggests he is a formidable foe.  He thrashes and fights you.  He may be stronger than you are.

Examine your own relationships, Dear Dreamer.  Do you find yourself hemmed in by a tenacious, negative force?  Does this force have more influence that it deserves?  It may be time to find a gate in that fence and escape to greener pastures.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

Dreams: Body & Mind

Dearest Dreamers,

Ernest Hartmann, M.D., world-renowned authority on sleep and dreams, writes about the physiological, psychological, and emotional links in dreams.  In his book, Dreams and Nightmares, Hartmann devotes a large portion of his discussion to the metaphors used by dreams to help dreamers integrate their feelings of fear, or anticipation, even dread, for a healthier approach to life’s problems.  

Hartmann’s analysis of the state of mind and dreams of those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder makes fascinating reading.  He also offers several examples of dreams found to help clarify emotions that may be less dramatic than those accompanying PTSD, but that nevertheless could be, without discussion and understanding, debilitating to the dreamer.

One example comes from Al, a retired veteran, hospitalized because of a vascular blockage requiring surgery to remove the femoral aneurism causing the problem.  Al “created the impression of being tough…and having little room in his life for fear or weakness.”  He “continually emphasized that the anticipated surgery did not make him worried, fearful, or anxious in any way.”

His dreams however, clearly pictured his concerns:

First ~

My daughter and I [were] talking about a quarter of beef…We were talking about cutting it up…to preserve it…we were…more or less arguing about how the meat was gonna be cut.  Then it turned into a surgical [setting]…it turned into an operation….

Then ~

[We were] working on a stove…We had it all apart to clean…We kinda hammered that hole and…I don’t know what the heck we [were] going to do with it.

And finally ~

We [were] looking at this engine…It was a complicated thing.  We got down there and [were] digging things out of the pipes…They hadn’t used it for years and naturally sand and dust had [gotten] into the pipes and it was all rusty.

Hartmann concludes that these dreams about cutting up beef , about stoves and engines needing fixing, all preceding Al’s surgery, reflect his emotional concern with having a defect in his body, if and how it can be repaired, and if he will be further injured or disabled from the surgery.

Al’s worries represent normal human concerns anyone might expect when facing major surgery.  Most of us agree that we are better able to deal with our fears when we acknowledge them and confront them.  Al’s dreams provide him with a context for discussion with his family and even his surgeons.  Sharing the dream’s story might be an easier opening for Al than saying plainly, “I’m afraid.”

Hartmann goes on to cite examples from research showing how dreams alerted dreamers to the presence of a physical anomaly or early symptom of illness that may have gone unnoticed in waking life.

So I always say, Dear Dreamer, if you dream of having a tire blowout while driving on the freeway, it’s a good idea to consider the literal and check your tires.  You might also play out the metaphorical – your Dreaming Self could be using your car as a representation of your body.  Get a physical checkup from your doctor.  Then of course, we can also talk about how life in the fast lane may be creating enough stress for you to “blow.”

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Not Ready for the Rocking Chair

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I work in a bustling atmosphere surrounded by young people.  We have a problem-solving attitude and thrive on teamwork.  I love my job and get a lot of satisfaction from the work.  I’m paid well too.  So I woke from this dream pretty upset:

I dreamed of a typical workday, fast-paced with multiple priorities.  I stood near my boss at work.  Another young man, Steve, stood with us, arm-in-arm with me.  Someone said to my boss, “When are you going to fire Steve?”  I was surprised at the question because Steve is a good worker.  He never misses a day of work.  He is a self-starter, and he’s smart and dependable. 

But then, I felt totally shocked when my boss answered, “When he’s 55!”  Well, not only is Steve 55, I am 55!  I’m not ready to quit, retire, or be fired!  Why should I be?  I’m at the peak of my game and love to go to work every day.

Is this dream trying to tell me something I don’t know?

Signed,

Not Ready for the Rocking Chair 

Dear Not Ready,

Dreams of work offer a fertile ground for professional as well as personal insights.  Your workplace dream seems to be speaking to some thoughts or worries you have about your viability at work and the time you have remaining there.

Steve’s about as close to you as he can be.  It’s logical that you not only share the same age, you think of yourself as the type of worker he is in your dream.  He stands for you.

It’s perfect that you describe Steve as a young man with all the desirable qualities of a perfect employee.  This is how you see yourself.  But, at 55, Steve may not meet the standard for truly “young” anymore for most folks.  In fact, he’s past middle age unless the average life expectancy has risen to 110!  Still, in current times, 55 is far from finished in terms of vitality and contributions on the job.  Your dream suggests a thread of self-doubt has crept into your thinking.  You have to do a double take to consider this alternate point of view.

Your Dreaming Self seems to defend your waking self against the suggestion that it’s time for you to step down from working when you are clearly not ready to do so. 

Now, where did that suggestion come from?  Is your company offering an early retirement package?  Are they looking to thin the ranks in tough economic times?  Is your spouse urging you to step down and spend more time at home?  Or perhaps you have simply come to doubt yourself or feel insecure at work.

You mention that you are surrounded by young people at work.  Now is the time to capitalize on your experience and wisdom.  Conversely, don’t shy away from learning new things and staying on top of advances in your field.

Don’t try too hard, Dear Dreamer!  Never let ‘em see you sweat!

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

A Dream Incubation Experience

Dearest Dreamers:

Last week, I outlined the steps for incubating a dream to answer a question.  This week, I’m proud to share a dream incubation experience discussed with me (with the permission of) Janell Moon.

Janell is a graduate of Ohio University in Athens, Ohio, and is a San Francisco Bay Area counselor and hypnotherapist in private practice, as well as an instructor at the College of Marin Community College.  She is an award-winning author of 4 books of spiritual nonfiction and 6 volumes of poetry.  She is Poet Laureate of Emeryville, California.

She writes:

Dear SMYD,

Years ago when I was first publishing as an adult and was divorcing, I didn't want to use my married name that started with “Szyd,” as it was too difficult, and not my own ethnicity.  I didn't want to return to my maiden name, “Pfau,” my dad's name.

It was the year before women had the right to go back to their maiden name automatically at the time of divorce, if they wanted.  But in California, usage of a name without intent to defraud is a legitimate way to have your name changed in time.  So I decided to dream a name and begin using it! 

I began suggesting to myself every night at my own twilight/falling-to-sleep time that I would dream a new name for myself.

In several nights, I dreamt of my Aunt Nell whom I had visited once a year, as a growing child, and had admired for being a solid of-the-earth type that she was: plain, hardworking, and good to me in a matter-of-fact way.  I realized my first name of Jan could incorporate my aunt’s name, and be changed to “Janell” pretty easily.  (I spelled it with only one “n” so my Aunt Nell and I could be closer.)

Not too long after (I was in no hurry), I dreamt of the lovely frost and snow of my childhood Ohio.  I loved waking in the morning to the white covering of the world.  I thought “Janell Frost” would be a good new name:  It had the three syllables I had wanted, better than the less interesting (I thought) two syllables of my maiden name, Jan Pfau.

I thought of how I loved frost.  I remembered how I wrote with my fingers on the window and liked the filigree look of the frost crystals.  But still, I wasn't sure.  In a couple of days, I realized Frost was a cold name and I was a warm, affectionate person.  I realized I could choose anything, i.e., I could have the moon!  And so I chose “Moon.”  Janell Moon.  It became my writing name and name of usage thirty years ago.

Signed,

Janell Moon, Poet Laureate of Emeryville, CA

Dear Janell,

Thanks so much for sharing your dream incubation experience!  Your dreams certainly gave you some practical guidance for addressing your question of changing your name.  Readers of Send Me Your Dreams can be encouraged to try the incubation process, asking their dreams for assistance with their own concerns.

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com           

Incubate the Dream You Want

Dearest Dreamers:

You may have noticed that your Dreaming Self pays attention to your waking life.  Your Dreaming Self has a unique angle, almost as if observing you from a helicopter.  From that perspective, your Dreaming Self can offer insights to your waking dilemmas and troubling circumstances. 

You’ve heard the advice when you’re struggling with a problem:  Sleep on it.  Of course!  Allow your Dreaming Self to work with you and you will awake with good advice or new ideas to help you resolve the problem.  This can be a lucky phenomenon, or you can make it a regular part of your life by learning to incubate dreams.

My reference for this exciting and rewarding process is Living Your Dreams, by Gayle Delaney, dream researcher, and past president of the International Association for the Study of Dreams.  Delaney spells out seven steps for dream incubation:

Step 1:  Choose the Right Night – when you’re not too tired, haven’t been drinking or using prescription or recreational drugs.  On this night you’ll need an extra 10-15 minutes to make notes before you fall asleep.

Step 2:  Make Day Notes – Record the activities, thoughts, and feelings that filled your day.  No need to write an essay; just a few lines will do.

Step 3:  Incubation Discussion – Use your mind and heart to describe the situation that concerns you in detail.  Consider and write down what you see as the causes of the problem, the alternative solutions to the problem, how it makes you feel, what you might gain from taking action or doing nothing.  Churn up your feelings.  Get those thoughts down onto the paper.

Step 4:  Incubation Question or Request – Write a simple sentence on the next line that expresses your deepest and clearest desire to understand your predicament.  For example:  “What’s really going on between X and me?”  Or, “Give me an idea for my next painting.”

Step 5:  Focus!  – Set your notes aside.  Relax.  Put all your attention on your Incubation Question.  Repeat it; concentrate on it; push distractions away and return to the question or request. 

Step 6:  Sleep & Dream!  – The easiest step!  As many psychologists, psychiatrists, and students of dreaming have found, our Dreaming Self sees our life and problems more clearly, more objectively, and from a broader perspective than we usually do when we’re awake.  Your Dreaming Self will connect with sources of experience and wisdom often available only in your sleeping state.

Step 7:  Record Your Dream – Try to re-experience the dream and include any feelings, thoughts, songs, or fantasies that came with it.  Jot down any associations that come to mind regarding different dream elements.  Even sketch unusual images.

Chances are excellent, Dear Dreamer, that the dream’s insights will be clear and apparent to you.  If not, spend some time with its images and actors.  Talk it over with a trusted friend or dream worker.  Be honest with yourself!  If it truly stumps you, send it to me!  I’ll be happy to work through it with you.

Next week, I’ll share a dream recently told to me by someone who incubated an important dream at a crossroads in her life.  She credits the dream with making all the difference in her decisions.

Until then, sweet dreams to you, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Too Late to Adopt

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I'm not thinking of adopting a child, but I dreamed I was with my old college roommate “Katie,” who was a good friend but whom I feel now puts her career ahead of people.  She had a wonderful job and showed me the new office she was hoping for - much larger and better.

She had a special needs child who her roommate helped with.  Katie’s hands were full.  The roommate was neglectful.  Somehow I ended up with daughter and I could tell Katie wanted me to be responsible for her.

The baby needed food and cleaning.  I gathered scraps, mushed them up and the child ate.  She grew from newborn to a few years to a talking youngster.  It’s rewarding.

I decide to adopt this girl.  I’m pleased with my decision, but Katie just wants to give the girl to me.  Katie is mad that I don’t trust her and just take the child without legal papers.  I think Katie will take her back when she’s ten and not so needy of parenting, at least the food and diapering and the like.

I hadn’t thought of taking a child or this child.  When I see she needs help, I help out of kindness; but when I see it working and how much she needs it (and by the way, I don’t see why she’s considered special needs), I feel myself starting to bond.

Signed,

Will I Be an Adoptive Parent?

Dear Adoptive,

Your dream plays with a role that you have taken on, or are considering taking on, perhaps one that you have let diminish in your life.

Your dream has you visiting an old roommate, and says that her roommate (you) helped her with a child (a task or project, work of some kind), but put other things first and the child languished.  You were her college roommate; her roommate was neglectful of the child; she wants you to pick up those responsibilities.

It’s possible that your Dreaming Self is showing you a part of yourself in Katie.  Did you embody Katie’s more positive qualities “back in the day”?  Could it be that now you too often put work ahead of people?  Hard questions to ponder.

In addition, your dream suggests you have taken on (or are considering taking on) a task you weren’t expecting (the child - pun intended), maybe something you neglected before.  This could be something that you worked on in the past, but set aside in favor of other priorities.

You seem surprised at your success, and with the rewards of the work.  You don’t now see why you   considered it to be a difficult job, one requiring extra work or sacrifice, a “special needs case.”  Your minimal efforts at mushing scraps together yield positive results.

To your delight, you begin to bond with the work/task, and want to make it yours legitimately – an informal adoption will not do for you. 

You don’t want to be like Katie (your old self) who puts career before people.  Your dream suggests you’re a bit fearful that your old Katie-like self will reclaim your “baby” after you’ve worked hard, bonded, and felt the rewards.  You want to make the commitment to make this new “baby” yours.

Best of luck in your endeavors, Dear Dreamer!  And Sweet Dreams to you!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com