I Love Him, But...

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

My boyfriend and I have an on-again, off-again relationship.  We can get along really great; then something always goes wrong.  He lies to me, or cheats on me and we break up.  Then he comes back.  He apologizes and promises he’ll never do it again. 

We’ve been broken up a couple of weeks and he texted me.  I know he wants to get back together again. 

After that I dreamed I saw him walking up the sidewalk toward me.  He was smiling and swinging a gold chain, kind of boogying along.  He was wearing a fancy yellow suit and had a Mohawk haircut all bleached blonde.  Weird!  Not like him at all.  He looked almost like Buddy Love, the skinny guy Professor Klump turns into in the “Nutty Professor,” one of my favorite movies when I was a kid.

What’s this all about?  Should I call him and take him back?

Signed,

I Love Him, But…

Dear Love Him,

Your brilliant dream is using a favorite movie image to show you this young man’s true colors.

Just think of it:  In “The Nutty Professor,” Buddy Love looks good and is able, for a little while anyway, to hold the attention of Miss Purty (you).  But he’s really such a jerk that she quickly sees he’s not the man for her.

In your dream, your “boyfriend” appears in a flashy disguise, trying to dazzle you (again) into believing he’s someone, and something, he’s not.  You say it yourself:  it’s not like him at all.  You know what’s under the bling – an immature boy who still lies and cheats and thinks he can get away with it and still have you.  Here he comes believing he can fool you again.

Don’t fall for it Dear Dreamer!  You deserve better.

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Still Worried About My Mother

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I fell asleep thinking of my mother who died several years ago.  We had a good relationship, but I can’t help worrying about certain things I said to her and how I might have treated her better.  She died suddenly of a heart attack, so I didn’t get to make up for all the little things I could have done differently.

Anyway, I dreamed of a meal she used to cook for breakfast where we lived back in the south.  The dream just consisted of the meal:  cottage fried potatoes, shredded corned beef, all covered in cream gravy.  (We don’t eat meals like this in California!)

I didn’t actually see my mom in the dream, but just seemed to be standing at the stove and watching her hands as she worked preparing the meal.  I was so happy anticipating this breakfast. 

Signed,

Missing My Mom 

Dear MMM,

You have a very sweet dream on your hands; and there are at least a couple of ways to look at it. 

In a basic review, your Dreaming Self offers your worried mind consolation in the form of comfort food from your mom.  She’s serving up the very thing your troubled conscience needs.  You are relaxed and secure in the memory called up by this gentle experience.  This is how you can be according to this dream.  It’s a gentle reminder of the loving relationship you had with your mom, not troubled by the details you upset yourself with needlessly.

Some of us might say that your mom’s spirit participated in the formation of your dream.  She offers a favorite meal and a soothing experience to ease your mind.

The fact that you see only a part of your mom is significant.  It’s likely that was true when she was living, and remains true now.  That’s how it goes with parents and children, isn’t it?  We often see our parents only as they relate to us, as though their lives began when we were born.  Your limited view in the dream suggests there are aspects of your mom you’re unaware of, but they don’t affect her continued loving approach to you.

Rest comfortably, Dear Dreamer!

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Get HER Out of MY Dream!

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I recently dreamed about Ann, a former friend.  In the dream, she was young and her hair was long, shoulder length, not short like she keeps it now.  We were having a fun conversation, mostly about how good she looked. 

At the end of the conversation, she said, “Oh yeah, I’m still mad at you.”  But she really wasn’t mad.  She was smiling a shy smile indicating she had forgiven me.  No hard feelings.

Ann and I had a major falling out a while back, and it’s unlikely that we will ever patch things up --- we both said some pretty mean things to each other.  It was not a pleasant parting.

Signed,

Get HER Out of MY Dream!

Dear Get Her Out,

But she is in your dream, isn’t she? 

One angle to consider is a simple, literal translation of your dream’s content:  Time has passed.  Ann has taken on her former appearance showing her pre-fight attitude toward you.  She’s ready to forgive.

But usually, certain characters show up in our dreams to help us better understand ourselves.  In your dream, Ann could represent certain aspects of you, yourself.  You owned up to being equally culpable in the falling out. 

Were you the person screaming about how rude she was?  Could it be that the names you called her might also apply to you?  If in your dream, she forgives you, maybe you can forgive her too. 

When we’re most honest with ourselves, we have to acknowledge that most fights are two-way streets with both parties sharing the blame, and the responsibility for growth and reconciliation.

You’ve taken the first step, Dear Dreamer, now take a harder look and decide if the friendship can be salvaged.

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Picture Comes Alive

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed that two of my dearest friends, Barbara and Donna and I were planning a reunion.  Actually, Barbara and I were planning the reunion that all three of us would attend.

There was a big picture on the wall of the room where Barbara and I stood.  Each time I looked back at the picture, it came to life showing an ocean with huge waves, very stormy and frightening.  If I turned away, the picture returned to its static state. 

Sometimes Donna would be in the room with the picture.None of us was saying very much, but if I looked worried about the picture, Barbara would say, “It’ll be okay.”

Signed,

Worried About the Reunion

Dear Worried,

You dream almost explains itself, doesn’t it? 

Each time you look back to see the big picture in your relationship with Donna, there’s something there that’s stormy, unsettled, and upsetting to you. 

If you look away and don’t think about it, you can accept what Barbara says, that it’ll be okay, even though it doesn’t really comfort you.  You know it’s not okay – it comes back to life, stormy and chaotic.

So, if you are planning a reunion with Barbara and Donna, you should keep in mind those tumultuous events that haven’t resolved themselves.  Unless that’s the point of the reunion…to get together and hash things out? 

Your dream suggests that if you chose to look back, the storm will be there.  Some folks simply choose to look forward and move ahead.  That option exists for you too.  If you attend a reunion, don’t be surprised if you find yourself in the eye of the storm.

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Whose Friends are These?

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed my very good friends and very happily married couple Linda and James (not their real names) were standing on a busy street corner and trying to cross the street without benefit of a traffic signal.

To make things worse, they were bickering with each other in a manner that surprised me.  James did not look like or act like the James I know, or the one Linda married.  He seemed smaller and slick.  Linda also seemed more sarcastic and snipe-y than I know her to be.

Signed,

Whose Friends are these?

Dear Whose Friends,

Your dream could be giving insight into your friends’ lives, but more likely it is using your friends as stand-ins for you, your feelings and attitudes, and your life circumstances.

It might be helpful to think about how you describe Linda and James in the dream versus how you normally see them.  Since you’re surprised at their bickering, I assume they normally get along well.  Similarly, you might know James to be a genuine person, perhaps with a big heart, as opposed to the small slick person he’s become in your dream.  Linda also surprises you by showing an unkind and impatient side of herself.  Your dream places them in a confusing, even dangerous crossroads with no sign to help them on their way.

Take a moment and think Dear Dreamer.  Do those descriptors sound familiar to you? Are you and your significant other at a stressful crossroads trying to sort out which way to turn?  Do you find yourself making sharp remarks in response to his superficial ones? 

Linda and James may be reminding you that when under stress, loving people sometimes don’t look or act themselves.  Something to keep in mind as you press through any trying circumstance presenting itself to you.

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Earthquake in a Canyon

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed last night that my husband and I were hiking in a big, red rock canyon on a bright sunny day.  We were with a party of six or eight people from work.  Then everything started to shake.  I didn’t feel too scared, almost enjoyed the sensation.  I was apart from the main group and called out, “I think it’s an earthquake!” 

As the shaking continued, I remember thinking it was a long quake, maybe two minutes.  I looked up at a spire of rock above me, beautiful orange-red against the clear blue sky.  It began to sway and crumbled, or turned into a brick wall that began to break apart above me.

I ducked and covered my head, but the falling bricks/rocks were deflected somehow and I knew I wouldn’t be hurt.  I smiled at my good fortune.  The others were never in danger of falling objects either.

Signed,

Lucky, I Guess

Dear Lucky,

You seem lucky indeed!

You didn’t specify whether the “people from work” were from your workplace or your husband’s.  Or maybe you work together?  Most married people do!  In any case, you are traveling with an amiable group of people in a bright and beautiful setting.  All is well.

While your dream indicates you experience a major shakeup in your circumstances, it also seems to suggest that you and the others can continue to feel safe and “even enjoy the ride.”  Whatever the change is, and though it would normally create fear and danger, that’s not the case this time for you, your spouse, or your coworkers!  That’s all good news.  Your dream suggests that all will easily be able to avoid injury and to continue to enjoy the beautiful setting in which you travel together.

More Sweet Dreams to you, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Renegade Vehicle

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD, 

I dreamed I lost control of my car, and I wasn’t even driving it!  It didn’t even look very much like my current car.  The car in the dream was mine, but it was big and boxy.  It was pretty new, and the same color (silver) as my car; but my car in real life is pretty new and sleek, easy to handle, nice. 

As I walked up to it in the dream, it started by itself, and started to rock back and forth, actually turned around and ran into the car that was parked next to it.  It did pretty extensive damage to both cars.  “Mine” was not drivable!

I was very upset and a guy from work appeared and tried to comfort me.

Signed,

Renegade Vehicle

Dear Renegade,

In our Western culture, our cars may be metaphors for our very selves!  It’s no wonder you were upset that it was acting so strangely!

A key to your dream will most likely be in making a connection to similar emotions in your waking life.  Is some part of your life out of your control?  Are you behaving outside your normal realm?

Your dream suggests, if your car represents yourself, that by rocking back and forth, you’re trying to get unstuck, making jerky moves to get out of a situation perhaps at work that has you pinned in.

Careful Dear Dreamer!  Your radical, "out of control" actions may hurt you and your position.  You could find yourself unable to move along at all!

Sweet Dreams!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@mail.com               

Bad Hair Day

Our Dreamer Writes:

Dear SMYD,

I dreamed I was at the house where I grew up, but all the people there were people from my work.  There were five or six of us.  We all stood and looked in the mirror my mom has mounted over her fireplace.  As I looked from face to face in the reflection, everyone looked pretty much as they actually do, except me.  My hair kept changing colors!  First it was blonde, then red, then black.  It stayed black and then it got all messy and tangled.  Everyone around me just watched.  Then my boss came up and handed me a brush,  then just turned and walked away.

Signed,

Bad Hair at My Mom’s house

Dear Bad Hair,

Our dreams often use the “shape shifting” you’ve described to create metaphors for our states of mind or situations with which we are dealing in waking life.  Your changing hair color is an apt one.

Try thinking of your hair this way:  It comes out of your head – like your thoughts.  In your dream, your thoughts go from blonde (sunny, perhaps), to red (angry, perhaps), to black (really mad, perhaps, or maybe pessimistic).  You may be able to ascribe your own personal emotions to the colors of your thoughts.

It could be that your dream is positing a scenario like this: The way things are done in your workplace (represented by your boss and coworkers) is a reflection of how things were done in your mom’s house.  Because of that, you seem to be feeling progressively worse.  Does this ring a bell?  Did you and your mom butt heads?  Were you simply told to “get over it?”

In your dream, those around you seem unconcerned.  This could add to a feeling of isolation – you’re the only one feeling the way you feel.  And, your boss essentially says, “Get your mind right!” when he hands you a hairbrush, suggesting your smooth out your tangled, pessimistic thoughts.  If this shows how you and your mom interacted when you were a child, no wonder it brings up all those feelings of frustration and anger. 

A possible plan of action emerges:  First, in as diplomatic a manner as you can muster, voice your concerns to your co-workers so that you can feel heard and validated.  If it remains that you are alone in your perceptions, you likely will have to acquiesce to the majority.  The trick is to do this gracefully when your emotions are so high.

Take a deep breath, Dear Dreamer.  Count to ten.  Speak your mind; and be a team player.  They’re not mutually exclusive.

Sweeter Dreams to you next time!