Dream Interpretation - Don't let bad habits harden into place

Dreams of houses may relate to the dreamer's state of mind ~ where she lives mentally or emotionally.  Consider also the implications of houses holding key relationships and the qualities they embody.

Dear Carolyn,

My husband and I live in our current house alone along with our baby and puppy.  I remember when I was pregnant I just wanted to get things done (nesting).  I was on a mission.  I was tired but I didn't want to sleep.  That's how I felt in this dream:

I was in a house that looks totally different but feels familiar.  Somehow, I knew it was my house.  Most of the dream took place at the top landing of our stairs.  There were many people I don’t recognize in the house.

I was tired but I didn't want to sleep.  My husband was busy with calls for his business and I kept missing him.  I would see him and make my way to him but not catch up to him in time. 

But the problem here is that my house seemed to be falling apart.  There were coral-like growths all around the house especially at the top of the stairs and in my master bedroom.  I tried to get my husband to call someone to come and fix it.  But I am the only one to see it – or see it as a problem.  I wanted to fix it or do something to get rid of it.  I remember getting upset and thinking why does nobody think to remove them!

Signed,

Anxious New Mom

Dear New Mom,

The house in your dream is a metaphor for your state of mind – the place you live with a nagging feeling that things are not right.  You find yourself concerned that things are calcifying around you. 

Because the major part of the dream takes place at the top of the stairs near the master bedroom, it may be speaking to your relationship with your husband.  As a new mom, you have many new trains of thought (the many people now in your home).  And you find some thoughts, or patterns of behavior, that are growing at the same time they are solidifying, like coral.  It is significant that these are parts of the walls. 

As you know, walls or partitions create separation.  In your dream, you are concerned about this and you keep trying to connect with your husband about it, to no avail.  You miss him, literally and figuratively, and you want "to fix it or get rid of it."  But he doesn't see the need to worry or to take any action.  Your worry is that the patterns of communication around you now will solidify into long term isolation.

It seems that you are trying to build a home with your newly expanded family and you feel alone with your worries unheard.  Your dream urges you not to sleep, Dear Dreamer, but to resolve the mission you're on.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Gruesome dreams serve a purpose

Our dreams may present us with shocking and gruesome images to shake us out of our passive thinking.  Today’s dreamer cannot ignore the ugly truth of her feelings about the important differences between her boyfriend and herself.

Dear Carolyn,

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting anapartment together that I'm not really too excited about.  For one thing, I'm more conservative on the whole, but he just wants to spend it all as soon as he gets it.

We always argue; it's literally a love/hate relationship.  Whenever I did have this dream I felt terrible.  We may fight and all, but I don't wish any harm on him.

I was basically kicking it with this guy with an unfamiliar face; we were in my bed sitting.  He was on his computer while I was watching him.  Eventually we were arguing about money.  I ended up killing him by chopping his head off (to take his money).

When his head fell, his face turned into my boyfriend.  I covered the face up and threw everything in the closet.  The eyes were still showing.  He woke back up from what I did and he was just looking at me.  He started talking about how could I do this.  Then I started to gouge out his eyes while he looked at me doing it!  I told him "I don't won't you to have a bad memory or to be bitter about women."  That was the final straw, my body finally let me wake up.  

The whole time I could not wake up!  Finishing a dream never happens, but this time it did.  What does that mean?  I literally woke up after I stared at him for a few seconds with his gouged eyes.  Please help me understand.  The whole time the dream didn't have anything to do with him but then unfamiliar face turned into him, why?  Why am I dreaming about murdering my boyfriend?  What does all of this mean? 

Signed,

Love/Hate

Dear Love/Hate

There is no need for you to worry about taking your dream literally ~ you're not going to kill your boyfriend!  But your dream does spring from the depth of anger you feel over the important, fundamental difference between you two.

With its graphic images, your dream suggests that you'd like to cut off your boyfriend's way of thinking (his head) and gouge out his way of looking at things (his eyes).  This is about the money you're arguing about in the dream and based on your conservative ways vs. his free spending ways.  You want to pretend everything is OK and hide your differences and your anger in the closet, but you cannot escape it!  It's there – a fact of life with him.

No wonder you're "not too excited" about getting an apartment with someone with whom you always argue Dear Dreamer.  Consider the life/situation you might be getting into!  It’s easier to do than to undo!

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Falling? Find help on solid ground

Stressful times bring stressful dreams.  Today’s dreamer brings three quick examples of how our dreams can point out the urgency of the situation.  They also show by omission what our dreamer is missing.

Dear Carolyn,

Owning my own business is my dream come true.  I love being my own boss, but the first year is also very stressful.  I am learning as I go and sometimes the lessons are hard ones.  There is nowhere to turn when things go wrong.  I am responsible for everything, good and bad.  My anxiety level is high.  I am pretty sure the business will make it, but sometimes I am scared it won’t.

 In addition to work worries, I am trying to help an elderly, frail parent.  With that and then the ‘regular’ family and home duties, I feel pretty stressed out most of the time. 

In a rare moment yesterday, I had a chance to take a nap and I had three scary dreams!  Bam!  Bam!  Bam!  All were based on me falling down and not being able to get up.  Once by a pool; the next was on a pier at the ocean.  The last one I was walking to a friend’s front door and fell over and again wasn't able to help myself up.

Thoughts?

Signed,

Fearful of Falling

Dear Fearful,

Dreams of falling are among the most frequently reported of 'bad' dreams or nightmares.  Most often they will occur when the dreamer has a waking life feeling of insecurity or lack of support.  When coupled with water – as two of yours are – the feeling of drowning or being overwhelmed contributes to the frightening rush of emotions.

While most dreams aren't literal, it never hurts to get a checkup if you have physical worries associated with this dream.  Stress can have powerful physical effects!

More likely, your dream images are working on a metaphorical level.  Chances are, in some facet of your waking life, you find those parallel sensations.  You mention three areas of stress in your waking life – work, home and eldercare – and you have three dreams with the same theme of finding yourself without support or on shaky footing.  Even when close to a friend’s house, you fall alone and cannot get up.

A couple of remedies for such unsettling dreams: First sit quietly and re-imagine the dream in all its detail - see it, feel it, hear it, even smell it.  But this time, give it a new ending.  Perhaps you don't fall at all.  Or you fall onto a cushion.  Maybe the fall turns into flying.  This activity can help with the emotional stress of the dream as well as opening up alternate methods of dealing with the precipitant waking life stressors.

Your dreams point out that you find yourself alone in these stressful situations.  But you are not alone in your waking life, Dear Dreamer.  Reach out to friends and family, fellow businessmen or professional organizations established to assist fledgling businesses.  You’ll feel stronger and more sure-footed.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Get rid of the bodies!

Houses and living spaces may symbolize a dreamer’s state of mind – the place s/he lives mentally.  Today’s dream of a beautiful house with a shocking secret room presents a clear example of this interpretation.

Dear Carolyn,

My wife and I had a nasty divorce after 23 years of marriage.  I have been single and on my own for more than eight years now.  I have dated a bit here and there.  And I have had some interest in continuing a relationship since then, but nothing ever “takes.”  It’s been long enough now that I think I’d like to settle down again and have someone I can look to the future with.  But somehow, someway, no matter how good things seem to be with this woman or that one, I can’t bring myself to get married again.  Now, two perfectly good women are lost to me and I know something has to change.

During these years, I have had the same dream more than once:  I am walking up to a beautiful mansion.  The grounds are well-manicured and the interior is lovely.  I begin wandering through the rooms and the hallways, finding one charming area after another.  Then, on my left is a door with a polished plaque marked “Marriage.”  When I open the door, I am horrified to see stacks of dead bodies!  I know I have to carry them out of there because of the health concerns, but instead, I decide I’ll do it later.  I back out of the room, close the door and leave the house.

Signed,

Single Too Long

Dear Single,

It must be clear to you already that the bodies in the room marked “Marriage” represent the dead but not buried resentments, accusations and residual anger from your nasty divorce.  There they are, stacked up and festering in what is otherwise a beautiful state of mind.  No doubt, such a collection of antipathies will work against your stated desire to remarry and spend the remainder of your time in a committed relationship.

The good news is that you acknowledge you must carrythat stored bitterness out of the house, as your Dreaming Self states “because of health concerns.”  It is unhealthy to harbor such bile, Dear Dreamer!  You have put off this task, as mirrored by the decision in your dream to take care of it later, to back out of relationships that are beautiful in many aspects. 

A starting place might be to work with your dream in your waking state.  Consider taking some quiet time to close your eyes and visualize how you can dispose of those bodies and release those animosities.  You might take them out in wheelbarrows, or burn them in a fireplace.  You could imagine their transformation into rats that scurry away.  The idea is to begin the process of looking your past in its ugly face, recognizing it as separate from your present life and dismissing it body-by-body until it hampers your future happiness no more.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Is OK good enough?

Our dreams do not come to us to tell us what we already know.  Rather, they come in service of our health and well-being.  So, when today’s dream offers a picture of the dreamer’s daily life, it is presented so that she sees clearly the effect of her life choices.  This in turn offers her the option acceptance of her status quo or of taking further action.

Dear Carolyn,

I wouldn’t call this a recurring dream because I have only had it once.  But it keeps popping into my mind, so it might as well be recurring.  It won’t leave me alone!  I first dreamed it about two years ago, right about the time my husband of 35 years and I separated.  We are back together now.  

Everything is back to normal with us which is OK, I guess.  We don’t argue or have that kind of stress.  We just go through our daily motions without too many ups and downs.  It could be a lot worse!

Anyway, here’s the dream that just stays with me:  I am standing in the doorway of an apartment that reminds me of the place where we used to live, but everything is white.  I see a man and woman lying on a kind of bed in front of me.  The bed is white and they are white, their clothes are white and so are mine.  The man and woman are very still.  Their eyes are closed and they are almost floating.  I cannot quite tell if they are alive or dead.  It is upsetting to see them there.  I wonder what I should do.  Then I decide that I don’t want to disturb them.  I’m not motivated to stir things up.

Signed,

Nagged by My Dream

Dear Nagged,

Your dream’s setting provides the first clue to its message for you:  Everything is white, without color.  While there are many possible analogies to the color white, what seems to fit is the way you describe the circumstances of your renewed relationship with your husband.  You say you guess that it’s OK that things have returned to the way they were – no deviation, all the same – white.

While there is no advocating for arguing and stress, there is also no denying that what your dream depicts is colorless and devoidof emotion.  The couple are suspended - trouble-free   perhaps – but not quite alive either.  You might say that like you and your husband, they don’t have many ups and downs.

And might be most telling is that in the end, you decide not to disturb them.  This is the choice you must make consciously in your waking life, Dear Dreamer, for it foreshadows the era ahead.  If you are not motivated to disturb the lifelessness of this color-free, emotion-free scene, then you have set your course.  You must decide if lack of motivation is sufficient to sustain you in your remaining years together.  

Sweet Dreams to You!