Weeping When I Woke

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I need help about a dream.  First you should know I live alone and normally have an active lifestyle.  But I have had an illness and an injury keep me on the sidelines lately.  Having to sit at home got me into a “down” state of mind.  It’s been hard for me to force myself up and out again after this setback even though I’m back to normal physically.

Last night I dreamed about a group of small children, 8 or 9 years old.  One boy broke loose from the group, ran to me and gave me a hug.  I could see him so clearly.  He had red hair and wore a pale blue sweater.  It was my son Don who died 10 years ago.  I could actually feel that hug!  That’s all there is to the dream, but I woke up crying and I’m still feeling very weepy.  I know this dream was a message from my son!  My first thought was he wanted me to know he loved me, and I should take better care of myself and be happy.  

Maybe you can give me some insight into the meaning of this dream that left me feeling so emotional when I woke up from it.

Signed,

Weeping When I Woke

Dear Weeping,

I’m so sorry you lost your son.  It’s easy to understand why his appearance in your dream brought such profound emotions.

There are two approaches to your dream.  First is the one you’ve already taken when you say, “I know this dream was a message from my son!  My first thought was he wanted me to know he loved me, and I should take better care of myself and be happy.”  For those of us who believe that our loved ones can communicate with us through the collective unconscious of our dreams, this is the simplest and most logical explanation.  Trust your instincts and accept the powerful message this interaction brings to you!  How wonderful to be hugged again, and to receive your son’s encouragement.

For those who find that literal approach too far-fetched to accept, there is another way to look at your dream:  Your son would be a metaphor for that part of yourself that has been active and healthy and happy, almost like an 8-year-old boy!  He embraces you in your dream, leaving you with a clear feeling of love and encouragement.  His state of mind is apparent in your reflections about yourself:  You know you’ve been down and need to get up again, just as he urges you to do.  Your dreaming self dips into your reflections and memories of your beloved son, an active and happy boy, and brings them to your consciousness, reminding you how important it is to be as he remembers you – active, happy, and healthy.  

The message is clear either way you look at it:  Take care of yourself!  Be happy!  There’s a lot to live for and enjoy!      

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Childhood Nightmare: Chased by a Lion!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I recently came across your column and really liked your dream interpretations.  I have a recurring dream from childhood that I’ve always wondered about.

I had this dream over and over again as a child.  So much so that I was afraid to go to bed!  In it, I am alone on a heavily-jungled island being chased by a lion.  The lion is right behind me and I am running as fast as I can and I am terrified!  Just before he gets me I scramble up a palm tree to safety.  But suddenly I am naked and everyone I know is standing at the bottom of the tree and laughing at me.    

FYI - as a child I had a bully of a brother who tormented and humiliated me.

Signed,

Never Forgot

Dear Never Forgot,

Thank you so much for your kind words.  My goal is to be helpful, always.

Your childhood dream is a dramatic version of a type of recurring dream common to children:  being chased and threatened by a monster.  Children seem to know inherently that they are dependent upon those who are larger and stronger.  This in itself can hold an element of fear.  Being beholden to those who could harm you if they chose to doesn't lend itself to comfort!

World-renowned authority on sleep and dreaming Ernest Hartmann, M.D., puts it this way:

“…Every…child who is just developing the cognitive structure to realize…who’s safe and who’s unsafe or unpredictable, and to realize how relatively powerful all adults are, is bound to have some of this sense of vulnerability…Nightmares of being chased or attacked by monsters or strange animals are extremely common among the dreams of children.”

Your dream incorporates the added element of your daytime reality with a brutal brother!  So sorry you had to endure that! 

The fact that in your dream you are alone on an island intensifies your anxiety and sense of isolation.  Maybe in waking life you didn’t feel like you could tell your parents about your predicament for fear of their reaction.  Did they dismiss your nightmares or laugh at the images?  Your dream speaks to this by showing that even though you were able to escape to safety each time in the dream, all your fears and frailties are made known to others, exposed by your nakedness in the dream.  And they didn’t come to your assistance!  It just makes it doubly distressing and hurtful, doesn't it?  Children and adults prefer to suffer their insecurities in private.

What a powerful and fearsome set of images - still alive so many years later!  I'm sure you're glad to leave that dream behind! 

Such experiences are important to note for your own children now who may naturally experience similar fears.  Listen to the little ones, Dear Dreamer.  Their dreams are real to them.  Better to train them and rehearse with them how to deal with such fears, real or imagined. 

Do you remember your childhood nightmares?  Have you helped your own child after s/he had a scary dream?  I'd love to hear from you!

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

That Old Feeling Comes Up in Dreams

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I have been married 15 years and love my wife.  Rarely does a day go by where I don't realize how lucky I am.  However, while dating our relationship was very rocky and she dumped me three times!  

Here is my recurring dream which I have had repeatedly over the last 15 years:  In my dream my wife is leaving me.  I am devastated.  I am pleading with her to stay.  I yell, cry, beg, and cajole her, but it makes no difference.  Not only is she leaving but also she is completely apathetic to me!  Not even angry, she’s just matter of fact, packing and leaving.  In some versions of the dream she is leaving to another man who is ALWAYS younger and way cooler than me.

P. S.  My wife likes it when I have this dream because I wake up and am usually super good to her that day!

Signed,

Repeating in Benicia

Dear Repeating,

Your humor in relating your dream is refreshing.  No wonder you've had 15 happy years of marriage!

You have an opportunity to gain even more insight into your recurring dream if you're inclined to take a couple of steps to flesh it out.  Next time you wake up realizing you've had it again, make note of it.  Then, review the events of the last few days and make note of them too.  Repeat this when the dream recurs a second time.  It won't take more than two or three repetitions before you see the pattern of the dream's appearance.  These repeaters are almost always tied to certain circumstances or states of mind in our waking lives.

Chances are excellent that something in your waking life is triggering "that old feeling" of insecurity that you experienced before you and your wife made the commitment to be married. 

Now it may be as simple as that.  But don't rule out the possibility that something other than your relationship is the trigger for this dream.  Look around for anything in your waking life that prompts similar feelings of fear and desperation.  It could be something at work (a younger, cooler guy challenging you there), or in your neighborhood or extended family that pushes that button in you.  If so, the feelings are similar to those you felt "back in the day" and your dream acts as a metaphor for that.  Our dreams are particularly powerful in their ability to draw parallels between divergent situations and their attendant emotions.  Your dream may be showing you such similarities.

A question worth considering is whether the begging and pleading are what earned your ultimate success in winning your wife's hand.  Or, perhaps, as in your dream, those actions left her cold.  If that rings true, try to recall the shift in your thinking and behavior that made the difference back then, and apply them to your new situation now.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

Are You Flying in Your Dreams?

Dearest Dreamers,

If you take the time to understand them, you can’t help benefitting from the insights your dreams offer you.  So closely tied to our waking lives, and operating from a perspective neutral to our daily turmoil, dreams provide insights into our personalities and the paths we travel through life.  If we learn the beautiful, metaphorical language of dreams, we soon know ourselves and are more able to be true to ourselves.  Here is a case in point:

You may recognize the name of Amy Tan, an Oakland native, and bestselling author of The Joy Luck Club and The Kitchen God’s Wife.

In an interview published in Writers Dreaming by Naomi Epel, Ms. Tan speaks about the value of her dreams in her life:

“Fifteen years ago I realized how important dreams were in my life.  They weren’t just flotsam and jetsam, I could actually change the way that I felt about myself through dreams.”  She goes on to relate that her most significant dreams came to her shortly after her friend Pete died.  She tells of a vivid and emotional dream experience:

“One night I entered into a dream and Pete was there.  He said, ‘I want to take you to this place where I live…’  It was a wonderful idyllic setting with a lot of creatures flying around:  elephants, camels, people.  I said, ‘I’d like to try flying myself.’

“Pete said, ‘Sure, but since you’re not dead, you have to go over to that booth there and rent some wings.  They’re only a quarter.’

“I went and rented the wings.  I took off, and I was flying around with all the other people, having a wonderful time.  All of a sudden, I realized, ‘This is ridiculous.  How can I fly with these twenty-five-cent wings?’ 

“Immediately I started to fall.  I was terrified I was going to die.  Then I thought, ‘Wait a minute, I was just flying a minute ago,’ and I started flying again.  I went back and forth with this – falling and flying, falling and flying – until it finally dawned on me what this was about.  I said to myself:  ‘It is not these wings that enable you to fly, it’s your own confidence.’”

Ms. Tan then shared the epiphany her dream brought to her:  “I realized there were many things in my life that I was not allowing myself to do because I lacked the confidence.  I needed the props.  I could see all the props I’d been using, and they were just like those twenty-five-cent wings.  I could see how ridiculous it was.

“Even though it was a dream, I felt it on a gut level of experience – the fear of failing, falling, and the elation of flying…Without the dream, it probably would have taken me much longer to come to such a simple realization about myself.”

Don’t discount the power of your dreams to be transformative in your life!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamers!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Big Old Car ~ Big Old Body

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve been friends with “Jane” for many years.  We’ve been through a lot together and even think of each other as sisters.  We’ve been on a weight loss program for a while now.  Nothing fancy, just eat less, and move more.  We’ve had mixed results.  But lately, I’ve been more successful than Jane has, and I worry a little bit about leaving her behind.  We always try to help each other, but it’s starting to feel like she wants to give up.

I dreamed that Jane was driving my last car, an older Jeep Grand Cherokee.  The Jeep was big and bulky and not very pretty.  But it was a good car for me and I loved it.  In the dream Jane was young and attractive at the wheel.  Other drivers took note when she passed.

Jane had lost a lot of weight and dyed her hair back to its natural red.  She looked young again and terrific in a green dress that showed off her slender waistline.  I was extremely excited and happy for her.  I kept repeating every appreciative or encouraging thing I could think of.  But she didn’t believe me.  No matter how many times I said the right things, I couldn’t convince her that she looked good or that things were good for her now.  No one could see her while she was in that old car.

Signed,

Worried About Jane

Dear Worried,

Your dream most likely relates as much to your work at regaining a healthy, slender self as it does to your desire to help your friend.  You are working hard to lose weight.  One of your goals is to regain your beautiful slender waistline and silhouette.  You are beginning to realize your goals; and you’re pulling away from your friend as you become more successful.  This is not a comfortable feeling for either of you, and your dream reflects that discomfort.  No matter how many times you say the right things to her, or to yourself, you cannot convince yourself that things are good now. 

Your dream may be dealing with a part of yourself that is like your friend.  You both need to be encouraged and must believe in the process.  Your system is foolproof --- eat less, move more.  It will work.  If you stick to it, you will reach your goals whether she does or not.  Like Jane in the dream you must believe what you’re saying:  that you look good (or will); that you will be slender again. 

In your dream, a young attractive you/Jane is operating a bigger, heavier, older, less attractive vehicle.  In spite of the fact that she is/you are turning heads now, you just don’t believe it!  You/She only sees herself in the older, heavier body.  These are common pitfalls for folks in your position.  You must not let your doubts or your concern for Jane’s state of mind hold you back and weigh you down!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com