Dream interpretation: You don't have to drink again

Party girlfriends may tempt you in your dreams to return to drinking!

Recovering alcoholics and addicts go through phases in their newfound sobriety.  The state of sobriety comes over time as a process rather than a single act.  It requires renewed commitment every day, sometimes every hour!  It is expected that those going through this process will dream of their old circumstances in conflict with their new ones.  This can be unsettling.  Today’s dreamer offers an excellent example of the internal work she’s doing to stay clean.

Dear SMYD,

I just celebrated my first birthday clean and sober!  I am so proud of this accomplishment.  I feel stronger every day, but still worry that my sobriety is fragile.  I’m doing well, but some days I know with one slip, my new life could go down the drain and I could lose everything.  I am committed to staying sober; and I have daily, sometimes hourly, talks with myself to stay on the straight and narrow.  So I was especially upset when I had this dream:

I was talking on the phone.  The conversation was important and I didn’t want to be distracted, but my old running buddy “Jenny” came and stood in front of me.  She acted like a little kid, talking over my conversation, wanting something, just being generally rude and demanding.  Someone came and took her away, so I was relieved and went back to the urgent phone call.  But then here she came again, butting in and trying to take over my conversation.  She just wouldn’t quit!

I woke up very upset from this.  Jenny was so persistent!  Does it mean that I’m weakening?  Am I considering going back to Jenny and our old drinking ways?  Or, since Jenny’s still drinking, does she need my help?

Signed,

Scared of Jenny and for Her

Dear Scared,

Rather than accepting your dream as having a literal message, let’s consider the metaphorical view:  Like many recovering alcoholics, you have a regular internal conversation regarding where you were, where you are now, and how to stay there.  Through the image of the phone conversation, your dream reflects your having this crucial ongoing dialog with yourself.  You don’t want to be distracted from it.  Very good! 

Jenny, representing your old self and your old destructive lifestyle, keeps popping up and trying to insert herself into the conversation.  She throws little fits and demands your attention.  This is parallel to your work on sobriety.  You must address those recurrent urges and intrusions into your focus on abstinence.  Each time the spoiled child throws a tantrum you must redirect your attention to the important conversation of sobriety. 

The good news – in your dream, that’s exactly what you do!  Your priorities are clear and you stick to them.  Good for you Dear Dreamer!

As for Jenny – beware of becoming entangled in her struggles.  She’s lost her drinking buddy and that requires her to look at herself differently.  Like a child’s tantrums, hers should be ignored.  The best help you can give her is your model of a sober life.

Sweet Dreams to You!

SMYD

Dream interpretation: The personal is the universal

 

Dear Dreamers,

The annual conference of the InternationalAssociation for the Study of Dreams will feature the leading researchers and practitioners in the ‘field of dreams.’  If you attend you may sit in a workshop with dream interpretation icon Patricia Garfield, Ph.D.  She is co-founder of the IASD and most impressive in her wealth of knowledge of dreams and dreamers from around the world. 

In her book The Universal Dream Key Garfield distills the results of her study of dreams contributed from 500 dreamers – 325 from the United States and 175 from thirty-six other countries.

Garfield’s book is a practical guide for applying dreams to our daily lives as well as understanding our dreams in the greater context of the “epics that have been told since the dawn of time.”  Garfield says that “the intimate stories that you tell yourself tonight when you go to bed have flowed across the centuries from cave dweller to condo dweller…They unveil not only your most intimate secrets but also the dreads and desires of humankind.”

We talked in March about two of the 12 most common dream themes Garfield identified in her book:  Being chased or attacked and falling or drowning.  Here are two more of those recurring themes you’ll recognize from your own nocturnal travels!    

Missing the boat or other transport v. pleasant travel.  Garfield cites the usual meaning of such dreams as they equate to the dreamer’s waking life:  I’ve missed an opportunity.  I’m too late.  I’ve missed my chance.  These dreams speak to waking frustrations and fears that life is leaving us behind, and that we need to “get our acts together” or face the disappointment of lost prospects.

Dreams of pleasant travels would, in contrast, reassure the dreamer that s/he has prepared well to enjoy the journey of life.  Garfield urges dreamers to be alert to the names of destinations that may appear in such dreams, as they can be laden with meaning.

Being lost or trapped v. discovering new spaces.  Common among dreamers in Garfield’s study, and familiar to all of us, these dreams typically occur when we feel confusion or conflict about how to act in a waking situation. 

Garfield suggests starting with some guiding questions as you begin to explore the application of such dreams to your waking life:  Where was I trying to go in the dream?  Home?  School?  Work?  At what point did I become lost?  What lead me astray?  How did I try to find my way?  What area of my waking life is mystifying me?  These can help pinpoint the crux of the desperate or fearful emotions that originate with the waking circumstance and generate the dream.

It follows that discovering new spaces in your dream would speak to the sensation of expansion in your waking life.  Perhaps your dream depicts windows or doors opening to you as an encouragement to move forward in your endeavors.  Hooray!

The IASD Conference is slated in Berkeley June 4-8 this year.  Hope to see you there!

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream interpretation: Trust the voice in your dream

Many times “someone” will speak to us in our dreams.  Let’s call that someone your Dreaming Self – that part of you that sees things from a wider perspective.  That voice is frequently the one calling on you to trust yourself.  Today’s dream offers a perfect example.

Dear SMYD,

I am usually a prolific dreamer, but with everything going on in my life, I have been dropping in bed exhausted and sleeping very hard.  I haven’t remembered any dreams at all!  I moved my family in with my parents to help care for my mom as she was declining rapidly.  After she died, we stayed on to support my dad and that went on much longer that I anticipated.

When we agreed it was time to move back out to a place of our own, I was so fearful that Dad would falter.  But I bought a house and we moved, and he’s OK!  In the middle of all this, I got a new job and had a health scare of my own! 

Now, of all things, I woke up this morning with a pretty scary dream on my mind: 

I was in the ocean in deep water and being pulled farther and farther out to sea.  Then, there were people around me pulling me down.  I was afraid of drowning so I held my breath.  I felt desperate.  Someone there said, “Breathe!”  But I said, “No, I don’t have any SCUBA gear!”  But soon I couldn’t hold my breath any longer.  I could see the people under the water breathing and working and going about their business.  So I took a breath and to my amazement, I could breathe underwater!  I woke up relieved and drawing deep breaths.

Signed,

Am I Amphibian?

Dear Amphibian,

Your dream uses the metaphor of being pulled into deep water to illustrate your circumstances:  You’ve been taking care of parents, a spouse and children while acclimating to a new job and grappling with your own health.  It is easy to see how you would feel overwhelmed, in over your head – as if you were being pulled down by those around you! 

When you saw people under water with you, in the same situation, you continued to hold your breath.  Even when you were exhorted to “Breathe!” you did not because you thought you needed SCUBA gear to survive.  As you probably know, SCUBA is an acronym for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.  When you had to give in and breathe, you found that you had the wherewithal to do so.  That “someone” in your dream pointed out that you already had it within yourself to navigate all the trials and stressors you have been facing.

Your Dreaming Self is pointing out to you that you have what it takes to operate successfully in some tough situations.  Other people do, and you can too!

Continue to take those deep breaths, Dear Dreamer, knowing you have what it takes to survive and succeed even when you’re feeling overwhelmed! 

Sweet Dreams to You!

Dream interpretation: You're not the crazy one!

Many times dreamers have ideas about the context and meaning of their dreams.  Today’s dreamer has a good handle on what her recurring dream says to her in her moments of weakness.

Dear SMYD,

I think I need a straightjacket!  I keep having these dreams that I can only remember snippets of but they are all similar.  In them, I'm either experiencing vignettes of dead people or “Albert,” my ex, showing up.  I remember the dreams because I'm happy until I see him, then I'm not.  In fact right before I woke up this morning I saw him holding a box of jewelry.  I just remember being upset and saying, "I'm not getting back with you, Albert!"  

Albert wasn't very talkative in reality.  He doesn't speak in the dreams either, but in one vignette he was just standing there among a bunch of children.  When I acknowledged seeing him, he smiled this really oversized, phony smile with oversized, phony lips. 

FYI – When I was 10 years old, Albert was my first love.  I adored everything about him and held on to that memory until we were married 42 years later.  After we married, we argued all the time because Albert disliked all three of my children and my grandkids!  I'm wondering if that is who the children in the dream are?  They were elated when he took off.  

So the people that I knew and are now deceased equate to the death of the relationship that my subconscious is processing?  Have I lost my mind or is this trying to tell me that I'm starting a new life without him and I have accepted he is no longer a part of my life?  I think the child in me may be experiencing the greater difficulty as opposed to the "adult" me.

Signed,

Feeling Cuckoo

Dear Cuckoo,

I don't think you need a straightjacket!  If you make a note of your recurring dream when you have it, you will soon see that it most likely recurs when you have spent time looking back at your past relationship with Albert, perhaps having some misplaced nostalgia.  This is part of the process of accepting that he is no longer a part of your life.  The key word is "process."

You mention that Albert “took off.”  This presents an abrupt ending to your marriage, the most intense of personal relationships.  Rarely do we conclude an intimate emotional relationship in a snap.  It takes time to work through the change and adopt a new outlook on life.  It’s normal that you would reflect over time as you begin to turn forward and embark on a new life.

In your dream, Albert holds some jewels, perhaps trying to tempt you to get back with him.  Maybe these represent the children and grandchildren he was unkind to.  His false smile may be indicative of his trying to make you believe that he'll be a nicer guy to your kids if you would only take him back.  You answer him clearly.  Stand your ground, Dear Dreamer!

Sweet Dreams to you!

SMYD

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