Dear SMYD,
I’m a successful and happily married man, trying
to decide whether or not to attend my 25 year high school reunion. I didn’t go to the five and ten year reunions
because just thinking about it brings up memories of an old girlfriend. I’ll call her Jenny. I have thought of Jenny many times over the
years, usually with anger.
I loved Jenny.
But she treated me pretty badly. She
always left me feeling as if her expectations for me were low. Her eye was constantly wandering, looking for
someone better. In retrospect, I’d say
she used me. I never felt secure when I
was with her. Still, I sought her
out. I went back to her every time I had
the chance.
Then last night I dreamed that I was back in
the hallways of our high school going to the gym for a homecoming dance. Jenny was ahead of me and I followed her like
I did when we were young. She clearly
didn’t care about me, and only occasionally glanced over her shoulder to give
an expression of impatience or disgust. Once, she started to hand me something; I
couldn’t quite see what it was. As I reached
for it, she turned away and it disappeared.
I woke up wondering what it was she had in her hand.
Some of this seems obvious. But that gift, that thing she was going to
hand me; I want to know what it was!
Should I go to the reunion? If I saw her at the reunion, what would I say?
Signed,
Old Schoolboy
Dear Old Schoolboy,
Young love is a powerful thing. It can be especially painful when a teenager
is trying to find himself and at the same time is caught up in a lopsided
relationship. The internal struggle you
describe in your waking life - trying to decide whether to risk seeing Jenny
again - reveals that even now, you still care to some tiny degree. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be composing a speech
every time you think of her.
Your dream reaffirms that when it comes to
Jenny, your feelings haven’t changed since you last saw her. You’ve reverted to that puppy love, and follow
her through the hallways, accepting any scrap of attention she offers. Almost like an abused child, you take
negative attention as better than no attention.
The gesture she makes to you, as though offering
you something, turns out to be empty.
Just as before, she leaves you with nothing of substance. Not regular attention or company, not the
barest of commitment.
Should you go to the reunion? Only if there are others with whom you’d like
to reconnect. Don’t let Jenny keep you
away; but don’t let her be the reason you’re going. You’re a successful and happily married
man. If you see her there, I’d say keep
it upbeat and vague. “So nice to see
you.” Then turn back to your wife,
leaving Jenny to wonder what you might have offered her.
Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!
SMYD
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