Dream Advice May Not Be Good News

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I met a girl a few months ago and we fell much in love.  I believe she is my soul mate and she agrees.  But she's been stressed due to family, school finals and work related issues; so I've been giving her space, mainly because she isn't returning my phone calls until a day or two later, and texting me that she would call me and not doing it.  

Anyway, here’s the dream:

It takes place in my best friend’s neighborhood.  (He's extremely wise and the first person I talk to whenever I run into relationship issues.  He gives great advice and always seems to help me through all of my problems.  But I haven't told him about this girl because she used to be with a guy that is close friend of his.)  I’m walking down his NYC street when I spot the girl.  She looks more beautiful than I've ever seen her look before.  She's dolled up with a new hairstyle, perfect makeup job and she's glowing, although, in her right arm is a bunch of items, the one standing out the most is a cheap low quality white bubble coat so dirty it’s turning brown.

I approach her calmly and say, “Hey, come here."  She grows angry and pushes me away.  I reach out for her arm aggressively and pull her in so she can listen to me.  She yanks her arm from me.  I try again to contain her but she pushes me away again and again.  Then everything in her arms falls to the ground; I push her up against this short steel fence, wrap my arms around her and hold onto the fence so she is completely locked in facing me.  I look her in the eyes.  At this point she hugs me with such intensity and love that I begin weeping vigorously.  As she holds onto me I slowly begin to sink into her body as if she was quick sand.  I feel love and oneness with a human more powerful than anything I've ever felt in my life.  

Thanks, Peace & Love Always

Signed,

Soul Mate in Waiting 

Dear Soul Mate,

The setting of your dream holds a key to its meaning for you:  When you’re in the mindset (the neighborhood) of the person whose guidance you trust most, you get a glimpse of the advice he might offer you about this “relationship issue.”  While this girl looks beautiful, she carries the trappings of a less attractive self - the worn and soiled low quality coat.  By your own description you must hold her aggressively, pin her to a fence and force her to look at you.  Only then does she hug you, Dear Dreamer. 

As much as you long for a deep loving connection, you dream suggests this relationship is one-sided, at best.  Proceed with caution!  Forcing a feeling could lead to heartbreak.  Confide in your friend, Dear Dreamer.  He won’t steer you wrong.

Sweet Dreams to You!

If you must kill, do it in your dreams!

Dear SMYD,

Oddly I'd only commented to my wife last night that I hadn't killed anyone in my dreams for a while.   

As if a message was registered in my brain, there I was hiding under a table with a sword.

A man walks past me and I run the sword into his chest, up to the handle, protruding the blade out the back of his spine.  I watch his dying breath and remove the weapon.

Knowing there are more men on the floor above me, I put my victim into the elevator and send the body up to them as a warning along with a small monkey to operate the buttons.

As the bell pings and the doors open the others are met by a bloodied corpse with a primate sitting on him.

The last part of my dream involved me pulling up outside a shop in a VW camper van with my mum.  She stayed in the van while I played a fruit machine that was in the shop window, using hessian dollar bills as cash.

I put one in and there suddenly appeared a hand written note in my handwriting saying, 'Out of order'.  

Signed,

Oh no!  A Killer Again!

 

Dear Killer,

One of the beauties of dreams is that we know they speak in metaphors! 

You say that you haven’t killed anyone in your dreams for a while indicating that this is a recurring dream.  Or at least its theme of killing someone is.  As with many recurring dreams, the setting or even characters may change, but the essential actions repeat themselves.

One of the best ways to get insight into a recurring dream is to make a note of it when you have it.  You won't need to write it out in detail unless you want to.  Just make a note like, "dreamed of killing the man again, this time with more upstairs."

Then ~ and this is key ~ make another note of what's going on in your waking life in the days preceding the dream.  Chances are excellent that the dream recurs when certain circumstances or trains of thought are prevailing in your waking life.  For example, does it always come on high stress days?  You'll only need to make notes like this two or three times before the connection presents itself to you!

Without more conversation with you some general observations might help:  Given that you’re under a table as well as on a lower floor, consider the idea that you’re killing a subconscious pattern of thinking or habit –suggested by the monkey on the dead man’s back.  The pattern or habit is persistent; therefore you must suppress it repeatedly, in recurring dreamwork, and issue the warning that this habit must not rise to the surface. 

Hessian money (used to pay mercenaries) is “out of order” indicating you must do the work of beating a bad habit yourself Dear Dreamer!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com

Try to avoid it...It appears in your dreams!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve always enjoyed my dreams and appreciated the “inside information” they’ve brought to me over my lifetime.  As I scoot past the “golden years” and into the realities of old age, my thoughts and moods linger on the joy of being alive and the beauty of life itself.  Many of my dreams seem to reflect this.  They’re lovely.

On the other side is the unavoidable anxiety of knowing the end is approaching.  I don’t dwell on this, but instead try to always look on the bright side of life. 

Anyway, I’ve been lucky - I haven’t had many nightmares, but this recent dream fits that description:

I’m in my car and I’m coming up to a stop sign.  I step on the brakes, but the car doesn’t slow down.  I press harder on the brake pedal, but no response.  The car keeps rolling forward.  It even seems to be picking up speed!  Now I’m pumping the brakes, but it’s no use!  I know I can’t stop in time.  Then, I’m in the back seat of the car.  I can’t even reach the steering wheel now and we keep rolling forward.  Then someone climbs into the backseat with me.  He’s menacing.  He has a rope or something like it twisted between his hands and he’s going to strangle me!  That’s when I woke up, thank goodness! 

Signed,

Not Fair to Get Nightmares Now!

 

Dear Not Fair,

It’s wonderful to hear of your lifelong enjoyment of your dreams.  Your experience will bear out the power of a dream’s metaphors to express complex emotions and circumstances with only a few images.

Your thoughts of what the future holds may have triggered the images of this unpleasant dream. In keeping on the bright side of things, you try to avoid thinking about the inevitable.  So, your dream plays out the feelings you suppress in your waking life. 

In your dream, you’re frantically trying to slow your forward progress.  The stop sign you’re approaching suggests a threshold you’re bound to pass.  And as you’ve said, you cannot stop advancing, no matter how hard you try!  Adding to the feeling that things are out of your control, you find yourself in the back seat, unable to steer or even reach the brake pedal.

Then, bringing overt fear, a grim reaper-like character has joined you in the back seat with only one thought in mind.  It’s an unpleasant, but straightforward scenario.

It does seem unfair that you should have to face these fears in your dreams.  To remedy this, you can bring those thoughts and concerns into the light of day.  Consider talking more openly with a trusted friend or counselor.  Your family members may be more adept at listening and understanding than you would think.   You have the capacity to deal with the coming phase of your life with dignity and grace, Dear Dreamer.   Your dreams will reflect your new approach to the future.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Ethereal connection or wish fulfillment?

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

Hi!  I came across your site this morning and I just have to tell you this story!

Fifteen years ago I got married for the 2nd time and that night I dreamt of a man (not my husband).  We were standing in a beautiful garden and it was light at night.  I was holding a silver tray and this man came to me and said in such a gentle voice, "My wife let me carry this tray."  

And in my dream we had some sort of function at our home that night in this beautiful garden.  The clothing that we wore showed in my dream that it could have been around the 1800’s.  Even the tray was a tray from that time period.  And there was wealth around us in the dream.  I also felt so happy and content and there was such a bond between us that when I woke up the next day I still could feel this strong bond.

At the time I definitely didn’t know this man in reality.  But exactly 15 years later we moved into a new home and who moves in next door... the man who I saw in my dream 15 years earlier!  Same hands, same voice, same build and height.  He even has the same face and eyes. 

Can you shed any light on this for me?  I’d appreciate it more than you will ever know.  Thanks for your time!  

Signed,

Met the Mysterious Stranger!

 

Dear Met,

Accounts of dreamers throughout history include dreams such as yours that seem to speak to something ethereal:  A beautiful garden that is light even in nighttime.  Wealth, whether spiritual or material.  A super sort of being or person who soothes and comforts by his or her presence.  And a connection or bond to all this, infusing it all with a heavenly quality.  Many documented dreams appear to defy the bounds of time and space.

The dream from your wedding night had a just such a powerful impact!  Those experiences of another time and magical place left you with a lasting and peaceful state of mind.  The bond you awoke with kept your dream’s ambience alive for many years.  Some would say that your dream is indicative of making a connection with a kindred spirit, a protective companion on another level. 

Indeed, your dream has the hallmarks of contact with a caring spirit or companion.  Since you offer few details of your current circumstances, the appearance now of a man so closely resembling the “man of your dreams” has me wondering.  Are you presently in a position to be yearning for such comfort and companionship?  If so, it would be easy to point to this dream as justification for changes you might otherwise not make.  If you’re secure in your relationship with your husband, consider the appearance of your dream’s guardian angel as comfort and encouragement in your new home.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Don't get rushed into sex, Grandma!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

“Don” and I have been dating only a short while.  We are both “single again” after painful break-ups of long-standing relationships.  We are not children or even young people any more.  We’re both grandparents!  But it’s surprising to me how quickly emotions rise; and I’ve begun to imagine the long-term possibilities for the two of us. 

But even though I like him very much and find him extremely attractive in every way, I’m exercising a lot of caution.  I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship that I might regret.  So here’s my dream:

Don and I go to his apartment to look at his paintings (he is an artist).  There are teenagers there and other young adults.  I guess it’s a party of some kind.  Everyone there seems excited and happy, dancing and drinking, trying to get me to join in.  I didn’t expect this to be going on. 

Before I realize it, Don has left me alone in the room with all these young people!  I certainly didn’t expect him to do that!  I don’t know any of them and it’s awkward.  I don’t know what to say or do, and they don’t either.  Then, it seems I’m supposed to change clothes to be more comfortable or fit in with this younger crowd.  That’s when I wake up feeling confused and alone. 

Signed,

Single Again

 

Dear Single,

You remember the old cliché` about the man with shady intentions who invites the innocent young woman up to his place “to see his etchings”?  Your dream sets the stage for your feelings in just such a way!  Don is a painter, and invites you to see his paintings just as the spider says, “Come into my parlor,” to the fly.  Of course the difference is that you’re not so young, and presumably not so innocent!

Nevertheless, the circumstances in which your dream places you reflect the trepidations you feel in your waking life.  Though you acknowledge that both you and Don have been around this block before, you also are feeling awkward, out of place and uncomfortable at the “party” to which you’ve been invited. 

To join in the party, you would have to make some changes.  To use another cliché, you’ll have to change into something more comfortable – a different mindset built on trust.  Your dream suggests you’re not quite ready to do that.

Don is out of the room during your dilemma giving rise to the question, where is he in the process of seeking intimacy?  It’s not a one-person proposition, after all.  As adults, perhaps the two of you could have a grownup conversation about what’s on your mind. 

Share your anxieties, Dear Dreamer.  Tell Don your plan to proceed with caution and why you want it that way.  Find out if he respects your need for trust, comfort and security.  His answers will allow you to relax; or your instincts will tell you to run!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Biker Mamma's Dilemma

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve been in a relationship with “Bob” for over a year now.  It seems pretty lopsided to me.  He says he likes things the way they are, and claims not to understand my impatience with him.  This “discussion” goes around and around, and we never really get anywhere. 

Then last night I dreamed that I was riding a Harley Davidson Sportster and Bob was on the back.  He wanted me to stop at a convenience store so he could buy a newspaper.  Bob goes in, buys a paper, comes back out and gets on the back of the bike again.  I try to get the bike started so we can get back out on the road, but the bike has a “kill switch” that has to be deactivated every time you turn the engine off and want to restart it.  Also, there’s a gas hose on the handlebars that is pouring gasoline out of the bike and onto the pavement around us. 

And on top of all that, Bob just sits there with his feet on the buddy pegs and the paper under his arm!  His weight makes the bike awkward and hard to balance.  Then, the gas on the ground ignites and I have to wobble the bike away to avoid the potential disaster.  The dream ends as I’m frantically maneuvering from place to place to get away from each new fire.

Signed,

Biker Mamma in My Dreams

 

Dear Biker Mamma,

Your dream presents a graphic and emotional situation to illustrate your state of mind concerning your relationship with Bob.  In it, you are the driver, the one who wants to get going, and in fact is moving along.  You have a sporty and powerful motorcycle for your road trip and have taken on Bob as a passenger, a role he seems quite comfortable with.

You describe your relationship as lopsided and indeed, your dream shows the balance of the motorcycle is thrown off by his seemingly oblivious, unconcerned position.  He appears to be content just to be a “buddy,” without doing his part to steady the bike and get you both safely on the road.

When Bob says he wants the news, you oblige by stopping for his convenience.  But once he has it laid out for him in the newspaper, he pays it no real attention.  He merely tucks it under his arm and settles back into a passive role.  This is not only not helpful, it’s potentially dangerous to your progress.  You can’t get going and, just as in your waking life, he’s disengaged, not understanding your sense of urgency.

With all your energy pouring out onto the ground and igniting into those frustrating “discussions” you mention, it’s clear you’re doing the work and he’s content to go along for the ride.  I hope you’re not paying all the bills Dear Dreamer, because just like in your dream, it’s hardto get on with your life without shaking a freeloader.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Universal Dreams Provide Personal Meaning

Dearest Dreamers,

I caution you to resist the notion that there exists a set definition of symbols to which you can refer and learn the meaning of your dreams!  If you find dream book that says, “When you dream ‘A,’ it means ‘B,’ beware!  Such “dictionaries” are at best starting points for your thinking.  At worst, they trivialize the vital content of dreams and comprise only parlor games.

Your dreams are yours alone.  The meaning of your dreams lies within you.  For example, if I were to dream of a tractor, it likely will be indicative of something quite different from a tractor appearing in the dream of a life-long farmer! 

Dreamwork is the process of recognizing how a particular metaphor can illustrate a complex circumstance or state of mind that you are experiencing and grappling with.  It is a customized and personal missive made for you alone!

Having said that, I commend to you an extremely helpful tool for understanding your dreams, written by one of the pioneers in dream research, Patricia Garfield, Ph.D. – The Universal Dream Key: The 12 Most Common Dream Themes Around the World.

Dr. Garfield gathered material for this study from her reviews of the extensive literature on dreams; from her own 50 years of dream journaling (more than 29 volumes!); from 35 years of collecting personal descriptions of dreams provided to her by dreamers; and from dreams contributed to her website by more than 500 dreamers from 36 countries around the world.

In her clear and easily accessible work, Dr. Garfield explains a fascinating observation she has made after her extensive research:  “Certain dream plots recur so often that [she has] termed them ‘Universal Dreams.’”  But even so, Dr. Garfield goes on to say that these themes form the basic building blocks for dreams, and that any given dream is likely to have more than one scene, be more elaborate and more complex than the universal themes she has identified.  In short, her themes provide a starting point for going deeper into a dream and understanding it in a personal context as well as a cultural context. 

Here in the interest of space, I have abbreviated the titles of the universal themes Dr. Garfield identifies and discusses in detail (you’ll notice she offers both sides of a coin): 

1)    Being chased v. embraced

2)   Being injured v. healed

3)   Vehicle problems v. pleasure

4)   Property loss v. improvement

5)   Poor test performance v. fine performance

6)   Falling v. flying

7)   Being naked v. well-dressed

8)   Missing the boat v. pleasant travel

9)   Machine malfunction v. smooth operation

10) Natural disaster v. natural beauty

11)  Being lost v. discovering new spaces

12) Menacing spirit v. guiding spirit

You most certainly recognize some of these themes as recurring in your own dreams over time.  Dr. Garfield offers multiple approaches to understanding these dreams in your world, bringing the universal to the personal.

A most practical and satisfying tool.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamers!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com