Security doesn't always mean happiness

Our pets may appear in our dreams acting as an aspect of ourselves.  Is your pet courageous?  Always there to protect you?  Or, is she timid and afraid of her own shadow?  Her personality trait in your dream most likely points to a trait of your own that is helping you or holding you back.

Dear SMYD,

My mother is impatient with my love life.  She has thrown up her hands at me.  I was divorced more than 10 years ago and she wants to see me remarried, settled down and secure.  I have dated a few men since the divorce and mom has approved of every one.  But each one has had a personal habit or a character flaw that I did not want to live with.  She thinks I am too picky and unrealistic.

Now I have been dating Don for several months, and mom and I are going through the same argument.  She thinks I should marry him (he seems inclined to propose sometime soon) and I am feeling uncertain.  He is a good man, but holds on a little too tight if you know what I mean.

Here’s my dream:  I have Sweetie, my dog, under my arm and I am running toward a storm shelter.  Sweetie didn’t like what was happening and struggled to get free and run away.  I kept her with me knowing what was good for her – that she would be safe with me and that I would know where she was, which would make me feel better.

Storms were coming.  There were big clouds coming toward me.  They were white and the sun was also shining.  We had to run up a hill to the shelter.  A man was there showing us the way, waving his arms like he was directing traffic.  He looked kind of like Don.

So what do you make of this dream?

Signed,

Running from a Storm

Dear Running,

It seems clear that you and Sweetie have a prominent trait in common:  Neither of you likes to be held too closely or prevented from enjoying your freedom. 

In your dream, you force Sweetie to go with you toward the “shelter” where Don beckons.  But she struggles to free herself, even though you, or more likely the mother in you, purports to know what is good for her. 

What is there to run from, Dear Dreamer?  Sure, there are clouds in the sky, but white clouds on a sunny day, not dark threatening stormy clouds.  Why would you go into a shelter?  Don calls you to join him.  He clearly represents a safe place, but perhaps more safety than is called for.  That kind of “safety” can be stifling, as you already know. 

Your mother’s intentions are good, Dear Dreamer.  She “knows what’s good for you,” and for her that means security above all else.  But you, not she, will have to live in the confined space where Don controls the traffic.  Your dream says to trust your own instincts. 

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dreamers are not alone!

Famous dreamer John Lennon

Dear Dreamers,

Can you think of anyone you know who hasn’t puzzled over the cryptic images of a dream?  Research shows that everyone dreams every night!  Some say they never remember their dreams.  Too bad for them!  They’re missing a wealth of readily available revelations and inventiveness. 

References to dreams are all around us and have been since the beginning of time.  Cultures across the globe, from primitive to advanced, have reported their dreams and relied on them to be visionary and stimulating in every facet of life. 

So the current fascination with dreams in the United States is not new, but dreams are ever fresh and rich in layers of meaning, as well as a deep reservoir of inspiration.

Consider these examples of creativity based in the dreams of well-known artists:  Both John Lennon and Paul McCartney attribute the source of some of their extensive playlist to their dreams.  For example, John Lennon said that he heard the lyrics to his song “#9 Dream,” in a dream.  And his writing partner Paul McCartney attributes the tune for “Yesterday,” his most often covered song, to a dream.  He woke with it complete in his mind, went straight to the piano and worked it out on the keyboard.

Perhaps not surprisingly, the dreamlike artwork of Salvador Dali was inspired by his dreams.  One of his most famous works, “Persistence of Memory,” depicts Dali’s conception of time as it felt in his dreams.  Indeed, Dali expressed his deep reverence for dreams when he said, “One day it will have to be officially admitted that what we have christened reality is an even greater illusion than the world of dreams,”

Acclaimed filmmaker Christopher Nolan, of “Matrix” among others, credits his experiences with lucid dreams for the inspiration for his expansive and complex movie about lucid dreaming, “Inception.”  In both films, Nolan, much like Dali, challenges the traditional concepts of dreaming and waking, depicting them as interchangeable, each influencing the other.  

          

When he was recovering from critical injuries suffered after being hit by a minivan while on his evening constitutional, Stephen King got the idea for his story “Dreamcatcher” from a series of dreams he had about four guys in a cabin in the woods.  One cannot help wondering if all those scary stories King wrote reflect many years of nightmares!

Even this tiny sample from the arts makes it clear that all of us who marvel at our nightly sojourns are in good company.  The quality and caliber of those who ponder dreams and are inspired by them is exemplary.  You are among the stars, Dear Dreamers!

To expand your dreaming horizons even more, I suggest exploring the International Association for the Study of Dreams at www.asdreams.org.  There you will find depth and breadth in the investigation of dreams, from the clinical analysis of the biological and psychological origins of dreams, to the soaring spiritual implications of our universal, human experience.

Sweet Dreams to you, Dear Dreamers!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

Dream's advice: Celebrate new love a little at a time

Champagne may be the perfect metaphor for a new relationship:  Just like love, it can burst forth on the happiest of occasions.  It is bubbly and exciting by its very nature.  But it can lose its sparkle quickly too.  What’s a lonely man to do?

Dear SMYD,

It seems that the men in my family have always had bad luck with women.  My dad and his brothers all were married and divorced at least once!  I’ve probably gotten most of my attitudes toward women and marriage from them.  It hasn’t helped me much.  I’ve been divorced once and had three other long-term but doomed relationships with women!  

But I think I’d be happier if I were married, or at least in a committed relationship, so I am pretty excited about a new woman that my friend introduced me to.  She seems down-to-earth and is fun to be around.  She has a great sense of humor and she is easy on the eyes.  But with my history, I can’t have much hope for our future!

Here’s my dream:  My uncle hands me a very large bottle of Chanel No. 5 cologne.  I really wanted it.  When I started to open the bottle, I saw that it was effervescent – bubbly like champagne.  I opened it a little, then recapped it quickly to keep it from gushing out or going flat.  I wanted to splash it on but I was afraid to have it open long enough to even get the fragrance!

My sister thinks this dream is about my new girlfriend.  What do you think?

Signed,

Afraid of Cologne!?

Dear Afraid,

Your sister may be on to something.  Based on the background you included, one divorce and three failed long-term relationships, the new woman in your life might be considered No. 5.  But she comes to you from your uncle’s point of view, that women are hard to understand and harder to live with.  So this new opportunity may be fresh and different, but it is filtered through not just your negative experiences, but also those of your family members and their unpleasant history. 

And, even though you truly want to enjoy the fragrance, or to celebrate with some bubbly, you approach the prospect timidly, with skepticism and hesitance.  You seem to be saying, “What if my emotions overflow and I wind up getting hurt again?  What if the relationship loses its thrill and goes flat?”

Those are the risks you take, Dear Dreamer, any time you take a chance on love.  You may have better odds this time given your reflective state of mind and strong desire to try again.  Instead of being ruled by your past, and assuming this new relationship is doomed like the others, why not learn from them?  You have gained some insights about women and about yourself.    As your dream suggests, take a little at a time, don’t let your emotions surge too far in front.  Let your better self emerge.  Sip and enjoy.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

Dreamer's grandma still knows best

Dreams of a loved one who has passed away can be especially powerful.  All the memories and emotions associated with that person emerge.  Many feel that these are actual communications from the departed.  But even for those who do not accept that explanation, such dreams can offer important insights for the dreamer.

Dear Carolyn,

My grandmother and I became very close after both my parents died when I was still a young woman.  We could talk about everything!  This was a wonderful discovery for me since I didn’t really know her that well before because we lived in different states across the country.  At that time in my life it was amazing to talk with her about men!  I had several failed relationships and she had experience I never knew about.  (Up until then I only knew “grandma stuff” about her.)  She gave me some great advice that has stuck with me all these years.

Now, she has been gone many years and I am at a very different point in my life.  This week I had an extremely poignant dream about her.  In it, I am kneeling in front of her and I am so happy to see her!  She takes my face in her hands and looks at me with such love.  We both are teary-eyed.  But then, just as she is about to tell me something important, the dream ends.

I felt so glad to have had this experience – it wasn’t like other dreams.  It seemed like I was really with her!  I was sad to wake up and especially sad that I didn’t get to hear what she had to say!

Signed,

Missing Grandma’s Advice

Dear Missing,

A Freudian approach to your dream would suggest that your yearning for your grandmother produced a dream about her, and dismiss it as that.  At the other end of the spectrum are those who would say that this is without a doubt a visit from beyond the grave.

The distinction may be less important than the application of the dream’s content to your waking life. 

One of the most important things you have retained from your days with your grandmother was learning about her life’s experience and the advice she offered to you in what seems to have been a tumultuous time in your life.  You do not give too many details, but perhaps there is something in your life now that could use a bit of Grandma’s wisdom.  Chances are good that if you review key relationships you have now, at home, at work and in the community, there is a place where her kind of wisdom applies. 

You mention that your grandmother surprised you with her knowledge and understanding of romantic relationships.  That’s a good place to start.  Did she offer you a cardinal rule?  Even though she didn’t speak it in the dream before you woke, chances are good that she would say that rule still applies today.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

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Vehicles in our dreams often speak to our modes of operating or negotiating the obstacles we encounter in life.  If the wheels are flat or damaged our ability to move through difficult times is compromised.  The bicycle in today’s dream is a good example:

Dear SMYD,

Years ago I worked with a young man whom I’ll call “Steven.”  He was smart and handsome and had a big heart.  But he seemed to have a hole inside that he couldn’t fill.  He wanted to be loved, but never seemed to understand that he was loved and even admired by his peers.  My heart ached for him!

I’ve had a big emotional blow recently, and now I have dreamed about Steven.  Seeing him again, even in a dream, got me feeling worried like I did back when I was trying to help him see that his glass was half full, and that everything would ultimately be OK.

In the dream, Steven came to me asking if I would buy his bicycle.  He didn’t really want to sell it, but he needed the money.  I didn’t need a bicycle, but I gave him $50 for it as a charity.  I stored the bike in a beautiful, well-appointed area, but the public had access to it, and someone damaged it.  When Steven came back wanting to buy his bicycle, its front wheel was bent and warped and had no tire. 

I felt bad but defended my actions saying after all, the bike was mine.  Only then did I realize that a better way to have helped Steven would have been to buy the bike and then ask him to keep it for me.  That way he could have the money he needed and his bike in good condition.  And I could feel strong and smart and magnanimous for helping him on his way. 

Then, the most amazing thing happened:  The dream replayed with this alternate ending!  Isn’t that the happiest ending ever!

Signed,

Do Over

Dear Do Over,

It appears that you were a counselor of some sort when you knew Steven.  You could see all the solid and empowering qualities he embodied, even if he couldn’t see them.  Your task and goal was to help him and support him as he found his way to equilibrium.

Now, your task is to help yourself in a similar way.  But, having experienced an emotional blow that has you feeling weakened and needy like Steven, your dream shows you giving yourself what might be considered half  ($50 – only 50%) of the same support that you need.

The bicycle in your dream suggests your balance is clearly compromised because of the shock you have been dealt.  You must be wobbling, reeling from the blow.

Like Steven, you may not recognize that you too are smart, handsome and have a big heart.  Give yourself 100% of the self-love and self-confidence you deserve.  When you accept it, you will be able to cruise past this setback with ease.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Even a sip of rum can be playing with fire for a recovering alcoholic.

The dreams of addicts present a special case.  Dreams of relapse among addicts and alcoholics are common.  They can be unsettling and require careful attention.

Dear Carolyn,

I spent too many years drinking too much.  I guess my story is typical in that it took the deterioration of friendships, loss of close relationships, and the near-loss of my job to wake me up.  I went into rehab and turned my life around.  I've been sober for more than six months now and the world is a different place!  So you can imagine how disturbing it was for me to dream of drinking again!

In the dream I am in a mall pushing a shopping cart.  Everything around me is white.  The walls are white; the floors are white; the shopping cart is white – everything I can see is white except a glass of rum.  (I was not a rum drinker.  Mostly, I drank wine to excess.)  In the dream, I would take a sip of rum and then ask myself if I had to reset my “birthday.”  That’s the date of my sobriety.  It marks the beginning of a new life.  After the first drink, the answer was “no.”  So I had another drink and asked the same question, “Do I have to reset my birthday?”  Again it was “no.”

Then, I seemed to know I was dreaming.  I could see that I was going to get drunk and to hurt myself, to have to start over.  With that, I woke up.  Even though it seemed almost funny when I woke up, I felt relieved to leave the dream behind.

Signed,

Scared of a Relapse

Dear Scared,

Researchers suggest that dreaming of an addiction during recovery is indicative of the depth of work an addict is doing.  In other words, you are working on your rehabilitation during your waking hours as well as during your dreams!

The fact that you became lucid during this dream, that moment when you stepped back during the dream and were able to see what was happening from an objective viewpoint, is further evidence that you are not only working on your sobriety, but you are able to observe your own process fairly effectively.

Your dream is set in a sterile environment, all white, and may speak to an experiment that you (and any addict) might be mulling over.  You were not a rum drinker, but in the dream you begin taking sips of rum testing whether you become drunk and have to start the process of sobriety over.  In other words, you ask, “Could I get away with a careful sip of alcohol?”

Beware of this Dear Dreamer!  Some research suggests that dreaming of relapsing can weaken a recovering addict’s resolve.  Hold fast to this admonition from Summit Behavioral Health experts in Princeton, NJ:   You do not have control over what you dream about, and what you dream about does not have control over what you do.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream to Dreamer: Stay at your own peril!

Don't stay in an unhealthy situation until you need CPR!

Our dreams have a remarkable capacity to ferret out past experiences that parallel current circumstances.  A person, an event or a conversation may be the perfect fit to illustrate what is happening right now.  Today we find that without recognizing it, our dreamer has repeated her father’s unfortunate attitude toward work.

Dear Carolyn,

My dad made a crucial mistake:  He extended the time he worked in a job he hated because of the money.  He had to travel all the time and he was miserable being away from his home and family.  But he kept on working, saying he’d retire when his bank account was fat.  According to my mom they didn’t need the money; and he died from a heart attack while working.

He’s been gone almost five years, but now I have dreamed of him.  In the dream he was sitting at my desk at my job and working eagerly at the computer.  (He hated computers and so do I!)  When I saw him there, I said proudly, “That’s my dad!  Yes, he came back to life to do this work.” 

Our family sometimes makes a joke about a person who looks bad but is walking around among us.  It doesn’t seem too funny right now, but it is what I said next:  “We dug him up to do this job.”

Why in the world would I have this dream and say those things about my dad?

Signed,

Missing Dad

Dear Missing,

You offer a small hint as to why this dream is pertinent to you now:  Your dad hated computers and so do you.  He, or at least his attitude, sat at your desk doing your job!

Without more details we can only surmise, but it is worth considering this possible application of the dream:  Have you continued to work eagerly at a job that you hate?  Your mom says your dad did not need any more money, but he kept on in an unhappy situation because he set an artificial goal for himself.  He would not let himself retire or relax until that false goal was reached.  The sad irony came when he died on the job.

Your dream suggests that most likely, you have decided to bite the bullet in a similar way.  You are plugging away at something that is wrong for you and unnecessary to boot.  You do not have to continue, but like him, you do for an artificial reason.  Maybe you promised yourself or someone else that you would.  Maybe you have fabricated a goal that eludes you.  Or maybe you simply do not know what else to do. 

But your dream says it is time for you to take some serious stock, Dear Dreamer.  You may have persuaded yourself that you cannot quit something that you probably should quit.  You are not the only one on the planet who can do it.  Your pride in staying is misplaced.

Take care, so that your family does not have to dig you up to see you.

Sweet Dreams to You!

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