Don't get rushed into sex, Grandma!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

“Don” and I have been dating only a short while.  We are both “single again” after painful break-ups of long-standing relationships.  We are not children or even young people any more.  We’re both grandparents!  But it’s surprising to me how quickly emotions rise; and I’ve begun to imagine the long-term possibilities for the two of us. 

But even though I like him very much and find him extremely attractive in every way, I’m exercising a lot of caution.  I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship that I might regret.  So here’s my dream:

Don and I go to his apartment to look at his paintings (he is an artist).  There are teenagers there and other young adults.  I guess it’s a party of some kind.  Everyone there seems excited and happy, dancing and drinking, trying to get me to join in.  I didn’t expect this to be going on. 

Before I realize it, Don has left me alone in the room with all these young people!  I certainly didn’t expect him to do that!  I don’t know any of them and it’s awkward.  I don’t know what to say or do, and they don’t either.  Then, it seems I’m supposed to change clothes to be more comfortable or fit in with this younger crowd.  That’s when I wake up feeling confused and alone. 

Signed,

Single Again

 

Dear Single,

You remember the old cliché` about the man with shady intentions who invites the innocent young woman up to his place “to see his etchings”?  Your dream sets the stage for your feelings in just such a way!  Don is a painter, and invites you to see his paintings just as the spider says, “Come into my parlor,” to the fly.  Of course the difference is that you’re not so young, and presumably not so innocent!

Nevertheless, the circumstances in which your dream places you reflect the trepidations you feel in your waking life.  Though you acknowledge that both you and Don have been around this block before, you also are feeling awkward, out of place and uncomfortable at the “party” to which you’ve been invited. 

To join in the party, you would have to make some changes.  To use another cliché, you’ll have to change into something more comfortable – a different mindset built on trust.  Your dream suggests you’re not quite ready to do that.

Don is out of the room during your dilemma giving rise to the question, where is he in the process of seeking intimacy?  It’s not a one-person proposition, after all.  As adults, perhaps the two of you could have a grownup conversation about what’s on your mind. 

Share your anxieties, Dear Dreamer.  Tell Don your plan to proceed with caution and why you want it that way.  Find out if he respects your need for trust, comfort and security.  His answers will allow you to relax; or your instincts will tell you to run!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD