Dear SMYD,
I have been married 15 years and love my
wife. Rarely does a day go by where I
don't realize how lucky I am. However,
while dating our relationship was very rocky and she dumped me three times!
Here is my recurring dream which I have had
repeatedly over the last 15 years: In my
dream my wife is leaving me. I am devastated. I am pleading with her to stay. I yell, cry, beg, and cajole her, but it
makes no difference. Not only is she
leaving but also she is completely apathetic to me! Not even angry, she’s just matter of fact,
packing and leaving. In some versions of
the dream she is leaving to another man who is ALWAYS younger and way cooler
than me.
P. S. My
wife likes it when I have this dream because I wake up and am usually super
good to her that day!
Signed,
Repeating in Benicia
Dear Repeating,
Your humor in relating your dream is refreshing. No wonder you've had 15 happy years of
marriage!
You have an opportunity to gain even more insight
into your recurring dream if you're inclined to take a couple of steps to flesh
it out. Next time you wake up realizing
you've had it again, make note of it.
Then, review the events of the last few days and make note of them
too. Repeat this when the dream recurs a
second time. It won't take more than two
or three repetitions before you see the pattern of the dream's appearance. These repeaters are almost always tied to
certain circumstances or states of mind in our waking lives.
Chances are excellent that something in your
waking life is triggering "that old feeling" of insecurity that you
experienced before you and your wife made the commitment to be married.
Now it may be as simple as that. But don't rule out the possibility that
something other than your relationship is the trigger for this dream. Look around for anything in your waking life that
prompts similar feelings of fear and desperation. It could be something at work (a younger,
cooler guy challenging you there), or in your neighborhood or extended family
that pushes that button in you. If so,
the feelings are similar to those you felt "back in the day" and your
dream acts as a metaphor for that. Our
dreams are particularly powerful in their ability to draw parallels between
divergent situations and their attendant emotions. Your dream may be showing you such
similarities.
A question worth considering is whether the
begging and pleading are what earned your ultimate success in winning your
wife's hand. Or, perhaps, as in your
dream, those actions left her cold. If that
rings true, try to recall the shift in your thinking and behavior that made the
difference back then, and apply them to your new situation now.
Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!
SMYD
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