Gruesome But True

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I do love my cats, but I don’t think of myself as a “Crazy Cat Lady.”  Really!  I love the dogs, too!  I’m an animal lover, and the pets are part of our family.  But I suppose I would have to say that I feel more in harmony with the cats.  I understand cats and their behavior. 

Some people are put off by cats because they don’t understand them.  They can even be offended by a cat just being a cat.  Why get mad at nature?  So you can imagine why I was especially upset to have such a horrible dream as this one:

I dreamed that Missy, my sweet Maltese kitty, was cut completely in half.  It seemed like one last vein or one last section of her skin was all that connected the severed halves of her body.  It was stretched to the limit, almost to the point of snapping.  In spite of this, Missy pulled herself along with her front legs, acting as if everything was OK.  But I could see she would surely die.

Why in the world would I ever dream something so gruesome would happen to a cat that I love so much?  I would never hurt her!  What could this dream mean?  

Signed,

Crazy Cat Lady

 

Dear Cat Lady,

You are among the ranks of millions of people who love their pets dearly.  In addition, you are among the millions who sometimes have graphic dreams that are upsetting and frightening because they seem to come out of nowhere.  It seems such a dream can’t possibly speak for you or about you.  But of course, it does.

In fact, in your dream, you didn’t hurt your cat.  You found her already injured.  She was hurt in a very specific way.  Her upper body was almost completely separated from her lower body.  You could say that her head was detached from her heart, or her guts. 

Sorry to be so explicit, but your dream pulls no punches.  It says rather bluntly that you, Dear Dreamer, are the one who’s disconnected from her gut feelings.  You are dragging yourself along acting as though everything’s OK.  This charade disregards the obvious fact that you cannot go on this way.  Your dream shows that without question you’re “stretched to the limit, to the point of snapping.” 

On some level you know that if you continue, you will surely die.  I wouldn’t take that as a literal, physical death, Dear Dreamer.  But your dream suggests that somewhere in your waking life, you are ignoring what you know in your gut to be true – you’re pretending that life can go on as it is.

Look around yourself, Dear Dreamer.  Does someone seem put off by you because s/he doesn’t understand your nature?  Only by denying the truth, your own gut feelings, can you continue in a relationship that rejects you for being yourself.  Not a healthy way to live!

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Dreams don't tell white lies

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I can’t imagine why I would dream of a girl I knew so long ago.  I’ll call her Carla.  And back when I knew her in junior high school, I didn’t like her that much.  She hung around on the edge of my circle of friends.  She was so insecure that she was annoying, always looking for approval.  I haven’t thought of her in years!

But in my dream I’m talking to Carla in the present.  I notice that she is wearing a wedding ring set exactly like mine.  Mine seems to be newer and shinier than hers is, but otherwise, they’re identical.  We comment on the coincidence, and then she takes out a picture of her husband.  They’re newlyweds and Carla seems very proud and happy.  The photo is of a man with long wavy dark hair parted in the middle.  He has a ‘wandering’ eye that looks off to one side.  One leg of his jeans is cut away to reveal an unhealthy leg; it’s thin, pale and weak looking.  I think I knew this guy at my old job!  He was an oddball and very self-conscious of his appearance.  I’m surprised by the way he looks; but to be polite I tell her he was a nice guy.

How weird!  I never really knew anyone like the guy in her picture.  Why would Carla show up after all this time?  And why would I have someone like her husband in my dream?

Signed,

Back in Junior High School

Dear Junior High,

Appearances play a large role in your dream just as they do for adolescents in junior high school.  Your dream infers this superficial approach to things may be in play in your waking life. 

For example, you say your rings look better than Carla’s do, but in fact the rings are identical.  Her husband’s appearance is surprising and even unpleasant to you, but you put a nice face on your feelings instead of sharing your true thoughts with her. 

What is it in your waking life that parallels this, Dear Dreamer?  Your dream implies that you may be turning away from something disagreeable; telling yourself on the surface it’s really OK to avoid acknowledging the facts at hand. 

I can’t help wondering if you also are a newlywed.  Or perhaps you’re in a brand new relationship of some kind that has you feeling unsure of yourself, maybe even annoyingly so, like your old ‘friend’ Carla.  Have you recently committed to a circumstance that you’re now second-guessing?  Your dream suggests this with the appearance of Carla and your identical rings. 

You tell Carla the white lie that her husband was a nice guy when you actually think of him in an unflattering way – as an unappealing ‘oddball.’  Your dream suggests that you may be lying to yourself in the same way.  Tell yourself the truth, Dear Dreamer!  Ignoring the facts before you can only delay the inevitable.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Caught between two lovers!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I’ve changed the names in this dream in case my new boyfriend happens to read your column.  I don’t want to make things any worse than they are! 

I’m in a relationship now with Frank, and I’m pretty sure he’s the one for me.  But when we first got together he kept bugging me with questions, so I gave in and made the mistake of telling him about my ex, Jim.  Now Frank seems preoccupied with my past, and I’m beginning to wonder about the whole deal! 

Then last night I dreamed that I was sleeping in bed and Jim, my ex, was sleeping next to me.  I turned over to find that Frank was sleeping next to me on the other side!  After turning back and forth I was really worried about what to do.

So I woke Jim up to get him to slip out before Frank wakes up and discovers him.  But Frank does wake up and begins complaining about Jim being there!  I am very upset and afraid that Frank’s going to start a fistfight with Jim (something he’d never really do because Jim is much bigger and stronger).  That’s when I woke up feeling very upset. 

This dream’s trying to tell me something, but I don’t know what! 

Signed,

Caught Between Two Lovers

Dear Caught,

While our dreams are often metaphorical and confusing, speaking to us with complex images and bizarre activities, they sometimes just tell it like it is! 

Your dream seems to fall into the latter category, stating in very direct terms the dilemma you face:  In effect, you’ve taken your ex, Jim, to bed with you and Frank by talking about him in too much detail.  Now Frank is worried about comparisons between himself and Jim.  He brought them upon himself of course, with his relentless questions.  And perhaps his insecurities prompted you to turn and have another look at Jim yourself. 

It’s interesting to think that Frank may have inadvertently created the very circumstance he dreads ~ he bugged you with so many questions about Jim that you began thinking of Jim and making the very comparisons Frank hoped to avoid.  Your dream reflects this with your turning back and forth between them.

You say that if it came to a physical showdown Jim would win.  Perhaps he’d win in any case.  You don’t mention if Jim is still on the periphery of your life, but it doesn’t matter.  You say you’re only ‘pretty sure’ Frank’s the one for you.  And your dream confirms your mind’s not made up in favor of either of these two men.  After all, you don’t order Jim out of the room, you tell him to slip out as though to protect him.  You even protect yourself a bit since you don’t want Frank to know Jim’s there. 

Don’t make commitments when you’re on soft ground, Dear Dreamer!  Starting a new relationship before the old one’s finished creates strange bedfellows.

Sweet Dreams to You!

A Horse in the Refrigerator!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I had a jumble of dreams with only one thing that stands out well enough to remember, and it’s the same dream I’ve had so many times! 

There’s a vivid image of a broken down nag of a horse standing and looking into my refrigerator!  It makes me mad to see him there, so I kick him in the rear, thinking I’ll get him to move.  But when I do this, he falls head first into the fridge.  Then he turns around and comes out just the way you’d expect a horse to come out of a fridge - clumsy, awkward and making a big mess.  He just stood there and looked at me.  I knew he was hungry. 

Then he gave me a beautiful, expensive ring!  I loved it, but knew I couldn’t afford it.  I was afraid to take it off though, because I knew then I would have to pay the price!

I have some weird dreams, but this might be the weirdest!  Why do you suppose it keeps coming back?

Signed,

Amused and Confused

Dear Amused,

The weird and incongruous images in our dreams are rich in metaphor.  Just as you say, they can be amusing even while they’re confusing.  But think for a moment about a “broken down nag of a horse.”  If you saw one in a pasture, you might say he’s past his prime.  He’s unable to run and play, enjoy life or perform the duties he was meant to do.  It’s a sad sight.  But not if he’s in your kitchen doing the things a nag does – eating and complaining.  I’m guessing this reminds you of someone you know.  Someone you support!

When you attempt to motivate him with a swift kick in the butt, he just gets worse.  He turns around and comes right back and makes a big mess in the process.  You’ve been through this before.  It probably feels very familiar.

And it’s likely that this drain on your resources has distracted you more than once with impressive gifts that you wound up paying for.  Why else would your dreaming self be concerned with the expense of the ‘gift’? 

You say whatever the price is, you’ll have to pay it when you take off the ring.  Maybe that’s why you have repeated this scenario so many times in your waking life!  You feel frustration and anger, but when it comes to removing the ring, you hesitate.  After all, you love it/him.  And you seem to feel a bit of guilt as well in your dream when you waiver saying you could tell the horse was hungry.

Many a person is caught up in repetitive, self-defeating circumstances in the name of love, Dear Dreamer.  Your dream suggests you must decide whether to continue repeating the drama as it plays out; or, to take off the ring and break the spell.  Both scenarios have their price, the least of which is a recurring dream.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

You don't have to understand your dreams to love them!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I tend to dream frequently.  I often find my dreams so bizarre that they are funny and entertaining to me.  

I'm not curious about what they might mean, but I am curious as to why it is so difficult to remember most of them for more than just a few minutes after waking up.  Occasionally I can remember one throughout the day; but most seem to vanish from my memory by the time I finish my morning shower.  

I'm also interested in knowing how long a typical dream lasts?  Some seem to last for hours, but I've heard that they really only last a few seconds.  I find that really hard to imagine.

Thanks,

David in Tennessee 

Dear David,

We each dream every night, so I’m not surprised to hear you say you dream often.  Those who say they don’t dream, or dream only now and then most likely aren’t remembering their nightly journeys.  In fact, some research suggests that if a person is deprived of his REM sleep, some of that peculiar dream-like behavior or perception can spill into his waking life!

I agree!  Dreams can seem so bizarre that they are entertaining and funny.  Our dreams’ composite images and unusual juxtaposition of elements make them intriguing and irresistible.  No wonder dreams have captivated mankind for millennia!  There's value in nighttime entertainment!

Regarding forgetting your dreams so quickly, dream researchers say that during REM sleep, we experience a sort of paralysis ~ our muscles are locked.  Some suggest we retain muscle memory of a dream's content.  So, when we wake and begin to stir, we start a process that can help erase those tenuously stored memories. 

One strategy for holding onto your evening's comedy show is to lie still for a few moments when you first wake.  It’s a little more difficult than you might think to resist the urge to stretch and reposition yourself!  But close your eyes again and hold your thoughts of the upcoming day at a distance.  Take just a moment to review the memories of your dreams before you begin the process of re-entering your waking world. 

Of course, if you were to jot down even a phrase or two, you'd encourage your Dreaming Self to hang with you a little longer.

Regarding the length of a 'typical' dream, it's harder to say, but the REM cycle is part of a cycle of sleep that lasts roughly 90 minutes.  So, while a dream may seem to last for hours, it's likely that our dreams' defiance of the laws of physics and time, along with their wholly engrossing nature, create that sensation. 

You might enjoy exploring the world of lucid dreams.  Current research and discussion of lucid dreaming by Robert Waggoner in his book Lucid Dreaming:  Gateway to the Inner Self; and Stephen La Berge’s body of work offer the history and how-to’s of this fascinating element of dreaming.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com