My ex-wife keeps showing up in my dreams!

No need to feel guilty if you’re dreaming of an old flame.  Chances are she appears in your dream, not as herself, but as a metaphor for an emotion or circumstance you have in your life today.  Consider today’s example from a man whose ex-wife keeps showing up at night:

Dear SMYD,

I feel very uncomfortable when I have dreams about my ex-wife.  Don’t get me wrong.  She was a lot of fun and we had a good marriage – right up until it went very bad.  All I can say is that she changed from sunlight to darkness!  I was glad when it was over, and it did not end well.

Since then, I remarried and I am very happy.  My post-retirement “career” involves lots of travel and competition in regional, state and national events.  It’s a lot of laughs, but it’s also tiring to be “on” all the time, performing.  I love going, but more and more, at the end of each season I am very glad to get home and relax.

In my dream, my ex and I are together again.  I don’t remember too many details except that we are partying hard, just like in the old days.  But when I wake up, I have that bad old feeling like I did at the end of our marriage.  It just wasn’t fun anymore.

I love my wife and my life!  Why would I dream of my ex?

Signed,

Guilty

 

Dear Guilty,

It is possible that on some level, you’re still working through some old stuff from the confusing and emotional end to what had been a good marriage.  That would be a normal thing to do, and there’s no need to fight it, or to attach guilt to it.

Oftentimes though, our dreams work on multiple levels.  They may have some literal truth, as noted above, but it’s just as likely that your ex’s appearance is tied to current events that are parallel in emotion to the days when you were together with her.  What you learned and experienced then would apply now.

Think about your description of your post-retirement career:  You say it’s a lot of fun, the same way you describe the time you spent married to your ex.  But you also mention that the travel and the competition are tiring.  You can’t wait to get home and relax.  Seems that also could mirror the experience of the fun-times-gone-bad in your past relationship.  You might be experiencing shades of this change of emotion as you wind down and feel so glad to be home after all that frenzied activity.

Your dream offers an insight and suggests that your post-retirement career requires that you pace yourself, Dear Dreamer.  When you do decide to retire again, you want it to be with good old memories!  Otherwise, you might wind up at the end of the competitive season with that “bad old feeling” of burnout. 

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD