Give dead dad a second chance

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My dad passed away in 1995, just after his 48th birthday.  He was an absent parent, alcoholic, and a pathological liar.  But in spite of all that, everyone liked him and thought he was nice!  I think he had a depression problem, but that was not really something that was discussed freely at the time.  He was very talented:  He flew airplanes; he could draw, write and play the guitar.  However, as far as being a father goes, he was not a role model, that is for sure!  If he taught me anything, it was that I did not want to be like him.  He was more of a negative in my life.  I believe he loved me the best he could and I accepted that.  I think it baffled him though.  Obviously, we were not close, and he had no real effect of on my life.  So I’m completely unclear as to why he appeared in my dream.

In this dream, I am walking around a place like Fisherman’s Wharf.  It is not Fisherman’s Wharf but it is crowded and narrow like FW with outside vendors.  I am with my dad.  He wants to introduce me to all my dead relatives.  I don’t want to and he says, “Can’t you ever do what you are asked?”  I go to where there are a lot of people.  But then the dream ends!

Can you help me understand this?

Signed,

What’s HE doing in my dream?

 

Dear What’s,

Methinks thou dost protest too much!  You spend a lot of time explaining that your father was not an influence on you, but your dream suggests, at the very least, that he could be.  Of course, this would require a look back from your adult perspective and a healthy dose of forgiveness.

Beginning with the setting, you find yourself walking with your father in a place like Fisherman’s Wharf, lively and colorful, with vendors set up to sell.  As you know, fishermen pull treasures up from the depths, and your dream puts you in just the place where you might ‘catch’ a prize from a re-exploration of your relationship with your father.  Like the vendors, perhaps he’s trying to sell you idea about yourself:  a connection to your past, those dead relatives he wants you to meet.  He’s frustrated when you don’t want to follow his directions, or be like him.  Could you use one of his positive qualities in your waking life, Dear Dreamer?

You have the option of tapping into the constructive qualities and aptitudes that your dad displayed.  In your dream, he tries to introduce them to you – your dead relatives - those things dormant in you that stem from your heritage.  You may have learned that you don’t want to take on his negative qualities, the depression, the alcoholism, the mendacity.  But what about the charisma and talents that he also embodied?  Your dream suggests you have them too, if you’ll only stop resisting.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD