Does this dream predict death?

Dreams of death can be unsettling.  The good news is that in the language of dreams, death represents letting go of the old self to make way for the new self – a necessary step in personal growth.  Today’s dreamer offers an example.

Dear Carolyn,

I am worried about a strange dream I had a few weeks ago.  It is on my mind all the time and I would like to know what it means.

In my dream there was my daughter, myself and another person.  I could only see the back of the other person’s head and she had a long scarf draped around, obscuring her identity.  Her back was to me and she was standing just off to the side of us. 

I asked this person what my daughter’s birthday was and I expected to hear May 2^nd, 1990, which is her birthday.  But instead of that date, this person said, “March 9^th – death.”

I was shocked and asked again.  Again, this person said in a loud voice, “March 9^th – death.”

I woke up then very shaken up and had to walk around the house a while to calm down, but the dream stays on my mind all the time.  My daughter and I are extremely close, more like friends than mother and daughter.  She says she’s ready to move out on her own, but since March 9^th is getting closer, I am afraid to let her go.  I’m scared the dream means that she will die on that date. 

Signed,

Afraid for My Daughter

Dear Afraid,

Dreams of death can be frightening, especially when they seem to refer to our loved ones.  Keep in mind the language of dreams is metaphor.  In your dream, one word – death – is used to convey a complex idea or scenario. 

You mention that you and your daughter are unusually close.  This suggests that your daughter most likely represents a part of yourself that is ready to change or needs to change.  That deeper part of you delivering the message is obscured, but persistent.  Perhaps you prevent yourself from hearing the message straight on.  So it comes from behind the veil, off to the side, but is louder and more insistent than you can admit.

Your daughter’s desire to move indicates that she’s ready to make the break – the normal separation of parent and child.  In that sense, your dream speaks to the change in her, the death of her child-like self making way for the young adult she has become.  It also speaks to your fear of letting her grow up and leave you behind – a death of your “friendship.” 

Your dream signals the transformation you must make.  By repeating, your dream insists that phase of your life is coming to an end.  You must give up the girlish view of yourself, Dear Dreamer.  It’s time for both of you to grow up and move on to the next chapters of your lives.  Look forward to a fresh, reborn relationship with your adult child.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dreams draw from deep sources

In the 1985 film “Back to the Future,” Michael J. Fox plays a character who has the delightful and eye-opening opportunity to see the “past lives” of his parents and how they affected their current circumstances.  In the 2014 film “Interstellar,” Matthew McConaughey’s character finds himself in a cosmic storehouse that seems to have past and present events occurring simultaneously.  If these seem like “only science fiction” to you, consider the experience of today’s dreamer.

Dear SMYD,

Work is killing me!  My workload is way too heavy and requires so much overtime.  Even when I don’t want to stay, my boss knows just which buttons to push to keep there after hours.  Truth is, I feel guilty when I think of changing jobs and leaving him alone.  Also, there’s a lot more I can accomplish there if I stay. 

Now, I’m even dreaming about work!  But this dream is different from the “average” dream!

I’m in a forced labor factory back in the times of Charles Dickens.  Everything is dark and dank and full of drudgery.  Somehow I’m myself, but I am different too – the father of a young boy who also is working under these unsavory conditions. 

I know I can get out and start a new life, but as I slip away, the boy looks at me and I am riddled with guilt.  I try to get him to go with me, but he refuses.  Now he’s loyal to the slave-driver who runs the place and “cares for” him.  He has turned my boy against me.

I wake up frustrated and beaten down with guilt.

Signed,

Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t

Dear Damned,

Your dream has all the markings of what some call re-incarnational dreams.  The setting is of a time gone by and a place far-distant from your current locale.  You experience the dream from the viewpoint and even the body of some else, someone who is not necessarily the same age, sex or race as you are in waking life. 

But, if those ideas are too far-fetched for you, consider renowned psychologist Carl Jung’s description of the collectiveunconscious – a vast storehouse of information from the past, present and future.

Both schools of thought tell us that the wealth of knowledge gained from the experiences of those who lived before us is available to us in the present.

In either case, or if we look at this as a more routine dream with odd-seeming people and places, the message is the same:  Misplaced loyalty dooms the young boy – you – to trudge along in unsavory circumstances. 

The person who pushes your buttons and claims to care for you holds you in deadlock in your dream and in your waking circumstances.  He uses an exploitative promise of security and well-being to draw you back into the trap; he pulls at your heartstrings rather than by improving the circumstances to benefit you both.

Take care of yourself Dear Dreamer.  Fagin is not on your side.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Sex isn't always sex

Many of us have dreams about sexual encounters that we would never imagine, or even want, in our waking lives.  So where do these dreams come from and what do they mean?  The people, setting, relationships, appropriateness and emotions of such dreams are all clues.

Dear SMYD,

I am a more than a little embarrassed to send this dream to you, but I really want to know what it is about:

I dreamed I was trying to make love to my supervisorat work!  Every time I had him in my arms or near a bed, we would be interrupted or he was distracted or even disappeared.  The dream was upsetting and frustrating to experience.

When I woke up, I felt confused because as much as I admire and respect this man, it has never occurred to me to have a sexual relationship with him.  For one thing, we’re both married to other people.  But even if we weren’t, he’s 30 years older than I am!  He is patient and kind, full of wisdom and humor – all things I admire.  But I am not attracted to him in “that way.”

If I think of this dream at work, I can barely look my boss in the eye!

Signed,

Embarrassed by My Own Dream

Dear Embarrassed,

A good place to start with your dream will be to recognize your supervisor not as himself but as a representative of the qualities you admire in him and want for yourself.  That might help you move past the embarrassment!  You mention several qualities you respect and admire in your boss – kindness, patience, wisdom and humor.  Are these qualities that you find yourself lacking in some cases, at work or at home? 

From there, think of the purpose or function of actions or objects in your dreams.  Most notably, making love:  Among other things, the act of love-making satisfies a yearning to integrate or become one with someone, or as in your dream, with the things that someone represents.   You want to become one with the qualities he represents.

In your dream, you and your boss are interrupted or distracted; he even disappears on occasion.  This could be indicative of your failed efforts to show patience or kindness when it is most needed.  Where in your life do you find yourself paying only superficial attention, or losing your patience with those around you?

Your dream includes your boss, but is it set at work or at home?  The setting of your dream can be key in clarifying where you need to / hope to improve.

Maybe you allow stress or the details of less important things to draw your attention away from key opportunities to be gentle with those you love.  Perhaps you’re not truly “present” for those around you, allowing distractions from elsewhere to intrude – too much time at work or too little recognition of the needs of your family. 

Be honest with yourself, Dear Dreamer.  Your dream brings you a persistent prompting to improve your relationships.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Rise to your dream's challenge!

Sometimes the simplest dreams, or the shortest ones, are ones we are likely to toss aside as “probably nothing.”  But to paraphrase the old axiom, the best messages can come in small dreams.  Even a dream containing only one image and no dialogue or interaction between dream characters can have a powerful impact on your waking life and attitude if you know how to respond to it.

Dear SMYD,

I don’t remember many dreams and don’t really have a lot of time to think about them.  This one has really stuck with me, even though there’s not much to it.  Anyway, I decided to ask you about it in case it means something.

I dreamed the stars were moving around in the sky.  In the dream, I just looked up to see that the stars were shifting their positions.  That was the whole dream.  What could such a short and simple, one picture dream, possibly mean?

Signed,

LAM

Dear LAM,

To understand your dream we must take it at face value.  So, for you, the stars are changing position.  Think of the expression, “The stars are aligned.”  It speaks to a positive change, doesn’t it?  

Your own choice of words is revealing:  You say you “just looked up” and saw that the stars were moving around in the sky.  How many times have you heard the expression, “Things are looking up!”?  It means the prognosis is optimistic.  Things are getting better.  In your dream, when you look up – have a more optimistic point of view – you can see that the stars are lining up for you.  Have you been one to focus on the down side of things, always playing it safe in case something bad happens?  In this little dynamo of a dream resides a strong positive message for you! 

But take note – yours is not a passive dream.  It shows you one of the most powerful laws of the universe at work:  Your mind, your attitude, creates you daily reality.  If you have had the habit of keeping your eyes downcast, you might never see the possibilities coming your way.  Most likely, you would even negate opportunities by dismissing their existence.  Your dream directs you to take the simple step of looking up, creating a positive attitude.  That in itself will set the stars in motion and create a more positive waking life for you.

If you have been one to wait-and-see, Dear Dreamer, or to assume the worst, take note:  Your dream says you must look up now.  That act of faith can be the catalyst for the change you luck you may have given up on. 

Your dream is not an oracle that arrives with THE WORD for you, the lowly dreamer.  It is a call to action.  You must respond to reap the rewards.  Your dream functions as a challenge saying, “Take a leap of faith.  Behave as if you know the stars are changing regardless of what you are facing on ground level.”

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream Interpretation - Dreams of the dying bring comfort

Right before dying, many people experience vivid and meaningful dreams, according to accounts across cultures and throughout history, as well as current research conducted among patients in hospice care.  

Dear SMYD, 

My grandmother passed away recently.  I got to spend a lot of time with her in her final weeks and enjoyed it so much.  We reminisced about her life and I got to know her in that short time better than I ever had before.

She told me about dreams she had as she got closer to the end.  Mostly they were about my granddad who passed away eight years ago.  She always seemed very happy when she told me about these experiences, like they were not “just dreams.” But she had an upsetting dream too, about the terrible car accident that she survived but killed her friend many years ago.

I know she is at peace now, but I can’t help wondering about dreams like hers.  Do elderly or dying people have different dreams from the rest of us?

Signed,

Grieving Granddaughter

Dear Grieving Granddaughter,

The time you spent with your grandmother before her passing will be yours to treasure forever.  How wonderful that you were so close.

A new study reported in American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care found that it is common for dying patients to dream of their family and friends who have gone before them.  They report that most of these dreams “bring about a sense of peace, a change in perspective or an acceptance of death.”  They conclude that “medical professionals should recognize dreams and visions as a positive part of the dying process.”

The study goes on to say that “…as patients approached death, they tended to transition from dreaming about living people to dreaming about the dead…The overarching theme that emerged from the study was that end-of-life dreams and visions are a source of comfort.”

Your grandmother’s dreams fit perfectly into the patterns found in the study.  It’s normal, perhaps even expected, that those approaching the end of their lives would begin to dream about deceased loved ones waiting for them on the other side.

As patients move toward death, they often have realistic and memorable dreams in one or more of six categories, according to the new study.  Your grandmother’s upsetting dream of the auto accident seems to fit Category #5.

1. Comforting presence: A loved one—often deceased but sometimes living—offers solace.

2. Preparing to go: Patients ready themselves for a journey.

3. Watching or engaging with the dead: Deceased friends and relatives play a significant role, which patients overwhelmingly reported as being comforting.

4. Loved ones waiting: Deceased friends often seem to be “waiting.”  

5. Distressing life experiences: Patients may revisit traumatic life experiences.

6. Unfinished business: A few patients report distressing dreams that center on fears of being unable to accomplish important tasks. 

Take comfort, Dear Dreamer.  Your grandmother’s dreams helped her make the transition to the next life.

Sweet Dreams to You!