Ethereal connection or wish fulfillment?

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

Hi!  I came across your site this morning and I just have to tell you this story!

Fifteen years ago I got married for the 2nd time and that night I dreamt of a man (not my husband).  We were standing in a beautiful garden and it was light at night.  I was holding a silver tray and this man came to me and said in such a gentle voice, "My wife let me carry this tray."  

And in my dream we had some sort of function at our home that night in this beautiful garden.  The clothing that we wore showed in my dream that it could have been around the 1800’s.  Even the tray was a tray from that time period.  And there was wealth around us in the dream.  I also felt so happy and content and there was such a bond between us that when I woke up the next day I still could feel this strong bond.

At the time I definitely didn’t know this man in reality.  But exactly 15 years later we moved into a new home and who moves in next door... the man who I saw in my dream 15 years earlier!  Same hands, same voice, same build and height.  He even has the same face and eyes. 

Can you shed any light on this for me?  I’d appreciate it more than you will ever know.  Thanks for your time!  

Signed,

Met the Mysterious Stranger!

 

Dear Met,

Accounts of dreamers throughout history include dreams such as yours that seem to speak to something ethereal:  A beautiful garden that is light even in nighttime.  Wealth, whether spiritual or material.  A super sort of being or person who soothes and comforts by his or her presence.  And a connection or bond to all this, infusing it all with a heavenly quality.  Many documented dreams appear to defy the bounds of time and space.

The dream from your wedding night had a just such a powerful impact!  Those experiences of another time and magical place left you with a lasting and peaceful state of mind.  The bond you awoke with kept your dream’s ambience alive for many years.  Some would say that your dream is indicative of making a connection with a kindred spirit, a protective companion on another level. 

Indeed, your dream has the hallmarks of contact with a caring spirit or companion.  Since you offer few details of your current circumstances, the appearance now of a man so closely resembling the “man of your dreams” has me wondering.  Are you presently in a position to be yearning for such comfort and companionship?  If so, it would be easy to point to this dream as justification for changes you might otherwise not make.  If you’re secure in your relationship with your husband, consider the appearance of your dream’s guardian angel as comfort and encouragement in your new home.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Don't get rushed into sex, Grandma!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

“Don” and I have been dating only a short while.  We are both “single again” after painful break-ups of long-standing relationships.  We are not children or even young people any more.  We’re both grandparents!  But it’s surprising to me how quickly emotions rise; and I’ve begun to imagine the long-term possibilities for the two of us. 

But even though I like him very much and find him extremely attractive in every way, I’m exercising a lot of caution.  I don’t want to rush into a physical relationship that I might regret.  So here’s my dream:

Don and I go to his apartment to look at his paintings (he is an artist).  There are teenagers there and other young adults.  I guess it’s a party of some kind.  Everyone there seems excited and happy, dancing and drinking, trying to get me to join in.  I didn’t expect this to be going on. 

Before I realize it, Don has left me alone in the room with all these young people!  I certainly didn’t expect him to do that!  I don’t know any of them and it’s awkward.  I don’t know what to say or do, and they don’t either.  Then, it seems I’m supposed to change clothes to be more comfortable or fit in with this younger crowd.  That’s when I wake up feeling confused and alone. 

Signed,

Single Again

 

Dear Single,

You remember the old cliché` about the man with shady intentions who invites the innocent young woman up to his place “to see his etchings”?  Your dream sets the stage for your feelings in just such a way!  Don is a painter, and invites you to see his paintings just as the spider says, “Come into my parlor,” to the fly.  Of course the difference is that you’re not so young, and presumably not so innocent!

Nevertheless, the circumstances in which your dream places you reflect the trepidations you feel in your waking life.  Though you acknowledge that both you and Don have been around this block before, you also are feeling awkward, out of place and uncomfortable at the “party” to which you’ve been invited. 

To join in the party, you would have to make some changes.  To use another cliché, you’ll have to change into something more comfortable – a different mindset built on trust.  Your dream suggests you’re not quite ready to do that.

Don is out of the room during your dilemma giving rise to the question, where is he in the process of seeking intimacy?  It’s not a one-person proposition, after all.  As adults, perhaps the two of you could have a grownup conversation about what’s on your mind. 

Share your anxieties, Dear Dreamer.  Tell Don your plan to proceed with caution and why you want it that way.  Find out if he respects your need for trust, comfort and security.  His answers will allow you to relax; or your instincts will tell you to run!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Biker Mamma's Dilemma

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve been in a relationship with “Bob” for over a year now.  It seems pretty lopsided to me.  He says he likes things the way they are, and claims not to understand my impatience with him.  This “discussion” goes around and around, and we never really get anywhere. 

Then last night I dreamed that I was riding a Harley Davidson Sportster and Bob was on the back.  He wanted me to stop at a convenience store so he could buy a newspaper.  Bob goes in, buys a paper, comes back out and gets on the back of the bike again.  I try to get the bike started so we can get back out on the road, but the bike has a “kill switch” that has to be deactivated every time you turn the engine off and want to restart it.  Also, there’s a gas hose on the handlebars that is pouring gasoline out of the bike and onto the pavement around us. 

And on top of all that, Bob just sits there with his feet on the buddy pegs and the paper under his arm!  His weight makes the bike awkward and hard to balance.  Then, the gas on the ground ignites and I have to wobble the bike away to avoid the potential disaster.  The dream ends as I’m frantically maneuvering from place to place to get away from each new fire.

Signed,

Biker Mamma in My Dreams

 

Dear Biker Mamma,

Your dream presents a graphic and emotional situation to illustrate your state of mind concerning your relationship with Bob.  In it, you are the driver, the one who wants to get going, and in fact is moving along.  You have a sporty and powerful motorcycle for your road trip and have taken on Bob as a passenger, a role he seems quite comfortable with.

You describe your relationship as lopsided and indeed, your dream shows the balance of the motorcycle is thrown off by his seemingly oblivious, unconcerned position.  He appears to be content just to be a “buddy,” without doing his part to steady the bike and get you both safely on the road.

When Bob says he wants the news, you oblige by stopping for his convenience.  But once he has it laid out for him in the newspaper, he pays it no real attention.  He merely tucks it under his arm and settles back into a passive role.  This is not only not helpful, it’s potentially dangerous to your progress.  You can’t get going and, just as in your waking life, he’s disengaged, not understanding your sense of urgency.

With all your energy pouring out onto the ground and igniting into those frustrating “discussions” you mention, it’s clear you’re doing the work and he’s content to go along for the ride.  I hope you’re not paying all the bills Dear Dreamer, because just like in your dream, it’s hardto get on with your life without shaking a freeloader.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Universal Dreams Provide Personal Meaning

Dearest Dreamers,

I caution you to resist the notion that there exists a set definition of symbols to which you can refer and learn the meaning of your dreams!  If you find dream book that says, “When you dream ‘A,’ it means ‘B,’ beware!  Such “dictionaries” are at best starting points for your thinking.  At worst, they trivialize the vital content of dreams and comprise only parlor games.

Your dreams are yours alone.  The meaning of your dreams lies within you.  For example, if I were to dream of a tractor, it likely will be indicative of something quite different from a tractor appearing in the dream of a life-long farmer! 

Dreamwork is the process of recognizing how a particular metaphor can illustrate a complex circumstance or state of mind that you are experiencing and grappling with.  It is a customized and personal missive made for you alone!

Having said that, I commend to you an extremely helpful tool for understanding your dreams, written by one of the pioneers in dream research, Patricia Garfield, Ph.D. – The Universal Dream Key: The 12 Most Common Dream Themes Around the World.

Dr. Garfield gathered material for this study from her reviews of the extensive literature on dreams; from her own 50 years of dream journaling (more than 29 volumes!); from 35 years of collecting personal descriptions of dreams provided to her by dreamers; and from dreams contributed to her website by more than 500 dreamers from 36 countries around the world.

In her clear and easily accessible work, Dr. Garfield explains a fascinating observation she has made after her extensive research:  “Certain dream plots recur so often that [she has] termed them ‘Universal Dreams.’”  But even so, Dr. Garfield goes on to say that these themes form the basic building blocks for dreams, and that any given dream is likely to have more than one scene, be more elaborate and more complex than the universal themes she has identified.  In short, her themes provide a starting point for going deeper into a dream and understanding it in a personal context as well as a cultural context. 

Here in the interest of space, I have abbreviated the titles of the universal themes Dr. Garfield identifies and discusses in detail (you’ll notice she offers both sides of a coin): 

1)    Being chased v. embraced

2)   Being injured v. healed

3)   Vehicle problems v. pleasure

4)   Property loss v. improvement

5)   Poor test performance v. fine performance

6)   Falling v. flying

7)   Being naked v. well-dressed

8)   Missing the boat v. pleasant travel

9)   Machine malfunction v. smooth operation

10) Natural disaster v. natural beauty

11)  Being lost v. discovering new spaces

12) Menacing spirit v. guiding spirit

You most certainly recognize some of these themes as recurring in your own dreams over time.  Dr. Garfield offers multiple approaches to understanding these dreams in your world, bringing the universal to the personal.

A most practical and satisfying tool.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamers!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com