Dream to Dreamer: Go your own way

Our dreams speak to us in the universal language of symbols and metaphors.  Certain archetypal images apply no matter the culture of the dreamer.  Today’s dreamer offers an excellent case in point.

Dear SMYD,

In my country, marriages are made with promises.  “Lola” promised me and I love her so much.  My aunt says to Lola that I am not serious with her.  I tried to prove to her that I am serious.  I am even praying that I want to get married to this lady.  My pressure is that I may not lose her but get her for my life.

I dreamt crossing the river.  We were many; but the river has little water which was also pure.  In some places we were walking on the dry sand to avoid getting wet.  Others looked to be afraid.  So we were all encouraging each other that no people left behind.  Faith works.  As we crossed we were singing a certain song that says believe all are possible.  We manage to cross through. 

After crossing I took my own way.  Others were going to the near town, but it seems to me I was going to another town.  But I was able to communicate with them as if I am with them.  One lady said I will deposit you the money which I have.  So I was happy. 

Then I saw Lola, but we are not yet in agreement.  Lola said my aunt told her, “He doesn’t mind about you.”  I said, “No it is not true.”  Then we were in the river bank after crossing.  That’s where I met her.  The forest of that place was so beautiful and was green but there was a way which we were using to pass.

So please what does this mean?

Signed,

Wanting to Marry Lola

Dear Wanting,

Crossing a river is symbolic of crossing any threshold into a new way of thinking and a new life.  Your dream reflects that crossroads in your life.  You must be brave and cross into new territory in order to prove yourself and have the one you love.

Perhaps you have been afraid like the people in your dream.  Your dream points out that you must now go your own way – to the other town, not the one that is closest and easiest to get to.  Even though your fears come to the forefront, a song of encouragement assures you that faith works and all things are possible. 

Sure enough, Dear Dreamer, when you reach the other side, you learn that the “money is in the bank.”  And better still, Lola is there waiting for you.

Your dream offers you confidence that though you may feel anxious, now is not the time to follow the crowd.  This is how you prove to yourself and Lola that you are serious.  Only when you go your own way are your prayers answered.  It is then that you find yourself in the beautiful and green forest with the woman you love.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com        

Dream Interpretation - Sobriety signals the end of innocence

Our dreams may reflect our current status to us.  Today’s dreamer reports such an instance.  There’s a reason for the reflection.  We have to know where we are to know where we’re going.  Such dreams help take account of the present and bolster our understanding of how to move forward.

Dear SMYD,

My parents say I took a detour on my way to success.  That’s their way of saying that I messed up.  For more than five years after high school I got into some pretty bad things, mostly drugs.  I was addicted to meth and all the bad things that go along with meth addiction came to me.  I was in and out of rehab a couple of times and even went to jail. 

But now I’m back to my old self.  I’ve been clean and sober for almost two years; I’m working and back in school to advance myself.  It has been very scary and I felt lost and hopeless for a long time.  But I’m feeling stronger every day now.  So this dream really bothers me: 

I dreamed that I saw a group of my old friends from high school.  I used to hang out with all these girls.  We played soccer and had a lot of classes together.  I was so happy to see them.  I called out and waved to them.  But they weren’t glad to see me.  They weren’t rude exactly, but it was like they didn’t recognize me.  They just kind of looked past me, or looked at me like I was a stranger.  It really hurt my feelings and I didn’t know what to do.  I woke up feeling sad and confused. 

Signed,

Sober but Sad

Dear Sober,

Congratulations on your sobriety.  Your road has been arduous.  The tone of your letter suggests you have seen a lot and learned a lot – much of it the hard way!  Your detour, as your parents called it, took you far afield of your original trajectory in life.  Yet here you are – clean, sober and back on the well-lighted path to a life of achievement.  Good for you!

Your dream offers a reflection of where you once were, where you started, and where you cannot go again.  Even though, in your newly sober state, you may feel in some ways like your old self, you are no longer the girl you were in high school.  

You cannot unlearn the lessons you’ve learned.  You cannot forget your experiences.  Metaphorically, you cannot return to the innocence portrayed by your teammates and classmates in your dream.  You would not recognize each other.  Your experiences have separated you from them.

That is the sadness of what you’ve been through.  It’s not uncommon to realize that we no longer have anything in common with our old friends, though your experience is more dramatic than most.  It’s the bittersweet taste of growing up.  

Don’t lose sight of the future, Dear Dreamer.  It’s bright for you now.

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dreamers converge in Berkeley, CA

Dear Dreamers,

I am excited to be attending the annual conference of the International Association for the Study of Dreams this week.  One of the most pragmatic features of the conference comprises the four hour-long sessions wherein attendees can work directly with leading researchers and practitioners in the ‘field of dreams.’  I may join Past President of the IASD, Robert Gongloff, again this year to delve even deeper into the Heart of the Dream, as he calls his exploration approach to dream material.

In previous columns, I have shared research from dream interpretation icon Patricia Garfield, Ph.D.  She is co-founder of the IASD and her wealth of knowledge of dreams and dreamers from around the world forms a foundational base for understanding common dream themes as a part of our shared, cross-cultural dream experience. 

We spoke earlier about four of the 12 most common dream themes Garfield identifies in her book The Universal Dream Key:  Being chased or attacked, falling or drowning, missing the boat and being lost or trapped.  Here are two more of the recurring themes you’ll recognize from your own nocturnal travels!

Being injured, ill or dying v. being healed, born or reborn.  Garfield notes that this relatively common dream sometimes occurs at the onset of an actual illness.  Further, the usual, less literal meaning of such dreams as they equate to the dreamer’s waking life could be stated as: I feel hurt emotionally.  I feel damaged or wounded.  Or, I’m afraid I will be hurt.  These dreams may speak as a warning about a physical risk that the dreamer is contemplating, or about the emotional risks of pursuing unhealthy relationships.

Conversely, dreams of being healed, born or reborn reassure the dreamer that s/he has a restored waking ability or emotional repair.  Garfield goes on to say that being born or reborn, or giving birth in your dreams can signify the awakening or reawakening of a ‘lost’ part of you.

Being naked or inappropriately dressed in public v. being well-dressed.  Common among dreamers in Garfield’s study, and familiar to all of us, these dreams typically occur when we feel vulnerable or exposed in waking life.  We feel awkward or without protection. 

Garfield suggests starting with some guiding questions as you begin to explore the application of such dreams to your waking life:  Where was I in the dream?  Home?  School?  Work?  The answer to this question will offer insights into what area of your waking life has you feeling unprotected or weak.  Your reactions to your nudity in the dream can also help pinpoint the crux of the desperate or fearful emotions.  In effect, how you handle your exposure in your dream is key to successful navigation of the waking circumstance!

It follows that dreaming of being well-dressed would speak to the sensation of confidence in your waking life.  Perhaps your dream is urging you to act more confidently in a waking situation alluded to by the dream. 

The IASD Conference is in Berkeley this week, Wednesday through Sunday.  Hope to see you there!

Sweet Dreams to You!

sendmeyourdreams@yahoo.com          

Dream to Dreamer - Stop worrying!

Dreams of falling and flying are among the shared dreams across age groups and cultures.  One speaks to insecurity and the other to freedom to soar.  Today’s dream offers a taste of both.

Dear SMYD,

I am at a good point in my life.  Not that everything is perfect, but I just can’t ask for more than I have right now.  My marriage is good; kids are finally on their own and doing pretty well independently.  I have no worries at work.  The worst thing that happens is my occasional thought that things can’t go on like this forever.  Something is bound to go wrong.  I try to be grateful every day.  At the same time, I am afraid that a disaster will befall us and take all this happiness away. 

I dreamed that I was working my way around an incredibly high rock face.  It was bowed outward and I had my back flattened against it and my arms outstretched as I inched my way along.  The sky was blue and I was so high up that I could even see some wispy clouds below me.  Even farther below was a beautiful blue ocean.  Everything was so beautiful that I almost felt like I would jump!  In fact, I wanted to jump just to see how it would feel.  But it was very scary.  Then I decided not to jump.  And I continued to edge along as I had been going.

Signed,

Scared of Heights

Dear Scared,

Your dream depicts your current state of mind metaphorically:  As you stated, everything around you in your waking life is beautiful, but you are able to enjoy it only in a limited way because of your fear of disaster.  Thus you find yourself on the precipice, in constant fear, yet surrounded by breathtaking beauty.  As in your waking life, in your dream you worry about future loss instead of drinking in the present.

But the dream doesn’t simply retell what you already know.  It shows that you make the conscious decision to continue as you are – inching along in fear, not fully enjoying what you have and limiting yourself to that overly cautious, dreadful way of operating. 

Your dream suggests that you are seized by a frightened mindset that keeps you nervous and tentative, forever trying to avoid what may never happen.  You had a moment in your dream where you considered taking off, ‘just to see how it would feel’ to be free.  Your dream is pointing to a part of you that wants to fly.  Try to imagine the feeling you would have experienced if you had taken the leap in your dream! 

Chances are, you are restricting yourself from even trying something adventurous just because you don’t want to rock the boat of your almost perfect life.  Don’t worry about failures, Dear Dreamer; worry instead about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.

It’s important to remember that worry doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles; it takes away today’s joy. 

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream interpretation - no need to duck your high school reunion

Figures from our past often appear in our dreams.  They most often will represent traits we have carried forward that may or may not be helpful now.  Or, they may illustrate a dreamer’s own attitude toward himself, one based in past circumstances applied to the dreamer’s current waking life, whether appropriate or not.  Consider today’s example of old high school buddies “haunting” the dreams of our dreamer.

Dear SMYD,

I don’t know why a couple of guys I haven’t seen since high school keep appearing in my dreams!  “Charlie” and “Albert” and I were good buddies.  We hung out together every day before, during and after school.  We were on the straight and narrow back in those days. 

But after graduation, we took different routes.  They were in the college set.  I could have been too, I guess, but it didn’t work out that way.  Anyway, I’m pretty sure they’re ‘main stream’ kind of guys now and I am living an ‘alternate lifestyle.’  I’m comfortable this way except when my kids want things I can’t afford.

Maybe because another reunion is coming up, they’re in my dreams again.  Here’s the latest one:

I saw Charlie and Al coming into a hallway and decided to slip behind a door rather than to encounter them and have to explain myself.  When I stepped behind the door, Charlie peeked through the crack between the door and door jam and we made eye contact.  Then, even though I didn’t want to, I had to step out to say ‘hello.’  He was not happy with me.  He was disappointed in me somehow.  It was an uncomfortable situation.

Next we were on an open field and a Frisbee or badminton shuttlecock or something came flying toward me.  It had sheer cloth streaming along behind.  Charlie caught it or deflected it. 

Signed,

Avoiding Charlie and Al

Dear Avoider,

By their very nature, high school reunions trigger self-reviews.  That milestone constitutes a perfect opportunity to look back and see how far we’ve come.  Also, they present an occasion for competition and comparison.  And who better for you to compare yourself to than your old buddies?  The key for you will be remembering that it is you making the comparison, not them.

In your dream, you first try to duck the judgment.  Keep in mind though that Charlie’s disappointment represents that part of yourself that may be a little saddened that you didn’t push yourself harder.  That is most likely what you’re hiding from behind the door – your own view of yourself.  It’s important to note that this is how you compare yourself to him, not necessarily the other way around. 

Other than wanting to spoil your children, you say you’re happy with your choices.  And when you’re out in the open in your dream, the only missile that threatens you is a toy.  Charlie deflects that one – an indicator he might be easier on you than you are on yourself. 

Sweet Dreams to You, Dear Dreamer!

SMYD

Dream advice to new kid at school: Don't try too hard

If you find yourself in a foreign country in your dream, most likely it reflects a waking circumstance that is new and uncomfortable to you.  Today’s young dreamer struggles to find her way and her dream offers some guidance.

Dear SMYD,

My family moved and I had to change schools this year.   We live in a better place and the school is better too.  I have new friends and it’s all good, but I still feel insecure.  I’m on the outside of a lot of inside jokes, if you know what I mean.  Anyway, here’s my dream:

I dreamed I was in the cafeteria with my new friends, but at a fancy hotel.  The lunch line was picked over – not much to eat.  I learned there was another lunch line on the other side of the cafeteria so I went there to get some water.  But when I did, I separated myself from the group.

I was wearing stilettos for some reason and all of a sudden I was in a foreign city, maybe Rio de Janeiro.  I can walk amazingly well in the stilettos, but kept being separated from the group.  I kept going around the block, never getting to my friends.  I always wind up on the side away from them.

The sidewalks were dangerous like an earthquake had broken them and they were not repaired.  I was confused as to whether I should go straight or turn at an intersection. 

I turned and an older man started walking with me.  He looked kind of like my grandpa.  He told me to sit with Lisa.  She and I are going to be on a softball team together.  I had probably overstated my softball experience, but that was okay.  She said she would keep score.

Signed,

New Kid at School

Dear New Kid,

Your dream reflects some of your emotions at being in a new school – circumstances foreign to you – like Rio de Janeiro would be.  It’s natural for you to want to fit in, while at the same time feeling separated from the group.  Your dream shows you, in effect, walking on eggshells around them using the metaphor of stilettos on broken pavement.

It is hard being outside of the history they share; and they may be a little unkind when telling inside jokes around you.  So maybe you even stretch the truth a little bit to impress them, as you did in your dream by overstating your prowess in softball. 

Give yourself credit for walking this “dangerous ground” with skill.  And, consider if this is the group you really want to hang with, Dear Dreamer.  No matter what you do, you always wind up away from them.  Must you always work so hard with true friends?

Your grandpa’s advice is important to remember.  From a picked over lunch line with few choices, he steers you toward Lisa.  Her compassionate “softball” attitude is the key.  Good to know she’s the one keeping score. 

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream interpretation - Justin Timberlake could save your marriage

A dream of marriage offers a wide range of applications to the dreamer’s waking life.  It could be speaking almost literally about the current state of the dreamer’s relationship with her spouse.  On a metaphorical level, marriage in a dream can refer to commitment, or lack of it, to one’s self and one’s goals.

Dear SMYD,

I have heard many times about the seven year itch in a marriage.  Well, “James” and I have been married almost 10 years now!  But really, I am very happy and can’t think of too much that I would change.  Our life may not be exciting, but it is secure and comfortable.  So maybe the dream I had is just idle fantasy or wishful thinking.  I feel kind of disloyal even having the dream, let alone talking about it!  I do have a silly crush on Justin Timberlake, but it’s nothing.  James and I joke about it all the time. 

Anyway, here’s the dream:

Justin Timberlake wants to buy me a new wedding ring.  I am flattered but also embarrassed to even be in the conversation with him!  Justin is very persistent and I keep telling him, “No, I don’t need a new ring and I’m happily married.” 

But the next thing I know, Justin gives me a new ring anyway.  It is beautiful – made with lots of diamond baguettes.  I have to admit that I like the ring and even though I still feel funny about it, I decide to accept it.  Then I see that it doesn’t have a central diamond like most wedding sets have.  The ring’s mounting prongs are sticking up and empty!

One last thing:  In real life, since we were first engaged, James has always said he’s going to buy me a bigger diamond someday.

Signed,

Justin Timberlake Fan

Dear Fan,

Something’s missing for you and your dream offers a couple of options to consider.  First let’s think about Justin Timberlake.  You don’t mention specific things about him that attract you, but let’s say it’s his talent, his energy, his love of life.  Consider those as traits that you, yourself might want to commit to, but don’t.  Your dream may be suggesting that you have a talent or energy that is yearning for an outlet, tempting you with a new ring that you admit you like, but accept uncomfortably.  Have you allowed your love of life to languish for lack of commitment or discomfort at stepping out of your routine?  

On the other hand, your dream may reflect the idle fantasy you mention as regards your relationship with James, symbolized in waking life by the bigger diamond he promised you.  Perhaps in spite of feeling secure and comfortable, you are longing for that ‘upgrade’ your circumstances have not delivered.  The fairest approach would be to review your relationship and ferret out any shreds of complacency or inertia on your side. 

Be honest with yourself, Dear Dreamer.  It isn’t solely James’s job to keep your life interesting. 

Sweet Dreams to You!