Can't Save My Daughter

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

Our daughter is a wonderful girl who fell in with a bad crowd.  She began doing hard drugs and got addicted.  All the bad things that you can imagine followed:  she lived in squalor, stole to support her habit, went in and out of rehab facilities, even went to jail.  We’ve paid for the rehab and lawyers, bought her food, clothes, everything.  Our hearts have been broken and since she’s an adult, now 27 years old, there is less and less we can do when she’s in trouble – she refuses to come home and live with us. 

She’s out of jail now and sober, but we cannot relax and feel like this is the time she’ll finally rise out of her problems.  If we miss our regular phone conversation with her, we start thinking the worst right away.

We are now one week past our normal phone call/check in, and I had three short, terrible dreams:

First, she’s in a mud pit, or some kind of quick sand.  I cannot get to her and help her.  She keeps rising to the top, gasping for air, and going back under.

Second, we’re in a strange house, almost like a hoarder’s house – all stacked up with junk and clutter.  There’s a piece of bread in a weird toaster and it’s burning.  I can smell the smoke.  When she opens the toaster, the bread is black and ruined.

Third, in the same house, the same heaped up terribly disorganized kitchen, an egg is frying in a skillet, but it has a huge yolk, almost like a tennis ball, and it’s red like it’s filled with blood.  The fire is up too high, and I’m searching for a spatula in the mess, hoping to turn the egg, or get it out of the pan before it’s too late.

Needless to say, these three dreams have me frantic with worry.  What should I do?

Signed,

Helpless Parent

Dear Parent,

You may have heard me say - your dreams are your dreams.  They come from you and are about you and your feelings.   

The terrible images in your dreams provide metaphors that you may have used in describing your daughter:  she’s drowning in drugs and you can’t get to her; her brain is burnt up; it’s toast; she’s fried her brain.  It’s significant in each scenario that you want to help, but cannot.  You acknowledged it yourself, she’s an adult now. 

As you alluded to in your comments, in these extremely sad cases, most if not all the work of recovery must be done by the addict.  You dreams play that out in stark images for a loving and frightened parent.  You feel helpless.

But there is something you can do:  Take care of yourself.  Seek out a support group for parents in similar circumstances.  You are not alone.  Your daughter is lucky to have you.  Be sure she does.

Best Wishes and Sweeter Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com       

Mom Becomes a Vampire!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My father passed away just over two years ago, and my mother has been on a downward slide since then.  She has become frailer, and occasionally she seems confused.  But the thing is, sometimes I get the feeling she just wants to be that way.  She doesn’t want to take care of herself or even be active in her own life since Dad’s gone.

I have three strong brothers and we all live close by, but it seems like whenever Mom needs something, I’m the one who gets the call.  We’ve always been close and I actually love doing things for her and helping her, so I don’t want to complain, and this dream really shocked me:

Something wakes me up and I realize I was sleeping in my Mom’s bed in Mom and Dad’s house.  I have that creepy feeling that I’m being watched and sure enough, when I look toward the foot of the bed, Mom is standing there, just staring at me.

Suddenly she raises her arms like wings and kind of hisses at me!  She looks horrifying with long sharp teeth and evil eyes!  I am frozen with fear.  Then I really do wake up!

Why would I have such a terrible nightmare?

Signed,

Scared of My Own Mom!

Dear Scared,

Our Dreaming Selves can certainly choose some dramatic images to make a point!  In this case, I can’t think of a more explicit picture to express your very normal worries in a scenario that is playing itself out in this stage your life.  Children do become the caretakers of their parents.  No matter how you feel about your mom, the hard truth is that caring for a needy adult is difficult… and “draining.”

Maybe you’d call it a corny kind of pun, but what better method for illustrating this circumstance than having your mom transform into a vampire, one who drains your energy, your life’s blood.  Even in the best of situations, what you’re doing is taxing.

You didn’t mention your brothers being in the dream, and it’s notable since you all grew up in the house where the dream takes place.  Yet, they’re absent, just as in your waking life.  While you all are close enough to lend a hand, they don’t offer to pitch in, and you don’t ask them to.  Your Dreaming Self shows you alone with your mom, facing her and what she becomes, without support or assistance.

Your dream suggests an outcome that you’re already feeling on some level – caring for her alone may be too much.  You could come to dread the encounters and to be exhausted by the demands.  You mentioned that your brothers are all strong.  Go to them Dear Dreamer.  Work out a system of sharing the weight so that all can feel good about their contributions, and all can maintain a loving attitude toward your mom and each other.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Wolf in Sherpa's Clothing

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I had an emotionally abusive marriage and acrimonious divorce more than twenty years ago.  I feel certain that my association with such a destructive and controlling man kept me from flourishing for too many years.  I have not dreamed about my ex-husband even once since then.  I have been grateful for this because I don’t want to relive such painful memories.  Once free of his negative and discouraging influence, I built a happy and successful life.  So I was completely dismayed to wake up this morning from a dream in which my ex-husband played a prominent role!

My dream:  I was in a long, narrow restaurant with two rows of single file tables and an aisle down the middle.  The restaurant was diner-like, casual with windows on the right.  I was in a hurry....in a rush to sit down, but I couldn't find an empty chair.  Then I saw my ex-husband just standing right in the middle of the aisle.  He was dressed in outdoor hiking gear with a funny, Asian hat on his head.  He looked like one of those guides in the Himalayas!  But he just stood there in the middle of the aisle, looking off to the side and I know he didn't see me.  

This dream has me feeling extremely anxious!  Please don’t tell me I’m going to run into him!

Signed,

Do NOT Want to See My Ex!

Dear Do NOT,

Our Dreaming Selves have a knack for choosing perfect images, packed with meaning and emotion.  Dream images are often filled with passionate feelings and are surely worth the proverbial 1000 words.  It makes them hard to ignore, and you should not ignore this one.  It employs a powerful combination of a familiar and dreaded person with novel, unmistakable clothing.

By dressing such a despicable person in such benign and even appealing garb, your dream suggests you must consider someone (or something) in your waking life with extreme caution.  On first sight, you might trust him, even seek his guidance.  He looks like a Sherpa, after all. 

But you have encountered a “wolf (symbolized by your ex, a very bad guy) in Sherpa’s clothing,” and he’s blocking your path.  This person may be especially deceptive as he cloaks himself in the guise of someone you can rely upon, someone who will guide you.  He appears to be unconcerned with you as he looks to the side, but do not let your guard down.  He can easily throw off his disguise and show his true self. 

Does this dream image mean you‘re likely to run into your ex?  No.  But if you do, you can be sure he is unchanged no matter how he may present himself to you.  More likely your dream chose him to represent a person or circumstance in your current waking life that you cannot and should not trust.  Do not be fooled by his outer appearance!

Beware Dear Dreamer!  And Sweeter Dreams to you, next time!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com

Greetings Dreamers from Around the World!

Hello Dreamers in Russia, the United Kingdom, and Germany!

Thanks so much for reading Send Me Your Dreams! 

I look forward to hearing from you!

Advice from the Other Side

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My father passed away 2 1/2 years ago.  We were very close and his death came too early.  I felt heartache like I've never felt before.  My grandmother, his mother, passed away the year before.  I was also very close to her.  I miss them so much.  My other grandmother, my mom's mom, was an angry woman who wasn't exactly the typical warm and fuzzy grandmother.  She passed away ten years ago from a brain tumor.  I loved her, but just didn't bond with her. 

A month after my father died, I reconnected with an old childhood friend, David, on Face Book.  We have been dating since then.  Now here's the dream:  I was walking into a community pool area.  I walked through a gate and was greeted by my mom's mom, Nana.  She hugged me wasn't angry anymore.  I felt a lot of love coming from her.  I thought to myself, "This is who Nana really is."

Then I was greeted by my MamMaw.  She hugged me and we "talked," but it was telepathically.  The understanding of this "talking" was more of a feeling. 

My father was there too.  He was sitting on a lounge chair.  We didn't hug or anything, but I remember thinking, "That's Dad!  Just chilling out."  I had one question for them all and it was, "What do you think about David?"  They all "said" yes, as if they all approved.  And that was it.  That was the end of the dream. 

Do you believe loved ones who have passed can visit us in our dreams?  What do you make of this dream?

 Signed,

Missing My Loved Ones

Dear Missing,

Thanks for sharing your dream with me!  Having the background makes understanding much faster and easier.

Regular readers of SMYD will know the name of Carl Jung, a renowned psychologist.  He theorized that all human spirit or psyche is connected in what he calls the "collective unconscious."  There we can access each other and make meaningful connections on levels not always possible in waking consciousness.

 Your dream seems to allude to this possibility, first of all with the "community pool."  What a great metaphor for collective unconscious:  a pool accessible to the community of spirit/mind/unconscious energy.

So yes, I do believe that dreams such as yours can be understood literally.  You had the beautiful and reaffirming experience of connecting with your loved ones at the community pool!  The communications you engaged in with them can be taken at face value:  Nana has released her anger and expresses her love for you (finally); your MamMaw still feels close and expresses her love with a hug; your Dad is happy and chilling out, just as you remember him.  And maybe most affirming:  They all agree that David's a good guy.  Lovely.

Now, there are less "far out" ways to look at your dream, for anyone who's uncomfortable with what I've just said.  But, the bottom line would be the same:  Those parts of your loved ones still alive in you confirm what you want to know:  David is a "yes."

 Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com